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female
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anonymous
writes: dear cupid,my husband and i have been married for 15 years,and we are very secure in our marriage.but we need to spice it up a bit.my question to you is it cheating if we have a threesome? thanks
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male
reader, neil76  +, writes (23 October 2010):
It's not "cheating" because by its very nature, it's not being carried out behind you or your partner's back. You're secure - that's a very good start. It can certainly spice things up, but has to be done in the right way if there aren't going to be repercussions.
Take out the 'reality' factor, and make it more of a fantasy, albeit one you're physically acting out. The 'third party' should be either someone you both trust implicity, and better still someone far removed from your usual circle of peers, to minimise the risk of longer-term jealousies or insecurities.
If you're both, say, in your mid-thirties or older, you might try a younger partner..early 20s perhaps, who isn't part of your usual socail circle. That way you can both enjoy all the spice which goes with that scenario, but with little realistic prospect of long-term jealousies - separating fantasy from reality in the real world.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2010): It's not cheating, because you'd be open about it, but it will break the vows of the marriage, if you are married. Another reason not to do it is because it's a phase alot of married (or long term relationship) people go through when they feel comfortable enough with each other, and they feel they won't be jealous or hurt. It starts with the fantasy of it, and ends up a real life scenario at times. There's a huge difference between keeping it a fantasy and potentially doing damage to your feelings of each other by applying the fantasy to make it real. It works with some, but others will lose their great relationship or marriage because of it. It's a gamble, really, so just be sure that you've communicated each other's feelings and thoughts about it, and what you both feel may happen because of it. If you want to follow the marriage vows, it's obviously not a part of it, but it's your choice, ultimately, how much you wish to possibly sacrifice or tear apart, being you're married.
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male
reader, Cognac  +, writes (15 July 2010):
What most people have said on here is true. It can be hazardous to your marriage. Things change over time. Relationships change. My wife and I have been together along time. We have and continue to have threesomes with women. I don't go behind her back with anyone. No need. She enjoys the extra company. We didn't do it to spice up our sex-life or marriage. Our sex-life and marriage is fabulous. So when some people say it is not the answer, it's true. There is no spice for a relationship. Trust and honesty is needed. Talk about your interests and fears. Sex in a marriage should not be something only in the bedroom with the lights off. If you are not comfortable with meeting the needs of your lover or yourself, then you need help, not spice.
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female
reader, junkyardstripper  +, writes (5 April 2008):
I believe that as long as your heart belongs to your spouse or significant other, it is not cheating. Love is of the heart, soul and mind not of the penis for vagina.
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female
reader, loveRgrl +, writes (8 December 2007):
Well,I've been married for 5 years now (together for 8) and I wouldn't consider it cheating IF you both really want this.If it's just one of you and the other one is going along with it to make the other one "HAPPY" or to fufill some kind of fantasy I would advise against it. We have some friends that are "swingers" they do this stuff all the time we DON'T! After awhile my husband started asking questions,making fun alittle,just being curios I guess...then he started giving little hints,making comments.I always heard him talk about how "AWESOME" it would be to watch two girls. Well, one night I got pretty drunk and somethings happened.After that he wanted them over all the time and always wanted to fix me a drink(or ten) here he was getting excited and I was feeling dirty,used and ashamed. I thought it would help our boring marriage(we have 3 kids and he's a work-a-holic)BUT it only made thing worse.I became very selfconcious and began to wonder hmm...if I stop doing this will he leave me for someone who's into that kind of thing?He knows it REALLY bothers me even now.But, just today he talked about wanting to go to a swingers club...JUST TO WATCH! I siad til' when? This has happened months ago and I'm still dealing with the effects...Just to Spice Up Our Marriage...
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female
reader, loveRgrl +, writes (8 December 2007):
Well,I've been married for 5 years now (together for 8) and I wouldn't consider it cheating IF you both really want this.If it's just one of you and the other one is going along with it to make the other one "HAPPY" or to fufill some kind of fantasy I would advise against it. We have some friends that are "swingers" they do this stuff all the time we DON'T! After awhile my husband started asking questions,making fun alittle,just being curios I guess...then he started giving little hints,making comments.I always heard him talk about how "AWESOME" it would be to watch two girls. Well, one night I got pretty drunk and somethings happened.After that he wanted them over all the time and always wanted to fix me a drink(or ten) here he was getting excited and I was feeling dirty,used and ashamed. I thought it would help our boring marriage(we have 3 kids and he's a work-a-holic)BUT it only made thing worse.I became very selfconcious and began to wonder hmm...if I stop doing this will he leave me for someone who's into that kind of thing?He knows it REALLY bothers me even now.But, just today he talked about wanting to go to a swingers club...JUST TO WATCH! I siad til' when? This has happened months ago and I'm still dealing with the effects...Just to Spice Up Our Marriage...
