A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 4 years and best friend and colleague are breaking off. We never fought as such... we may disagree but not fights. Our colleagues/family members dont know anything about our relationship. We meet, date, everything like a couple.. .call each other bf/gf. But early on in the relationship he freaked out when i told him my family was urging me into accepting a marriage proposal. He said that time he doesnt love me and isnt ready for marriage. But we got back into dating and being good friends.3 years later... we are still dating but no L-word, M-word has been spoken. But i could see him improving... he once put my hand on his chest and said i think im in love... once he told me abt his family home and said every retlationship's base is friendship...and im special. 2 months before our breakup... he freaked out again when i told him about a friend going through turmoil with family forcing her on a marriage. he told me he doesnt know who he'll get married to. But when we chatted online, he opened up a lot and told me about the fact that he has separated parents and my friend's story disturbed him. Oh we both are from different nationalities and he is 1.9 years younger to me. He said he has to buy a house for his parents so they can be reunited. He's also ambitious. Mainly he doesnt know if he loves me..that i never gave him time to miss me. Nationality/age thing mite cause a problem intitially to convince parents, but he didnt seem tooo fussed by it.i gave him space...as he needed time to think..and during that time he said he loves me.. started opening up about his family...mom...etc.and was overly caring and loving. but suddenly he went back on the same track and being cold. when i confronted him over online chat... he said he wants to be left along...he doesnt wanna marry... maybe another few years... and he doesnt love me and so there's no point in going forward.we ended the conversation with a deal (maybe coz i was insistent) that when he goes on his vacation now... we shud maintain a casual friendship as he doesnt wanna lose me. when he's back...i shud stay out of touch for a month to see if he can be alone. if he loves me there's nothing left to prove.so what shud i do and what can i say/do to achieve the most +ve results.im 27.. he's 25. i love him and invested a lot in this relationship... i also dont have much time... might have to marry by this year or next year. please help. i want him to love and marry me.
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female
reader, josephy  +, writes (9 July 2009):
 probably he gave up and said if she doesn't want me and want space then fine I have to move on anyway (just what I think)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for ur advice ppl.
the update is as follows:
rite after the breakup-chat.. i continued to ignore his im-sorry, im-bad smses, didnt take any of his calls, didnt reply to any of his emails. after 3 days, he was smsing me with misssssss u's like crazy. i emailed him telling him i needed some space and time to sort my thoughts.
he replied saying he wont bug me again... but after a day he smsed me and told me he thought it was gonna be easy to stay away but the fact was he misseddd me and he continued to send me miss-u smses.... he had to travel that week...so he did and continued to shower me with sweet miss u smses.i wud occassionaly reply to his smses with a casual tone.
but after about a week.. he stopped smsing... no calls... no nothing. its been a week of no contact from either side. whats he thinking? what do i do? is he taking the space he said he wud after he's back from his vacation rite now itself?
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A
female
reader, josephy +, writes (22 June 2009):
I agree with the reader above I know a friend a girl from UAE she knew a guy of a different nationality.When they first met he kept saying that he is lonely and need her so its about being in a new country more than a love issue but the difference between yours and her story that he said to her that he loved her and asked her for marriage but she refused.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2009): You know what, although we want the man we love to marry us, there is no forcing them to marry. In the long run, you will be the one to suffer if you forced this man to marry you.
Put yourself in his shoes, would you want to be forced to get married? Would you want him one day to cheat on you and if you ask him why he married you he'll say because you FORCED him to? Marriage is something 2 people should agree with mutually.
As for the 4 years you have invested on him, you said at first he already freaked out. When you still continued with him, he might have understood it that you will be with him regardless if he will marry you or not. But isn't that warning enough for you that you will not get anything from this person? If you have decided during that time to let go, by now..you would have been with another guy who might have married you a long time ago like 2 years ago maybe. Meaning you wasted your time with this man.
Think of it this way, if he doesn't love you enough to marry you after the 4 years, then there is no point in spending any more affection, time and love with this person.
Your story is not uncommon in UAE. I have heard so many stories like this. To be honest, I am presently in UAE right now. A lot of expats in UAE enter into relationships for one reason...because its lonely to be away from their family and this is their way of coping up. People come and go in this part of the world. If you can manage a relationship without expecting a marriage, good for you. But if not you will be sorry.
As you are 27 years of old, believe me...you have a lot of time to start anew. You are still young at your age and its not too late to find a new love. You are not running out of time yet.
My suggestion is, forget wanting him to marry you. This should come from him and not you suggesting it or forcing it. For this thing I hate to say, it's only your boyfriend who knows if he will marry you or not. But based on your story, it might be a bad news.
Sorry dear, but this is just to wake you up.
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