A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I've got this issue, I'm quite confident yet very very shy at the same time and I'm have a lot of trouble sociailizing on a one on one basis and with people I feel are better than me, like more popular or older because I feel that they'll judge me. I find it very easy to be involved in a group conversation because all the attention isn't focused on me and I can have conversations with people I trust like my boyfriend or confident people because I let them take over the talking. I was just wondering if anyone could give me some advice on being more confident and making better conversation?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2010): I don't know if I'm gunna be much help but I can try :)
I was like this right up until the beginning of this year, that was when I decided I couldnt do it anymore. Its not really something people can help you with as such, its more something you have to work on on your own and it does take some time!
I found the first thing that helped me was to get over any fears I had. I started with small ones and then got bigger. Most of these I delt with in London. I had a fear of heights so I went on the London Eye. I had a fear of trains and crowded spaces so I spent god knows how long on the tube. Once I got over most my fears and survived I realised that I was capable of doing pretty much anything. You just have to think what is the worst that could happen?! And even if the worst did happen it wouldnt last long and you'd make it through. If you want people to take you seriously and not judge you, you have to at least act like you know what you are doing. If you act like you're confident eventually you just become confident. I worked on it for a year and trust me it was well worth it. I can now talk to any one at all and not be nervous. The conversation bit comes naturally with the confidence.
Just think, if they judge you in a way that they'll hold against you, are they really worth your worry?? Anyone who judges you like that isnt worth it and anyone who IS worth it wont mind if you cant start a conversation or if you mess up or whatever :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou so much! Your ideas are really helpful, I'll give them a go.
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (18 December 2010):
 confidence comes with maturity and experience. Have as many experiences in your life as you can and then you will find it easy to talk about things. I used to be very shy and found it difficult to sustain a conversation, felt exactly like you. I found over the years that I talk all the time now. I keep up to date with the papers, whats on the news, read books etc so i've always got ammunition to talk about. Is there a particular hobby or interest you have because you will know all the details of that and be very informed, so you could start a conversation and have plenty to say about it. If your friends are in to something that you don't know much about, find out about it then you can be very well informed and interested in what they do. It really is an age thing though and as you get a bit older it will all be okay for you. You know, people like it when they are talking and others ask a question that they can answer, that's a good way to keep a conversation going as well and you will learn a lot just by listening anyway.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2010): you're not confindent because maybe you dont belive in yourself or what you are talking about you need to register it at the back of your mind that you are sure of what youre saying, somtimes even when youre wrong if you talk with confidence people could belive and listen. Well basically what im saying is that you need to stop thinking people are judging you, and even if they are then ''so what'' its not like they are prefect, nobody is maybe you should try placing your self as the judge and not the judged
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A
male
reader, CJH +, writes (18 December 2010):
 You are being judged all the time, we all are - it's just plain old human nature. There's nothing you can do to change that - some will have a balanced opinion of you whereas others may have their judgement clouded by their own emotion, jealousy or sadness for example.
Confidence is an essential quality to most of us yet probably the one that most of feel were lacking. The truth is, it's a smokescreen in many ways, it can be perceived by others but not felt by the one who's appearing to be confident! Strange thing.
Anyway. In my own experience, over the years, I've had my moments of doubt when my confidence has been low and sometimes it's a case of just riding out those low points. At other times, confronting things that you're unsure or unhappy with can help you to overcome hurdles.
In your case, it sounds to me as though you just need to keep getting out there and getting through those circumstances when you feel you're lacing in confidence. Remind yourself that you can't ever completely control what others see or feel about you and with that in mind, it's far more important to be happy with yourself rather than focus on others opinion of you.
I do think confidence is a skill that can be honed and learnt over the years. The biggest barrier to that is YOU yourself. Try to just accept yourself for who you are and others should do the same.
Good luck.
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