A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm afraid I'll lose my boyfriend forever because of not making enough money. We are actually pretty much on a par in terms of earnings, but he makes a little more, but also has many more expenses. He doesn't want to care for me that way, though he still pays for me sometimes. He spends alot of time hitting his head against the wall about money, which is bad for his health and I try to get him to appreciate sheer life, but he thinks I'm being lazy!I want to be taken seriously and AM ambitious, but feel passionately about him and give my energy to him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2007): maybe he wants to get an expensive car but doesnt want u to buy one because it will make him feel masculine and ""the man in the relationship""?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2007): Thank you both! Anonymous female, your answer is VERY helpful, and CD206,
thank you for saying that money isn't connected to love, but in terms of thoughts of marriage, kids, etc., some men (&maybe women,too?) factor in
money--- personally i'm all about love over security, am nothing if not a romantic, but he's afraid we'll be poor & doesn't find that romantic.
He would love an expensive car as a metaphor for value, but doesn't want me to buy any kind of car for
myself. Contradicts his very self.
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A
female
reader, cd206  +, writes (27 February 2007):
 I'm not 100% sure I understand this problem. Money isn't connected to love so I'm not sure why a lack of money should be affecting you. If you mean with regards to not being able to pay on dates etc there are plenty of ways to date cheaply or on a shoestring Trust me, I'm a student! What about walks in the moonlight? Or making a nice dinner for him (spaghetti bolognaise is the cheapest meal in the world and when done well can taste fabulous) Then again if I have the wrong idea of your problem please feel free to message me and I'll have another shot at answering.
CD
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2007): he thinks ur lazy?? the fact that u have actually got a job and are not stinging off of benefits shows u are far from lazy!! everyone has money problems (believe me) and i can understand him worrying about things but that does not in anyway excuse him from making u feel inadequate compared to him. u are not making money to please him and if he is even considering finishing with u because ur not ""earning enough"" then maybe u should ask urself if he is someone u want to spend the rest of ur life with. ur partner is someone who is meant to emotionally and financially support u and love u no matter what. if he said he "doesnt want to care for u in that way", doesnt that maybe suggest to u that he doesnt care for u enough? if he loved u he wouldnt mind financially helping u out or treating u every now and then, and anyway, from what uve said, it doesnt sound like he helps u alot anyway and that ur earning enough urself.i dont mean to be harsh but i think u need to talk things over and re-evaluate ur relationship with him. u need someone to support u, not someone who makes u fear the relationship may end because ur not earning what he calls "enough"good luck!!
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