A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been recently dumped by my bf over text with no real explanation. He refuses to reply when I ask for an explanation. One of the reasons may be me recently being needy and constantly calling.I'm trying to move on as this is my only option. I have a few questions though: How long does it take to stop thinking about your ex constantly? I've had no contact with him for a few days, how often does no contact work in getting an ex back? I know I shouldn't be waiting for him but I feel like he gave up too easily. I love him and would like the relationship to work but I think he's give up on us entirely. I would appreciate any advice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your responses. Thank you especially to CMMP for your last piece of advice. I do need to reflect on my behaviour. A part of me wants to try and make our relationship work but that can only happen if he comes back. Which I very much doubt, I need to move on and I think the no contact is helping. His reasoning for leaving me or the way in which it happened seems all too irrational since he never brought up any relationship issues whilst in the relationship.
Onwards and upwards I guess. Thank you again
A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (10 April 2013):
A lot of the answers here are kind of mean and are presuming to know more than they do.
No contact does work. It inadvertently worked for me (I didn't want her back and didn't take her back when she wanted me).
And I completely disagree that he's already over you- that's BS and akin to kicking someone while they're down. He doesn't want to be with you anymore but I'd be shocked if he didn't think of you considering you were together for two years. He probably just decided he couldn't take your behavior anymore and was too cowardly to end it face to face.
Either way, no contact is the wise choice, so I'd stick with it. It'll take a while to get over him but it'll happen soon enough. Try to learn a lesson here. Often people break up due to incompatibility. I rarely say this but in this case you actually caused it with your behavior. Think about why you were acting that way and try to make yourself a better person (and thus girlfriend).
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 April 2013):
 How long does it take to stop thinking about your ex constantly?
In my experience at least 6 weeks of no contact. I know right now you wake up and he’s the first thing you think of. You think of him constantly. He’s the last thing you think of as you fall asleep. You may even dream of him. This is NORMAL. ONE day you will wake up and not think of him the second you wake up… you may not think of him till you get in the shower… THAT is progress. Weeks and weeks or maybe months from now, you will lay down in bed and you will think of him and you will realize it’s the FIRST time that day you thought of him. WOW.. that’s powerful. It’s called healing. It takes a long time. I’ve been there done that.
“I've had no contact with him for a few days, how often does no contact work in getting an ex back?”
If they broke up with you… it does not work. He wanted out, why would he come after you? He won’t. NO CONTACT is part of healing. The only time we go NO CONTACT to bring a partner back to us is if our partner is STILL our partner and is not rowing the relationship boat, instead letting us do all the work. I use this with my husband when he’s being stupid and forgetting to not take me for granted. I cut back on my calls to him, my emails to him and even my conversations with him, it takes him.. hmmm…. Less than 24 hours to start rowing our boat again.
In your case, no contact will not bring him back to you.
The way he dumped you sucks. The fact that he won’t give you an explanation sucks but it’s all you have. He doesn’t even have to have a reason. “I don’t wanna date you any more” is his reason and that’s all you have. It’s sad but it’s true.
Write yourself a note to come back and update us in a year and let us know how you are doing. by then you should be all better.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your responses. I appreciate it.
I agree that yes I do have alot of self work to do. We were going out for 2 years and he wanted to get married recently. He changed quickly and his dumping was kinda out of the blew. He didnt want to discuss it. I agree that I have made mistakes of being to needy towards the end but surely I deserved an explanation?
Maybe I am looking at this whole situation in the wrong way, thats why its nice to have the perception of you guys. Thank you
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2013): "How long does it take to stop thinking about your ex constantly?"
It depends. It probably took your ex only a few seconds to stop thinking about you after he dumped you, about the time it took to breathe a huge sigh of relief.
"I've had no contact with him for a few days, how often does no contact work in getting an ex back?"
Far less often than it works in keeping an unwanted ex out of one's hair, where the success rate is 100%.
"I know I shouldn't be waiting for him but I feel like he gave up too easily."
He probably thinks he stuck it out far too long, and his opinion is the only one that counts.
"I love him and would like the relationship to work but I think he's give up on us entirely."
You are absolutely 100% correct.
