A
female
age
30-35,
*_AcidSpill__
writes:So, I'm 17 years old and I'm pretty certain I'm a lesbian. When I was 12 I realised I was bi-sexual, but when I was 16 my feelings for men gradually grew distant. I wasn't happy about being bi-sexual, but I dealt with it, I even came out to everybody. Being a lesbian is my worst nightmare, I can't deal with it, I hate it. I'm doing everything in my power to prevent my feelings, I've gotten everything 'gay' out of my sight, but it does nothing. I've even started praying! I can't deal with this anymore. I want to be straight. Right now I'm seriously doing some self-loathing which can't be good.
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female
reader, howcomehoney  +, writes (30 July 2008):
 Honey!! Please, stop thinking about it like that. Listen. It's not a bad thing, not at all. I went through the same thing as you did when I was in my teens. I knew I was gay and hated it, thought "How could I be this way?" I felt like some kind of pervert. And so I tried to push it away. It didn't go anywhere, because it's like trying to deny your eye colour. Okay, you can wear coloured contacts - well, you take them out and it's still the same old blue (or green, or brown, or in this case, rainbow).You know what, though? Being gay is great. You get to date girls, and girls are the best thing ever. Two women together is a beautiful thing, and not only is the sex way better, but there is an understanding and a tenderness that is mind-boggling. It doesn't close you off from anything. I am a woman dating a woman, and she is the best thing about my life. I'm happy as hell to be gay, because otherwise I wouldn't get to be dating her, and she's a miracle. I remember the thing you're going through, though. I wanted to be bi so that I could just date guys and never have to admit about the girl part. It's hard, it really is, but don't be too down on yourself. Look at this in a positive way. Girls are great. You are great. There is nothing for you to be stressed about. Message me if you need to talk.
A
female
reader, Cyg79  +, writes (28 July 2008):
 Its hard to be true to ones self, especially when the truth is something you much rather avoid or ignore. You say being a lesbian is your worst nightmare, how come? You have already identified yourself as bi, thus admitting an attraction to women. Is being just attracted to women, a lot more scary then just partially?
No, I don’t believe self loathing is very healthy. Try not to put so much pressure on yourself to be “straight” and just let yourself be you. Sometimes we get so caught up in a label that we forget to just be who we are. Labels are generalizations and when we try and apply labels to ourselves whether fact or myth based, we end up trying to fit ourselves to a social constructs that can never account for the individual. Labels may help you convey something to someone else but they by no means are all encompassing. I think it’s impossible to try and fit yourself to generalizations and rather you should focus on being true to yourself.
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A
female
reader, rose_red  +, writes (27 July 2008):
First of all, never try to change who you are- it is what makes you 'you'
are you attracted to both guys and girls? coz if so then you are bisexual hun. there is NOTHING to be ashamed about- it is very common these days.
speak to someone you are close to about it- it won't be as bad as you think, people will still love you for who you are and they should respect you for who you are
:)
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (24 July 2008):
Hey sweetie.
I'm so sorry you feel this way.
If it makes you feel any better then you could just stay celibate.
You may need counselling at some point to get over your feelings if they are driving you to depression. You need to think about why it's your worst nightmare. What is it about being straight that appeals?
You can be perfectly normal and just not have boyfriends if that is what you want.
Also I don't want to sound patronising or give you false hope but you are still young, you may still find a man you like. My friend Jo was straight till she was in her early 20's and then discovered she was Bi, so it might work the same the other way round with you.
There is no way to fight your body (although some right wing groups may tell you that you can) just stop thinking about it so much and throw yourself into another area of your life. What are you planning to do for a career? Concentrate on that and put all thoughts of boys and girls out of your head.
Good Luck!! xx
PS. I know it's a comedy but there is a film called "But I'm a cheerleader" which might give you a bit of a laugh. I think you might need one by now.
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A
male
reader, Replacement  +, writes (24 July 2008):
 I advise you to speak to a professional counselor in your area. Maybe your school guidance counselor, when school starts again. If you truly are a lesbian, there is very little you can do to change that, so you will have to get rid of whatever preconceived notions of lesbianism that you have and learn to love yourself. Being gay is not a curse, or a punishment. It is simply another way to be. It does not make you less valuable as a person, or less intelligent, or less attractive, etc, etc. You'll never live a happy life if you hate yourself, so all you can really do is accept it.
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