A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:To start off I want a completely honest answer from you guys. Don't tell me what I want to hear, but your real opinion. So, here goes: I'm a 24 year old virgin. Would you be open to dating one? Or would it freak you out? I'm not looking for reassurance, just truth. If you don't feel like reading a lot of text, stop here and just answer the above. Those who need more background info to determine if they would date someone like me, look below: (I'd really appreciate it!) So basically there are two versions of the question, the long and the short one. So you can choose! Liberating, isn't it? ;-) ---------------My background:A lot of the reason I am one has to do with insecurity issues I got from my past. I was bullied a lot during high school to the point of getting beat up and I got assaulted once when I was 16 by two guys. I ended being able to get away without getting raped, but it shook me up pretty good and made me put off dating for a long time. I carefully tried dating again at uni, but had the 'luck' of attracting guys that were taken. The first one had a gf without telling me and ended up trying to set up some FWB arrangement (which didn't work of course.) The second was married and never wore his ring. They were able to fool me for quite a while until they slipped up and made a mistake, but it made me insecure allover again. I had told them I was a virgin (but I was younger of course) and they'd tried to woo me with words that they would make my first time special and that they they really cared about me. I didn't fall for it, not because I was smart and saw through their lies, but because I was afraid of 'losing it'. Knowing that it was only my fear of getting truly involved with someone that had 'saved me' so to say, I felt pretty horrible. Since then I have tried to work on myself. - I used to feel fat so I set up a training regimen and a healthy diet and lost weight. - I used to feel ugly and covered my whole face in makeup and bleached my hair, but it only made me look flaky so I went back to my natural hair color and only use some basic makeup. - I used to be clumsy and stiff as a board, so I am training to improve my flexibility and overall agility. - I am insecure and awkward in social situations (especially pubs and clubs) so I took up a parttime job as a bartender at one. - I am bad at being able to tell when a person is sincere or not, so I try to be more observant. - I felt vulnerable in general, so I took up self defense classes. I now no longer think I'm worthless and ugly, nor do I require constant reassurance from others. But at 24, I feel like the odd one out because I still have my V card and never had a proper relationship yet. I feel that if I don't address this soon I'm going to be in the same predicament at 30. It's not just about losing the V-card. I just want to experience being with someone who actually loves me. I figured that no-one could really love me with all my baggage and hangups and I don't want to be one of those women who are a chore to be with. So I tried to improve. I still am quite naive (there isn't a prescription cure for that unfortunately ;-) ) and I have the clumsiness of a teen when it comes to kissing guys and such. Would you guys give me a shot or pass me up? Don't be afraid I'm going to break into tiny little pieces if you say no. I need to be able to deal with life without letting it club me all the time. Thank you for your time and sorry this is so long, but I need some answers!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for taking the time to answer my question! It means a lot to me.
@Cerberus: I don't have a problem with other people's sexual pasts, as long as they treat me well and are genuine, kind people. It would make me a hypocrite if I expect others to accept my past if I complain about theirs. If I would find another virgin that would be nice because we're in the same boat, but an experienced guy would also be good because he can show me the ropes, so to say. It honestly wouldn't matter to me as long as he's good to me.
I also worked on my fear of intimacy, as I know it is irrational. Now most of what's left of it has to do with inexperience. If I find the right guy I don't want to disappoint him in bed by having absolutely no clue what to do. Plus I guess I still have that irrational fear he won't like my body, which is stupid of course.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2012): it really depends on your culture.
in my culture, virgin girls are much preferred.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2012): V are rare and telling by all the things you go through to improve on certain aspects of your life is very cool.
A guys true to his heart will admire that about you.
Keep it and get someone that can value you for who you are.
Yes I would most definitely
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2012): I would but only if you were able to accept my baggage too. I've had a lot of sex partners and I'd be wary that would be problem for you being a virgin, I'd be wary it would make you insecure in terms of not being able to compete with my past or perhaps you'd judge me as not having the same morals as you and not want to be with me for those reasons.
Virginity is not a problem as long as when sex does enter the relationship that you will want sex and enjoy it.
Lack of experience means nothing as long as you're willing to keep doing it and getting to the point where you know what's what.
Being a virgin is not as important as why you are one. Fear of intimacy can be a double-edged sword. It's always smart to wait and make guys prove themselves worthy of it first but if you do get to the point of having sex with guys fear of intimacy can kill the passion. It's not nice to be intimate with a girl who is visibly uncomfortable, or who shies away from a touch. It makes you feel like you're taking something from her that she doesn't want to give and only a sick asshole would find that enjoyable.
All I can say to you OP is keep making guys prove themselves to you by taking your time to get to know them. Some guys may have an issue with it some won't, a lot will see it as a prize they want to take and nothing more so you just have to vet every guy as anyone with intelligence does anyway. As long as you can let go once you start a sexual relationship with a guy, can enjoy yourself and are eager for it. Then your virginity won't matter to the right guy and you'd be very surprized how patient the right guy will be too.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 May 2012):
 Being a virgin or not shouldn't matter. But I'm sure there are many guys who rather date a virgin then a non-virgin.
Personally, I think it comes down to personality, not the sexual status of a person.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2012): I would love to date you. I have a short sexual history (by choice) and every woman I date has a long one which makes me feel less attracted to her. I am over 30 years old.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (2 May 2012):
 would i be open to dating a virgin, 24 year old virgin?
personally i would be delighted, it would be a plus too me . it would say a lot to me, that this girl saved her virginity and did not throw it to the wind. she saved her virginity for the right guy in her life.
it says to me she has self respect, she is not giving her self away cheaply , she is looking to the future, she does not want (skeletons in her closet)regrets to look back on.
a man should be proud to be with you, you are not shallow, you would be a keeper.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2012): you are beautiful, find a friend who cares for you dearly, go slow, fall in love, hold on to that v card,,,it's valuable because not too many have one!!!!!!!
preferably find someone with a v card, but more important, he should be of true heart....
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