A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi i have a huge problem i need advice please. i've been dating this 43 yr olf guy 4 2yrs now we have loads in common and get on really well but lately he has gone very laidback he puts everything b4 me and it hurts me very much . it was my birthday yesterday i was kinda hoping he would pop the question but he told me the other day not to be expecting that cos he has no interest in getin married he said he didnt know what to get me so id have to tell him i said just get me some jewelery or a voucher 4 a shop that i didnt mind so his daughter told him to get me a voucher 4 a massage and a facial in a spa that was lovely and i asked him if he wud come to the cimema with me that nite we went had a nice time then when we got back to my house he told me he would be back in a few mins he was just goin to drop his daughter who was baby sittin 4 me up to his house where he lives with his mum i made tea for us and was waiting then he rang and said that this old man whom he sees everyday was up visiting in his house and he couldnt come back i got really upset and started crying cos once again he put someone else b4 me but to do that to me on my birthday was very hurtful i tx him when i went to bed and told him i was upset and that he hadnt got a clue his response to this was "NO GOOD NITE AND GOODBYE". i cried all nite i didnt know who to turn to can you please tell me what i should do i dont want to loose him i love him more than anything in the world. very sad very hurt and very much in love please help me Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2007): Hi Sweetie, maybe you could try being cool with him? At least for a little while, try to act un-bothered by his behaviour, go out and do things, say you are busy (even if you just go to the mall for an hour) basically act cool, and give him a little taste of his own medicine! It's a tried and tested fact that we all want the things that we seemingly can't have, so try to be brave, go for coffee with a girlfriend or have a girly evening with friends and be generally less available to him.
Also, you could try not acting upset if he lets you down, even if you are, try not to show it. It sounds like this guy is taking you for granted and he needs to snap out of it, or lose you!
Good luck and hope that you backing off brings him running back! xxxx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2007): hi it's me bk again . his daughter is staying with him for the easter . but it dosent matter cos even when shes not there he runs home every nite to his mammy and it's not just his family he puts b4 me it's his animals his friends his neighbours even people he dosent really like.it makes me feel like crap when he does that.i have told him how i feel several times and his response is always the same take me as i am if thats not enough 4 u then i think you need to find a new man.I live him so much cos when hes nice to me he's absolutley lovely.but he soon slips back to his old ways after a while.I wish somebody could tell me what to do I love him so much and i can not imagine ever being with anyone else ever.We have been through an awful lot together and he has been very good to me in the past. I dont want to loose him but I hate feeling this way like im not important and that im bein unreasonable and demanding expecting him to spend time with me.
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A
female
reader, elsie  +, writes (3 April 2007):
 has your fella been promising to marry you or mentioned anything about settling down even?how long has his mum and daughter been living with him?i think alot of men set out to impress at the start but sure enough they slip back to their old ways and we quickly see who they really are.ok he was wrong to not come back on your birthday but it sounds like hes committed to his own family as well.im in a similar setup.only my man is too involved with his ex and they have a child together!hes 40 and hes only just realising that hes not putting me first over her.hes admitted it.sounds like your man is putting you on the same level with his own family whilst theres nothing terrible about that surely he can see them anytime?its not like his dad was over on hols.your b'days only once a year/he sounds very set in his ways.i dont think a man can really change that much after turning 40.youll feel like you are banging your head off a brick wall.his callous text back to you shows theres something missing in his emotions.ive had days where my fella wouldnt even pick up the phone and HE was in the wrong.how did he split up with the mum of his girl?was he very hurt?has he openend up to you about it?you need to find out where hes coming from and sit down and talk.if theres any chance hes got to open up to you now.otherwise if it takes too long you will wonder if the fight was too long and too much and if the spoils are really worth it?????
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