A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I have been happily married for the past six months. A couple of years ago I broke up with my ex of 6 years after meeting my current husband. It wasn't a good breakup, but I started it and I am so very happy I did it, so happy about my husband. After the break up I never heard from my ex ever again. Anyhow, yesterday I met a friend of mine told me "Guess what, I ran into your ex yesterday ..." but I interrupted her and said "I don't want to know anything about him". What does this mean? Why should I care about him so much that I don't want to know anything about him? I'm 100% positive I don't have any feelings left for him, negative ones, maybe, but I would never ever want to get back with him or hear from him. But why did I get so defensive and stopped my friend from updating me on his present life? Maybe the fact that he might be married/engaged or with a kid would piss me off and I don't even know why. Is there something wrong with me?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (10 April 2013):
 I tend to think you have unresolved issues about the ex also.
The opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is indifference or ambivalence.
Your reaction to hearing about your ex was swift (you interrupted her)and borderline hostile in my opinion.
When I have folks who say they heard my ex is happy I'm happy for the ex. I hold no animosity towards someone fro my past and in fact, I would be delighted to hear they had moved on and were happy. At one point I loved them, why would I want them to be unhappy now that they weren't mine?
A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (9 April 2013):
 HI
I think you have unresolved issues with the breakup if Im honest. If you really was NOT interested in his life it would not have bothered you in the slightest what your friend had to say. Also as your happy with your new husband maybe you felt you would be disloyal to speak of your ex. Either way curiosity will get the better of you now the subject has been brought up, so the next time you see your friend just bring it up in convo...this way you can move on from it and carry on with your marriage without ex's playing on your mind. It IS quite normal for this to happen, especially as once upon a time you loved him, so your bound to feel a little off if his happy with someone else, because it always makes us think " why didn't it work out between us" what does she have that I never had that did it for him....there will always be questions. Just get it out in the open, find out what his up to , be happy for him as im sure his happy for you and concentrate on having a great fullfilling marriage.
Mandy xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2013): I don't think there's anything wrong with you. I can relate - I initiated a break-up from my ex two years ago, and it was nothing to do wit not loving him. It was simply that we were not compatible and we were not going anywhereYou don't say if that, or similar, was the case with you, but sometimes we do have to break up with people when the relationship is not going how we would like it to, simply beacuse it is not working. It was not very polite of your friend to announce she had seen your ex anyway - that's the kind of thing to steer away from in conversation because even if we've 'moved on', enotions can still run high. It would be perfectly ok for you to still feel a bit emotional about this break-up, too, and it doesn't mean that you aren't happy. Just that we all have some sadnesses and things we would have liked to be but weren't in our lives, and there is no need to have these issues brought back up for us to ruminate over. Some things are what they are, and are really best left. You did the right thing in stopping your friend.
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