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anonymous
writes: Hi. I've been dating my guy for almost four years and in the beginning, I loved him a lot. I mean he was the only guy I ever wanted to be with. We broke up a few times and I got to mingle around with some of my guy friends. Now, for about the past month, I've been having thoughts about cheating on my boyfriend and leaving him for good. I kind of want to break up with him, but then again I find myself thinking about it, and not being able to stand the fact of knowing he's alone and that he could get another girl. I know that is selfish and dumb, but in a way I still do love my boyfriend, but not in the way I used to. I just dont know what to do anymore. Is there any way I can love him more so I don't end up leaving him or cheating on him? HELP!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2005): Personally,i feel somewhat similar to the way which you just described...me and my b/f(which we just broke up)have been dating 3 yrs. off and on. And,like you said when we 1st got together...it was head over heels...he done some messing up and lying and i still stuck by his side through everything...when he dated someone else for like a month or 2 so did i(but,the only difference,was...i really liked mine,and he realized that and got jealous) we finally got back together back in the beginning of August,and one night he got drunk(which he drinks like evry w/e anyways) and left me @ a halloween party where my x-b/f was and i ended up cheating on him,not on purpose...it just kinda happened. I regret it bc now i have loss the one thing in my life that i wanted to work out in the long run...we were suppose to be getting married soon,but were not engaged officially yet....i mean in a way i think we will be back together,but i have said im sry so much and theres nothing else i can do...? what should i do? As,for you...dont cheat...you will have to live w/ that(just remember two wrongs dont make a right) and if i was u i would sit down and have a serious talk w/ him about everything and the way u feel bc if not,its not good to keep something like this balled up inside...something that has worked for me...is just yall two spend more quality time together and dont worry about anyone else....i think the more quality time spent together,the closer you will grow towards each other....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2005): I am actually going thru the same thing. I do not feel the same for my bf like before, i have also been thinking about this guy i seen before (not anymore). but i always think about him. So i feel the best thing to do is to sit and talk about both feelings and if they are mutual, then end it asap. you are not getting any younger. it hurts to move on, but it will be better for the future. if you are unhappy now what is the difference if you are without him. the difference is you do not have him anymore. but get pass that and you will a lot better with yourself. great luck to all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2005): Well I have sort of been in your situation because my boyfriend and me were arguing constantly, plus my feelings for him went down the drain after a dramatic situation flew past our relationship. I decided to cheat on him, but I then realised if he finds out then he will be hurt seriously, so I decided to just finish so both of us could then move on, which I have now and now happily in love with someone else.So I suggest that is what you have got to do: just finish it and wish him the best of luck in his further future.Thank you and I hope it all helps!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2005): Hi there. The worst thing you could do if you think you want to stay with your boyfriend is think of cheating on him, let alone actually cheating. Imagine how this would make you feel.You have to make a decision one way or the other. If you do love him but the feelings have started to dwindle a bit that can always be sorted out either with some good relationship counselling or by trying to put the initial spark back into the relationship. Try thinking back to when you first met and how you felt with that first kiss. All relationships go through phases of getting stuck in a rut. Especially those that have been together for a few years. It is up to you if you want it to work with him then you will do your utmost to make things change for the better (both of you, I mean). If you feel that it is time to call it quits then that is what you must do, but please don`t add insult to injury by cheating on your guy and staying with him.I hope that this will be a little bit of help for you hunny. Take care and really give this some quite serious thought.
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reader, Ruth +, writes (2 May 2005):
It's really common: "I don't want him, but don't want anyone else to have him". I think if you're having these feelings then the best thing to do for both your sakes is to end the relationship. With my ex, someone once said can you see yourself spending the rest of your life with him? The answer I gave was no, so I ended it. I think you'll start to resent him and if you cheated on him the guilt that you would feel would be even worse for you and him. You can only decide if you want to break up, just remember that there are someone elses feelings involved. Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2005): You need to tell him that you don't love him anymore!Its unfair on him, b*tchy or what...you don't want to break up with him as he might get another girl. Look from his perspective; why should he stay single just because he isn't with you? But you want to fake the relationship so he can't get another girl. That's wrong and selfish, and you want to cheat on him... I think he is too good for you, I recommend telling him how you HONESTLY (shouldn't kill you) feel and stay good mates and break up so you both can look for people you both love. Your love for him now probably is as good mates and not the bf/gf kind.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2005): Cheating is the coward's way of dealing with relationship stress. Please convince yourself that you can do better. All relationships change over time. After a year, you're bound to feel differently than you did in the beginning. Sounds like you are a Neo-Phile....a lover of newness, and the bliss that surrounds the budding relationship. This can be a huge problem for many years to come. Neo-philes suffer from a huge fear of intimacy. When the bliss dies, neo-philes feel bored. Instead of forging deeper into the next phase of love, they leave. You need to examine your past relationship history to see if this is a pattern. If it is, then work on losing the fear of getting close. If it's not, then you may legitimately be out of love and ready to leave the relationship. Don't however be a coward, or put your personal integrity to shame by cheating. That's just another indication that you truly fear intimacy. You can confront this fear by talking to your partner and expressing your dissatisfaction with how things are going. Make a decision to stay and work on it, or to leave. But please, behave like a strong, confident woman and confront the issue head on. Cheating makes the original problem bigger, and more difficult to deal with. It never solves anything, and results in serious emotional pain for all involved. I hope you have enough self esteem and wisdom to do the right thing, both for yourself, and for your boyfriend. Although you may not love him, I'm sure you care about him. I hope you choose wisely.
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