A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My boyfirend and i have been seeing each other for 6 months,he says i am a lovely person and to good for him,most of the women he has been with in the past havent been to good.he says i look unapproachable,and attract the wrong men.what he means by this i dont know.i'm 44 and have had 2 failed marriages,he is 40 never married.i feel like i am on test.Sex is great but there doesnt seem to much passion.he didnt lose his virginaty to late in life.I just love him to bits,but unsure how he feels about me,he says he finds it hard to show his feelings.but if he did then maybe there could be abit more passion as i dont want to let go to much either as i dont want to get hurt.All abit confusing i know. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (3 May 2007):
 It is a bit confusing and I hope you don't mind me having a stab at answering your question ( I always feel a little hypocritical answering questions about people who have actually experienced marriage and break up etc) but it seems to me like you're both holding back passion wise. You expect him to show more passion and feelings but you're not willing to take the same leap yourself. Therefore you're both giving each other the signals that maybe there isn't passion there to start with.
I think his comment about you being unapproachable makes sense. Guys often say the same thing about me, that they're put off chatting me up when we meet because my body language suggests I belong to someone else. For you this almost certainly comes from your failed marriages. After all, I imagine marriage conditions you to try and repel other men from finding you attractive which is a hard habit to break and, suffering from the same problem, I must admit I don't know how to solve it. All I know is he's obviously spelling it out to you that he wants you to let go a bit and initiate the passion perhaps. The fact that he didn't lose his virginity til later in life makes him shy and self conscious about doing so. Someone has to take the first step or your relationship will fizzle and he sounds like too much of a catch to let that happen.
Good luck!
CD
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