A
female
age
41-50,
*reen eyed mulatto
writes:Okay well i have been in a LDR for a year and i feel like I have a strong connection to this guy we me online 18 mnths ago;and hit it off chatted video chatted talk about any and everything! Finally we arranged to meet for my birthday that September and he went to jail for some minor situation he had with his family, anyway i told him i want to reschedule another time we could meet btw he lives in Ohio I live in Florida! He said no he would fly me out to see him instead a mnth or so later well that time came and wwent and i did'nt bring it up about if he had made arrangements for my visit and he claimed he did'nt do it because i never mentioned it...hmmm, We first met on a social website were after a while i had to delete my profile because he became Jealous over other men seeing me and talking to me! Once i deleted my account he told me i did not have to do that...I should of just conducted myself better like he did with other women now yes it is true before we officially became a coupe i was talking to other guys but after the fac i ceased all other contact.But still he complained about everything i did on the site until i finally deleted it{even thought he stills has his account active} but he tells me he does not talk to other women and sent me proof apparently to a conversation of him brushing off another girl who was trying to talk to him. I have never been in a LDR before or done the online dating thing, however i do feel fortunate to have met this person we share until i did i did not think you could have so much in common with another person..my only problems now is every time we have set a date to meet something comes up now i do know that he has had legal troubles with his daughters mother that has recently put a financial strain on him! However he has informed me that once he had all that taken care of he was going to come down finally so we could hang out I feel very deeply for this person and even though hes not good at being mushy, he has expressed he cares for me too! But Now when i bring up us going ahead to make it official that he will be here for my bday he just replies with I'm playing it by ear!Hmmm it's been a year im sick of waiting for him to make a move i have most certainly expressed this to him and on top of that he has started calling me less and less over the past few mnths if we talk it's because i call him we i have strong personality but I need a physical connection he says he wants to meet as well and realizes it's over due but want make anything official i don't won't to just give up because in the past when i tried he got angry and called me a quitter but if he does not show up by my bday this yr i'm going to end iti not sure if this is the right choice need some advice!!
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male
reader, Tom Obler  +, writes (4 August 2011):
 Thank you for your follow up. i truly hope things work for you. Please keep us informed how things go and we can always help again. Thank you.
A
female
reader, green eyed mulatto +, writes (4 August 2011):
green eyed mulatto is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you very much for our responses...first and furthermost I have not had many relationships i was married for 6yrs, to my high school sweet heart, so it was hard for me to start dating anyone for that matter again. But when i met this person i felt like there was some sparks there but was not trying to rush into anything! He was persistent in getting to know me and was a gentlemen so i was obliged to at least try!Yes as far as his legal obligations I'am well aware of the fact he has had his fair share, but I do not judge him for having a child with his high school sweetheart at a young age.he has more than expressed to me that he wants a stable permanent relationship, and this is also his first time dating anyone long distance so we are both new to this kind of circumstances! He has also told me that what he wants to do is come and spend weeks on end with me not just a few days..so he must have all his business in order.Since our relationship has begun, he has become responsible for his nephew who got kicked out of school and is now living with him, and his cousin who is his roommate who became sick awhile back and he was tending to...This past May his sis relocated to Atlanta and he was suppose to assist her with the move and he ended up not helping her with that as well because he was not able to because of unexpected legal obligations for his daughter..I'am most certainly aware of everything that has been transpiring in the recent months. The reason i have given him until my bday is because he said he had planned to be on his second visit at least at that time and because of unfortunate circumstances has not made it here yet!I'am a very patient person if something is worth waiting for i will wait forever, and he too shares this ability however life is to short and we must take the next step i made a commitment to him after 6 mnths because we both agreed we were ready for a permanent relationships!This is not just some guy i like and want to get to know more...He is my soulmate that I'am sure of, no matter what the circumstances were on how we met online or otherwise. Yeah we both been have been off the grid as far as proper LDR etiqette, but the fact that he has never been in one and neither have i,i think we have done a good job at making each other happy...and he has more than expressed he will meet me not just half way..but all the way he wants to come to me so thank you all for your help! And he knows his deadline is my bday and i do have faith he will meet it!
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A
male
reader, Tom Obler +, writes (3 August 2011):
No, don't waste your time here. He doesn't want to pull away from the on line aspect. He has cancelled or pulled out every time. Also, there is too much going on here with the legal business that you don't truly know about. Also, the anger aspect when you deleted him. I would pull away now. I google the distance and it is 1060 miles. Meet ups would be few and far between and he doesn't seem to want to encourage these.As a last chance, make your birthday a final mark. If he does nothing by then, leave immediately.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (3 August 2011):
 In a nutshell, if he really wanted to meet you and get to know you outside of the electronic world..he would have already.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2011): I don't think you should wait until your birthday to end it. With all the turmoil in this man's life he is clearly not ready for a relationship, long distance or otherwise.
For future reference there is no point in making any serious commitments to someone far away until you have a definite plan for one or both of you to relocate. By definite plan I mean date set, plane or bus ticket in hand, house sold or apartment lease cancelled and new job set up. Doing it before you have that is really no different than placing dibbs on someone. It's unfair to both parties.
Similar rule of thumb applies to dating someone locally. Unless you have good reason to believe the person is a suitable life long mate and you want to spend the rest of your life with them, don't make any serious commitments there either. Someone may be good company for the short term, but that doesn't make them great for the long haul. Unless you're married or engaged, you're single. That means you can date whomever you like (and dating means going out on dates, not hopping into bed).
Even if your guy wasn't long distance and stringing you along, I'd say get rid of him. He's created a lot of mess in his life and you don't need that in yours. And your future children deserve better as well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2011): I agree with you. There has to come a point at which you say enough is enough. It isn't about being a quitter, it's about being sensible! You can't hang on forever waiting for this guy to get his act together. Final chance: let him know in no uncertain terms that if you don't meet up in person before your birthday, it's over. If he's worth it he'll move heaven and earth if necessary to make it happen somehow, if not, then cut your losses and move on. Life's too short to waste your time with people who won't meet you halfway. Good luck and take care x
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