"I would appreciate any advice"
You need to learn from your mistakes before you can move on, and you haven't learned. Your asking for an explanation for why he dumped you without explanation is exactly why he dumped you without explanation. You simply refuse to take "no" for an answer and you seem to think you can read his thoughts better than he can, so there's just no reasoning with you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2013): You were dumped hard and cold in a text message. He was over you long ago, if that is the most sensitive way he could think of to let you go. You admit to being clingy and needy, and he knew any other way would be over-dramatic and a lot of tears and emotion. To top it off, he seems like a heartless jerk.You are a needy person; which translates into low self-esteem and desperation. You centered your whole existence on being in a relationship with this guy. You pursue no interests outside of being with him. My dear, that jerk did you a huge favor. He set you free!You need to love yourself. Get out and broaden your interests outside of this guy; and feeling you are only validated by being his girlfriend. You need friends, some activities to motivate your spirit, and you need to live life on your own terms. You should be the subject and the predicate, not some misplaced comma in a grammatically incorrect sentence. Your relationship.Do not take him back. I'll give you several reasons why he left you, besides being a total A-hole:He was tired of you clinging and whining.He couldn't breath unless he shared the air with you.You have no friends of your own, and nothing to do with your time accept keep track of him.You are insecure and require reassurance and nurturing like an infant.He probably found someone just the opposite of all the things you are, and have admitted to.Your self esteem is so low, that you would take him back in spite of the fact he doesn't care enough about you (or your feelings), to breakup face to face.He doesn't have a molecule of respect for you.(end) You know in your heart why he left you, but you would rather wallow in self-pity and denial. Never put yourself down or stoop beneath your dignity, and take any guy back that would dump you with a text message. You are worth far better than being treated in such a manner!!!Get busy and distract yourself. Cry, eat a gallon of ice cream, and a few chocolates, and get him out of your system.Get a new hairstyle, go to the gym. Save some money for a little holiday. Throw away anything and everything that remotely reminds you of that A-hole and live. LIVE!!!You are in your early twenties and have a lot of life ahead of you. You'll meet a lot of eligible men along the way.It starts when you focus on YOU!!!
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (9 April 2013):
 I dont think I've ever heard of 'no contact' winning an ex back, however the main use for 'no contact' is to help the person who has been dumped to move on.
He clearly has given up too easily, and is a great big coward for not even having the decency to give you a reason why he left. Keep reminding yourself of how badly he has treated you in this situation whenever you feel like calling him - remind yourself of what a jerk he has been and how you can do better than him. A nice guy who cares about you and loves you would never behave like this, so you deserve a lot better than this guy. I know it doesnt feel like it right now, and you love him - but you deserve to be loved in return and these are not the actions of a man who loves you.
It varies by person in terms of how long it will take to stop thinking about him constantly, I'd say probably a few months, maybe between 1-3 months depending on how long you were together.
All you can do is delete his phone number, delete his email address, delete him off facebook and basically make sure you dont have any opportunity to contact him when you are having a weak moment. Keep yourself busy by seeing friends and family, find some new hobbies or maybe volunteer for charity. Read a few books you have meant to get round to reading, get a few new clothes to make you feel good about yourself and get your hair done.
Do everything you can to cheer yourself up, and do your best to keep busy. Eventually as time goes on you will start to rebuild your life without him, you will start to feel ok about being alone again and you will start to move on. But there is no rush, what he has done is pretty crappy and you are going to feel rubbish for a while. Dont force yourself to feel happy or fake that you are ok, its fine to be sad and feel like crap for a couple of months.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (9 April 2013):
If he gave up too easily it's because he didn't care enough.
No contact isn't some foolproof way to get your ex back. It's just the most effective way and simultaneously it helps you get over them. When people contact their exes it tends to make things worse. Begging, pleading, crying, etc, will make someone not ever want to be with you again.
If you've already embarrassed yourself then I wouldn't hope for too much. If you haven't then keep up the no contact until you're either being pursued by him or over him, whichever comes first.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2013): Forget about thoughts of trying to get him back. Also, he gave up on you because he wanted to, there is no requirement to 'work' at things if he felt he'd had enough. So draw the line there. Getting over someone is never easy and can take a time. But the best advice is not to contact him and in the short term don't go where you are bound to see him (sometimes hoping to see him). Keep busy and spend time with friends who will have doubtless had broken hearts and got over it - great for support when you are feeling low. Everyone has been there, you will be over it so be hopeful.
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