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007): Pornography is a LIE. What you see depicted in those videos is nothing but taking the power of procreation; the power that unifies a husband and wife and strengthens their love, trust, commitment, relationship, friendship, fidelity and distorts and destroys this special bond.
I say it is cheating and offense to such a gift given to us from Our Heavenly Father.
I will say to not do it; that there are other means for you to spice up your marital sex life. Seek after avenues that will strengthen your bond to one another.
Lingerie, read a sex book together to try new positions, new locations. Keep sex between you and your husband.
You wanted to know and that is what I have to say on the matter.
You choose.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007): We tried this a month ago. We've been married 8-years and although my wife doesn't think our sex-life needs spicing up I had an ongoing fantasy of seeing her with another man. I talked to her about it for 3-years, putting it out there and aggravating her about it. She really didn't want to do it, but after awhile I guess it was sort of a turnon. I know she is gorgeous but she lacks some confidence about sex. If for any reason she had done it it was to prove something to herself, that she could turn another guy on. Finally after me continueally asking and writing her scenarios of it happening and assuring her that I wouldn't get mad she said she'd consider it. She would consider it only if it was a one-time thing and we wouldn't discuss it afterward. She didn't want it to be with anyone we knew, but we were also afraid of someone we didn't know because of STD's, or them just being a flatout psycho. I started giving a buddy of mine clues, not saying my wife wanted to try a threesome but telling him that he should text her and flirt with her. To make a very long story shorter, we ended up getting her to agree to it. The night it was supposed to happen she delayed it and got sleepy and went to bed, my buddy finally went home. The next day we all hang out together and got some liquor to drink that night. My wife still did a few things to maybe try to delay it, or to get out of it but eventually we got to flirting and she seemed more at ease. We went to the bedroom and when I had her to go over to my friend who was standing against our dresser to undo his pants, she did but when he pulled her too him and started kissing her neck I could see she was about to cry. I asked her if she was okay, asked her if she wanted to stop but she said she was fine. Eventually she started moaning and gasping a little bit as he kissed her neck. However when he brought her lips to his I felt an overwhelming pain of jealousy. She did turn away from him pretty quickly and he continued on her neck. He tried to kiss her again and it lasted maybe 10 seconds, and I had to look away, she turned away again but I was insanely jealous and getting a bit angry at that point. I said, "I'm not too fond of the kissing" and my buddy just smiled at me but my wife sort of pulled away. She ended up performing fellatio on both of us, and I had sex with her. I asked her before she did fellatio on him if she wanted to have sex with him, she just said it was up to me. I told her it was up to her and instead of sex she did go down on him. When she went to the bathroom I followed her and she just broke down, crying. She said she couldn't go through with having sex with him, why did I want her to have sex with him, and she couldn't go back in the same room with him. I told her how that watching the kissing had really hurt me and made me realize that I didn't even want the fantasy. Now, 4-weeks later, I am still jeaous. I know it was my fault, I know she didn't want to do it, but then I wonder if she might really have wanted to do it. That is my mental hangup, and I know she feels terrible about herself for doing it. I should be thankful she didn't have sex with him, I should be thankful that she still loves me despite me betraying our love. I just know that we have a super strong relationship, almost like an old timey perfect TV family type of relationship and still it could have been disastrous. Right now I can't wait until she gets home from work. I worry about her, I worry she is thinking about him, or regret that she didn't go all the way with him. I constantly ask her questions about it. I constantly feel bad because of it. I very much recommend not doing it, strongly recommend that you don't do it. I do not consider it cheating because there is permission, however that is before it happens. After it happens you may feel like it was cheating, or you may question your partners thoughts and motives, thinking that they really wanted it or that even though you thought you wanted it, instead you were manipulated into it by your partner. There's always the possibility that you or your partner is totally gonna resent the other person for it and the relationship will never be the same.
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female
reader, sexi  +, writes (4 July 2007):
 Hi, I dont think that is a good idea. If the third peons is a girl would you really like to see someone elsew make your man moan (Sorry for the being abrupt), i wouldn't and if it is a guy your husband can uses that against you in the future ( if he is that type of a person). Try the other ways mentioned, that would be safer and more appropriate.
Have Fun!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2007): ARE YOU NUTS. A three way will not spice up your marriage. It will open the door to cheating. Why don't you try some other things first. Toys, fantacies, dirty movies, etc.
You might find you enjoy playing one of these:
Boss-secretary fantasy, you can interview them or act like you are on a business trip and there is only one room left in the hotel.
Schoolgirl-Teacher fantasy. Tell him you have a crush on him. Is it time for sex-ed at school? "I think you need to stay after class for some private tutoring."
Doctor-patient fantasy. Take your patients temperature, listen to their heart. Please remove your clothes and get ready for your exam. Your regular doctor is on vacation and a new sexy doctor has taken his place. " You seem a little tense, let me teach you how to masturbate."
