A
female
age
41-50,
*enie53uk
writes:hi all my boyfriend and i have been dating for a year now and before we wasnt dating he wasnt working for 5years , the thing is im worried i mean 5 years is long time to be out of work . hes 23 and im 27 ok not in a stable job but im working my way up the ladder .Ive given him so much encouragment saying for him to try here and writting up his cv and looking online that i dont know what to do . i mean i love him so much but should i end this for a while till he finds a job and becomes stable or should i stick with him . please help Reply to this Question
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female
reader, deejuliet  +, writes (24 July 2008):
 I think we really need some more information to make a qualified judgement here. Has he been in school or in some other way trying to better his life? Is he collecting benefits from the gov as some here have suggested? How has he been supporting himself these past 5 years? Is he mooching off others or the government? Does he have a desire to work or is he lazy and feeling self entitled?
The person who does not work, mooches off others, sleeps late and lazes around all day and doesnt care about supporting himself is a loser. You will end up supporting him for the rest of your life. He isnt going to change and you will end up miserable.
The person who has been in school for the past 5 years, getting a good education, who will soon be working and making decent money, but for now has been supported by his parents is a good catch who just needs some patience and support.
See the differance? Which is he? Which one would you rather be with?
A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (24 July 2008):
 Hi,
If he is not ill, then sorry he's lazy. There are to many people in this country living on beifits because they cant be bothered to get up, that and the fact you can almost get from the goverment sitting on your **se what you can in some low paid job's doesnt help the situation. I know some have no choice but to claim, and that cant be helped if you are a genuine case. But 5 years!!! come on.
Sometimes you need to show tough love dont you?. Because if you stayed with this guy got married and had children, does a life claiming benifit apeal to you. You sound far to smart for that kind of existance.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (24 July 2008):
 5 years is a long time to be out of a job but I suppose it depends on what the economy is like in your area.
Where I life every other company car seems to have a decal "We are looking for co-workers". There is a labor shortage BUT at the same time there are plenty of un-employed. The reason? Lack of skills for some jobs and other jobs just not being desired.
If there is work, any work then it says a lot about his personality that in five years he hasn't been able to find any. Maybe he feels he is too good to take jobs below his level, maybe he just got an attitude problem, maybe he is lazy.
Whatever it is, you got to decide wether you can live with that because if he didn't change in 5 years, he is unlikely to do it any time soon.
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A
female
reader, Fiona xxx +, writes (24 July 2008):
 There is a huge stigma surrounding benefits and not working.
Is he ill/disabled?
If not he should be in work, and having goals etc. We know people who have been made redundant and later that year they got a new job. Or perhaps others are not in work for a year or so.
For many people who are unemployed it's like almost a full time job doing forms, interviews and going to the job centre and so on. You soon learn somebody's attitude once you compare this to your guy's situation.
Is he doing courses in say computer skills to look good on forms, or volunteering? There are so many steps to try and look good when it comes to getting a job.
If you marry somebody not working, you will be having so many financial responsibilites and worries. It's bad enough when somebody can't work at some point after they are married but to start off in this situation, it would be hard to see an end to it. I know where you are coming from hlskitten. It's hard to find common goals etc if you are working or at uni and the other person is doing neither.
Fiona.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (24 July 2008):
 If i met someone and they said they had been out of work for 4 yrs, unless there were health reasons, alarm bells would be ringing.
But no, its one of my golden rules not to date someone that doesnt work. But only you know what you want for the future. You might end up carrying this guy through life.
C xxxx
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A
male
reader, Phsyciatrist-to-be +, writes (24 July 2008):
 I reccomend you stick with him nd keep giving him your support: it could be all that's keeping him going. If he just cant be bothered though, then you need to sit down with him and talk about the situation.
So, in answer to your question: yes, stick by him and support him, but make sure he's putting the right amount of effort into finding a job.
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