A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in love with a girl, the first time in my life of 21 years.She's wonderful, but also taken.When we started chatting a lot she had a really bad relationship with her BF.By the time we first slept with each other she was thinking of finishing with him.She actually tried, but he wouldn't accept it.She proposed a time-out, but he didn't do anything different.But then school started, she got busy and he decided to do the same education as her.Their relationship started to improve, mostly because he radically changed from always arguing to treating her to everything she liked.Sweets, sushi, iced-tea, pay for her food every day.Extremely expensive presents, over 300 euros at an anime fair and 70 for Christmas... (She asked if I could pay with my paypal...)I was coming by every day, and sat across of them at the table, watch him try to stroke her leg and her looking at me and telling him no.They have every day at school together, and I only have one fixed half day a week.We chat all the time, mostly with skype too.She loves me, and I believe her when she says that.But she simply can't choose, she's too afraid of making the wrong choice.I should add he has a history of hurting himself.So now here we are, 3 months later, and I'm starting to fall apart of hurt.She's explained it to me, and she told me she doesn't think she can choose. She thinks it will amount to one of us making the choice for her. Can I trust someone who would cheat on her BF, and lie when he asks if there is another?Can she truly love me if there is another and she can't choose?Should I intervene, and let him know she's cheating on him?Should I break it off, even tho I doubt I will ever find someone better suited for me than her? I just don't know anymore...
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2010): Personally, I would NOT want to be involved with someone who was a cheater.
In my opinion, you should remove yourself from this girl and find someone else who has integrity and can have an honest and faithful relationship with you, if that's what you are seeking. Can you imagine if you were in this current guys shoes? If this girl had any maturity and class, she would have broken it off with him, to be with you, if the two of you realized that you wanted to be together. She is playing you both and everyone is going to lose. As hard as it is.... walk away and don't look back.
A
male
reader, doublejack  +, writes (28 December 2010):
I would break it off with her. I personally would not be able to trust her in the future since she's basically cheating on her boyfriend with you. Who is to say she wouldn't do the same thing to you if the two of you hit a rough patch (and all relationships experience rough patches every now and then).
I make the conscious choice to never get involved with a girl if there's another guy in the picture. It can only lead to trouble and heartache. In fact, I basically won't even start a relationship with a woman if she's single but still hurting from a breakup. The best chance of a relationship working out is when both people enter it with their baggage dealt with and put behind them.
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A
male
reader, steph007  +, writes (28 December 2010):
First, I would ask this girl about that if it was possible to inform the other guy about that you three are in a typical triangle. And I would add that I do not mind the presence of him, but I need more time and attention from her. Jealousy is 100% wrong reaction in this situation.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2010): There is no easy way to say this but you have to get out of this 'relationship' NOW! She is using you and her boyfriend. She is stringing both of you along. This girl says she is in love with you but how can she be if she is still with her boyfriend, if she really did love you then she would have left him by now. It may be hard to forget about her but you must because if you don't she will always have you wrapped round her finger. I have been in your position and I know it is extremely hard but a girl like her does not deserve you or your friendship, also if she did leave her boyfriend for you how could you be sure that she wouldn't cheat on you, in my experience once a cheater always a cheater. Get out now and I am absolutely sure you will find someone even better suited to you than her.
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