Robin Hood-Maid Marian fatasy. Wendy- Peter Pan fatasy. Bonnie-Clyde fatasy. Hermione-Harry Potter fantasy.
Boy Scout-Girl Scout fantasy. Camp out in the same tent, sleeping bag. You may want to play you show me yours, I'll show you mine. Now that you've made it into the girls camp,
what do boy scouts really want to do to girl scouts? Teach them how to make a fire?
Handyman- housewife fantasy. Put your tool belt on and she will show you what to fix
Robber fantasy. He breaks in your house or apartment and, well you know. Watch out, you may get tied up. "Please I'll do anything, please don't hurt me.
Kitty-Tom Cat fantasy. Simba - Kiara, Lady & the Tramp. Meow, he is an old tom cat and your a little kitty. No talking, just meowing and purring or growling.
Slave fantasy. You have come to the slave market and you want to look over the merchadise. You have to make sure they are healthy and meet your requirements. You buy your slave at the Roman slave market and then make them do what you want.
Flight Attendant and Passenger fantasy "Coffee, tea,... or me?"
Firefighter and Frightened Citizen fantasy "Let me get my hose and put your fire out."
Photographer and Subject fantasy "Why don't we try some with your clothes off...smile."
Star "Trekee" and Star Trekee: "Beam me up Scotty, a Klingon's invading Uranus!"
Babysitter fantasy. The baby is asleep and your boyfriend comes over. Or the babysitter stays the night and your spouse is away. Or you are watching a high school boy for the weekend and he needs a bath, back rub, to talk about girls and get some pick up ideas from you. Ask him if you can answer any questions he may have about girls.
Policeman fantasy. Try to talk yourself out of a ticket, he may want to search you. "Spread 'em!"
Cheerleader-Football player fantasy. Two four six eight. Push em back, way back.
Superman-Lois or Supergirl Fantasy. Lois gets a night with Superman. Supergirl is Superman's young cousin, but who else could pop her cherry.
Naughty girl fantasy. She has been naughty and needs a spanking. Pull her panties down and give her a good one. What will she do to make you stop spanking her?
Movie star fantasy. One of you gets to bag their favorite TV or movie star.
First Love fantasy. Do you remember kissing in the car after the dance, and making out in your family room with your parents upstairs. Do you remember the first time he felt your reast or she touched the front of your jeans. Play like it is the first time he rubs you through
your panties. Were you scared the first time he put his hands in your panties and fingered you? Be a virgin. Did he remember to bring a rubber?
Try harder to be fun before you ask another to improve your marriage.
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A
male
reader, motornut +, writes (27 October 2006):
It is not cheating as you both agree to it. It might help to avoid jealousy if you vary the sex of the third party, sometimes a man, sometimes a woman. That way you both have fun. I wish you well, as i would dearly love to see another man have sex with my wife, but she wont do it. We have another woman in our bed but i was only allowed to watch, not touch.
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female
reader, Ne'cee +, writes (26 October 2006):
 I think having a threesome is ok if you are secure in your relationship, but be careful. Make sure its not someone that either one of you knoe, that could cause problems. Dont do it at home. Some woman associate sex with love and that could cause problems in your relationship. If he knows the person later you'll think its someone he has been wanting to have sex with and if you do it at home it gives the other woman a chance to pop up at your house without you knowing. So again be careful and have fun. (i suggest mybe going through a personal add to find the person that will agree with the situation)
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (25 October 2006):
 Personally I DO think it's cheating and a very bad idea as well. You made your vows "forsaking all others" don't break them. Try sexy lingerie, different positions, locations, etc...be creative but be faithful to your marriage. Have fun!
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male
reader, David Lewis +, writes (25 October 2006):
 Do you intend this threesome to be a regular thing? Otherwise how can a one off occasion spice up a 15 year marriage?
Personally, the thought of my partner with another guy makes me physically sick and I often have nightmares.
I think this could bring more problems into the relationship and would try to discourage the idea. Once this has happened, it will be very difficult to banish the thoughts. Animosity and resentment can build up and can possibly destroy what you already have.
I have seen so many people who regret having threesomes. Not too many relationships are made stronger by introducing another person into your shared intimacies.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2006): My advice: Don't go there.
Threesomes tend to bring out some of the worst emotions in human nature (jealousy, anger, bitterness, humiliation, envy)
That's what I learnt off a radio show from a station here in Great Britain!
AC
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (25 October 2006):
 Well, it's not cheating if you and your husband are both okay with it.
However, make sure you thoroughly think about all the emotional consequences that come with a threesome. They can be fun, but often jealousy can arise when you don't expect it, or things get awkward. Make sure that this isn't a resentment you hold against each other for the rest of your marriage.
Enjoy!
Love, India
xx
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