A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok I've been dating this guy for a few months. Things moved pretty quickly as far as emotions are involved. I have deep feelings for him, and from what he says the feeling is mutual. I decided to wait a while before we had sex. He said no problem. Then a few weeks later he starts accusing me of having sex with other guys. At first I thought he was just doing it to see where my head was at. But he's being persistant. He really thinks I'm not having sex with him bc I'm doing it with someone else. Its getting annoying because I know I'm not doing anything. And I'm not going to keep trying to convince him to believe me. So after an entire weekend of arguing over the same thing I told him to make a decision. Either he wants to be with me or not. He wants to be with me, but still makes smart comments. Its getting to point where I feel like giving up and moving on. I don't see the point in being with someone who doesn't trust me. What should I do. Just so you kno the first time he accused me I tried to break up with him and he went kind of crazy. Texting and calling me non stop begging me not to leave. And asking me to marry him. How should I handle this situation?
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (9 March 2009):
 Happytochat has given some excellent advice there, this guy definately is displaying some signs of an abusive personality and I think you need to seriously think hard about the future of this relationship.
I personally believe you should end this now, for him not to trust you after only a few months and then to turn around and claim he wants to marry you is a sure sign of emotional instability.
The best way to handle this if you do leave him is to be very honest with him. Explain to him that you cannot be in a relationship with someone that doesnt trust you. Make sure he understands this is final and there is no chance of getting back together. If you have any of his things, take them with you when you go to tell him it is over. Then delete his number, email address etc so you cannot contact him in a moment of weakness. Tell him not to contact you also, although I imagine he wont stick to this.
You will need to be very strong - dont listen to any threats or claims he might make following the break up. Change your phone number if you have to - just get this guy out of your life. He is bad news - and the longer you leave it the worse it will get.
I hope this helps!
A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (9 March 2009):
This guy is abusive. So many major warning signs in such a tiny post!
It sounds to me, that he is trying to pressure you into sex- by accusing of cheating. He is basically sending the statement that, since your not having sex with me, you must be cheating. Now he knows that will make you feel bad, and you will want to prove him wrong- so the only way you can prove him wrong in HIS mind, is to have sex with him- and thats what he wants. So glad you havent fallen for this.
And now hes asking you to marry him? That is crazy. One of the major warning signs of an abuser is that they attach to the person really quickly. It is impossible for him to have the level of deepness in feelings for you to want to get married so early on. He will detatch from you, just as quick as he has attached.
Break it off with him quickly...thigns will only get worst.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2009): Emily is exactly right! This guy is controling, insecure and possessive...early signs of an abusive relationship! If he makes you feel uncomfortable, end it now before you get even more emotionally envolved!
He is trying to manipulate you into having sex with him by these accusations. He wants you to prove yourself to him. You shouldn't have sex with anyone until you are ready. You were very smart not to be intimate with him early on! I think you already feel in your gut, that this is not a healthy situation. I think you already know what you should do!
Don't fall for his begging and crying and pressure to stay with him if you have the least bit of doubt! Trust your intincts.
I have found from my own experiences that my "gut feelings" are always right on! Don't try to justify, rationlize, or in anyway discount those gut feelings!
Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (9 March 2009):
 Wow! Dont marry this guy, if he is behaving like this, it will only get worse when you are married. He obviously has trust issues [eventhough you have done nothing to destroy his trust] and sounds like he has low esteem as well. I would be wary of getting involved with this guy as he sounds like he might become too possessive and as far as the accusations,.... a bit of an emotional abuser as well!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 March 2009):
 He seems pretty insecure and a tad jealous. Had he been cheated on before or cheated himself maybe?
First of all no, I don't think you should marry someone who is acusing you of being unfaithful. That shows a HUGE lack of trust ( on his end).
Maybe take some time of from him and look back and your relationship see if that is the only thing about it that is making you uncomfortable. If it is maybe it's something you can work on.
He might not be the one for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2009): If you're going to give him an ultimatum then you really have to stick it. Otherwise he will think he can get away with anything.
You have to stick to your guns. Give him one more warning, if he doesn't stop, leave. And don't turn back. Don't give in to his mind games. This guy isn't going to get any better in the long run.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (9 March 2009):
This is why you did EXACTLY the right thing by not having sex with him....
You've now found out nice and early on that he is a nut job and now you can dump him and go on your merry way.
Any guy that acts like this will get worse with time so run like the wind now while you can.
Good Luck!! xx
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