| A ,
*irene
writes: Hello. I have been "friends" with a guy for about a year now. We started off dating, and had great sex for about two weeks. Then, he pulled back and said that we should be just friends. Then, he said that we couldn't be just friends, and he wanted to date me. Then, after about a month, he said that he just didn't "feel like jumping on me." So, we've remained friends that cuddle and sleep (just sleep) together for the past 8 months or so. More then a few times I've gotten upset over this non relationship, and I've told him it hurts me that we're not together. Just recently, he finally admitted that he is in love with me, and that he is attracted to me. But, he says that the thought of having sex with me makes him feel like he would be too "naked, or exposed." He has had many many women in the past, but I think that they were not girls he was really in love with. And so...he is trying to be more open with me. We kiss, but it never becomes passionate, and I fear being rejected if I were to try to undress him or get sexual with him. He has suggested therapy, but I'm just wondering...is this something that can really be overcome? Is it possible he will one day be able to feel sexual and desire me? Or, is this something that will always plague us, and I have to move on, even though we both love each other very much.I think he is really afraid of the intimacy, commitment, and love that a relationship requires. I just want to know...will we ever be able to have a sex life together? He is open and communicative with me...but...he just says that he is trying to be more open, but it just doesn't work.I fear the problem is psychological, and i just don't know how to fix it...Please help with any similar stories or advice.Thanks
View related questions:
move on, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, Indian_girl21 +, writes (13 June 2005):
its sounds as though he's been around and played around, slept with a fair amount of women, now wants to settle down. but, perhaps he's scared that if he starts having a lot of sex he'll go back to his old ways. so is taking it extremly slow.to spice up the sex life, try asking him what his fantasy is... and act it. you could try the conventional rose petals in the bath tub and have a bath together... suprise him, make it really bubbly so he doesn't feel naked. before going therapy you need to find the root of the problem and make him acknowledge that there is a problem and you're not reading anything into it. its evident you care for this guy and its reciprocal... just try and pin point his insecurity and work on it. remember, women need to be felt sexy and wanted physically and mentally just as much as men do. to be honest, me and my partner were extremly physical in our relationship and then it died completly, i prefered hugging and cuddling more so. didn't mean i felt less, just wanted to feel more loved and cared for. being held is such a warm and gentle feeling, we all need it from time to time. i have a lot of problems so it was like a re treat for me, being held, made my problems fly away.but then, i realised i had no sex life... he was beginning to get touchy and thought it was him when it wasn't and we went out one evening and talked it all through. my friends suggested a nice sexy approach, blind folding him and dressing and doing intimate things with him.. to make him feel wanted and showing love and not just rushing into sex, but taking it slow.good luck and i hope i have been a bit helpful to you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2005): Gosh - how confusing for you ! you are right to want to move on from this situation as its obviously not a good place to be. What this guy needs is to sort himself out - he is either a great liar or has some serious issues about his sexuality if you know what I mean.When he suggests councelling I hope he means for himself because believe me you have not got a problem and mustnt begin to think you have - except maybe with confidence?You are a healthy normal person and if you want to support him to sort this out - great - he is very lucky to have you. Let him get 'councelling'but remember this is not a problem between the two of you, its his to resolve.you are obviously a caring person but you may need to move on and find a real relationship as you deserve. Can I suggest you think about why you need him so much - Its easy to become obsessed with one person and forget the world exists - been there done that and when you wake up you will be amazed at what you could have missed.Friends are wonderful but we all need fulfilling relationships - it may be hard to believe now, but there is one out there for you if this doesnt work out. You will still have a friend, because lets face it that is all you have now anyway. Good Luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2005): I think that you and your friends have had a close bond together for sometime, just not a romantic one. You have shared a lot together in your friendship. But now your both in a new relationship, even though you have known each other for some time. I know that you want to get your romance relationship back on track, but before you do this you and your friend should feel open about things together, not just share things as friends but as a couple too. I think you need to start from scratch in your relationship, start dating all over again with each other just like a couple, not a friendship, but an intimate one.
...............................
|
