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male
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anonymous
writes: my girlfiend and i have been in a steady relationship for 5 years. Over the past year and half, she wants sex less and less. On average when we first got together, we had sex 1-2 times aday. now, we are lucky to have sex 1-2 times a week. I suspect her of cheating, or the simple fact that she is no longer interested in sex, or w/ me for that matter. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, jbmsgnco  +, writes (1 January 2008):
I've been married 7 years. We are down to 1 X per month. I want it 2-3 times per week. She thinks there is something wrong with me to want sex that much.
Come to find out she is not attracted to me any more. Hence the eyes closed and no kissing or touching me.
So, count your blessings
A
female
reader, hannieseds  +, writes (6 June 2006):
 Hi there,
I soooo wouldn't worry about this. I was in the EXACT same situation (been together 5 years) EXCEPT I, the girl, wasn't 'getting enough' from my man! I couldn't understand why he only wanted it about once/twice a week and I unfortuntely learnt the hard way and started a HUGE argument that took a long time to get over. Now I realise if I had just talked to him about my concerns, I would have learnt how stressed/tired he was at that point in time. As the others have said, TALK to her and find out why she isn't as interested, chances are there is something more going on with her than she's letting on that is getting her down. xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2006): It's very normal for the sex to decrease when you've been together that long!
You see you're assuming she's interested in someone else - not you - but that's not true. When you've been together a while, a lot of the sexual chemistry fizzles out... but! There are ways of getting that spark back!
You may be inclined to get a bit moody with your girlfriend, and you might get yourself in to a situation where she feels like she has to "give you" sex. You have to avoid this situation at all costs, because the problem will become a whole lot worse.
What you need to do is make her feel sexual and desired again. You know how you are when you first start dating, the intensity of those feelings. You can work at getting that back. Plan some little romantic gestures, take her out for a romantic meal, buy her a gift, little things that maybe you used to do, but have stopped now. When you are in a romantic situation, talk about past and happy times, how you got together, talk about how she makes you feel, how much you fancy her - things like that.
There are a lot of little things people stop doing when they've been together a while, and it's those little things that make a sexual spark. Not only can you plan little romantic things, but even just little comments like "You look really sexy in that outfit" or "Your face looks so pretty when you have your hair like that".
Making your girlfriend feel like she is desired is the key to this situation. You need to psychologically make her feel like she did when you first met. If you can do this, your sexual relationship can take a turn for the better. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Lostandalone +, writes (5 June 2006):
 I wouldn't jump to conclusions like that just because of that. It could be a number of things. Communication is the key and you have to sit down and tell her how you feel and see if you all can get it worked out. 5 years is a long time in a relationship and I know you don't want to just throw that away. All relationships have dry spells and low points. Its not how you act before them its how you react during that makes you a stronger man and in turn a stronger couple. Just talk to her. Good Luck.
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