A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am 40 and overweight. I have a beautiful face, and a pretty bubbly personality. I look a lot younger than I am (around 30ish)-think fat kirsty ally. I left my boyfriend over a year ago, and since that time I have found a lot of twenysomething guys hit on me. Actually, only young guys hit on me. And it always ends up as only a sexual thing, like that is all they want from me. I am finding myself very attracted to these young men. I do not necessarily oppose having sex for the sake of having sex, but I very much dislike one night stands. Also it bothers me that no one has wanted a relationship with me. I understand that I am not everyone's cup of tea, but what is the deal? I would really like to have a meaningful relationship and am wondering why this has been eluding me.It is really starting to hurt my feelings. I am also wondering why all these young hot guys that work out are so attracted to someone like me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2011): I love your personality, it sounds like mine and I too have young men attracted to me and I did find the right one and he asked me to marry him. I was 45 when we got married and he just turning 30. I am now 48 and look nothing like it as a matter of fact no one can tell I am older than he, like you said I think the plumpness fills out the lines, becuase younger women which I can tell how young they are call me sweety or honey or doll and I look at my husband and say if they only knew I could be their mother :) I am very attractive thanks to mother's genes not just saying it, but I am stop and told quite a bit and my husband is just in aww over me.Anyway, take your time and try not to have sex with them so quickly until they seem to be the right one, believe me having a lot of young guys attracted to you, one is surely bound to be the one.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2011): I love your personality it sounds like mine and I too have young men attracted to me and I did find the right one and he asked me to marry him. I was 45 when we got married and he just turning 30. I am now 48 and look nothing like it as a matter of fact no one can tell I am older than he. Like you said I think the plumpness fills out the lines, because younger women which I can tell how young they are call me sweety or honey or doll and I look at my husband and say if they only knew I could be there mother :)Anyway, take your time and try not to have sex with them so quickly until they seem to be the right one. Believe me, having a lot of young guys attracted to you, one is surely bound to be the one.
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reader, Honour101  +, writes (12 September 2010):
Ohhh I love it...Im 43, single, attractive and slim. I'm quite intrigued with the first readers response as I have often pondered what is the interest in older women. Of course they want sex and I accept that but I want something out of it as well. They can have a decent conversation with us and dont have to commit to calling or texting every second day, we just let them come and go. I chat to a couple of young guys on line one has called me a few times on the phone would you believe it, but I know he still wants one thing. I am not sure if I could go through with it because I reckon his interest will drop off once he gets what he wants. Its all fun though. I have the same issue as well, how come I have these 20 something year olds oggling me and the 38-45 year olds show no interest, god no wonder I like the younger guys. I know the majority of them are happily married but come on, break out have a little fun. Am I being to harsh!!
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reader, cybergirl  +, writes (9 November 2009):
Hi all,
I hear you. However I'm NOT overweight, unless you compared me to a teenager, my bones are more developed, I look like a woman, I do in fact look younger for my age, I have a sexy sorta of Russian look or Swedish, but I am of Ukrainian decent. I wish I were a bit thinner. I am trying to figure this out too. When I was in my twenties, I met this buff good looking guy who was living in a nice house by the University we went to. He took me out a couple of times but seemed to just want sex. WE parted. But one time he invited me over I recall and some woman came home,. older woman, and she heard us together, and apparently she was hurt and crying miserably, and he mentioned that everything was under control and then I was urged to sort of leave. I felt like she was wanting that. Anyway, it occured to me, he must have been using her for her house and maybe he dated her in order to get more out of her. Another time, I was with some guy friends, they always made fun of older women, calling them "saggy baggies" or "old bag" and they didn't sound like they could ever be intereted in an older women. Later on I heard of men stating that the sex with older women was great, but...toss them after that, they were "saggy baggies" and they joked about them wearing "Depends". This was back in the 80's I don't have an answer, because I heard that some younger guys actually fall in love with cougars. Some want to be mommied, and like to borrow the sportscar or have pool parties inviting all their young friends to HER house.
Now...I have been having more positive experiences with young guys from age 19 -25 and I'm 40! I don't understand how they could like me, but looking on their facebook, they seem to be all over the map with girl "friends".
MY conclusion is, it's all about how guys like to go out and "see the world". They are not in a committment phase, they are exploring. They are horny like crazy and look past our age just to get "sexual experience". I think it's all to do with hormones.
Why guys who are older don't look at us? Becuase THOSE guys are at a marrying age and they are looking for 20 years olds, the age when women have lots of babies!
So the best bet is, go for guys around age 26-37 because they either graduated from college or university, and they are looking for committment.
Lots of guys like the "look" of younger girls, but like the emotional maturity, and they stability of older women. So sell your brand accordingly. The younger girls are annoying, and giggly and too silly for them, so that's why they like us! Plus they are more high maintenance. AND they put pressure on guys to marry quickly. Whereas we are more sly, we know how to get guys wrapped around our baby fingers. We know how to get them interested, and not loose that interest.
Surely we do! We are wiser, we are more fashionable, we are more fun because we are figuring out that we are free and exploitative, and we are skilled, and we are sexy and we know how to do that perfectly too! And we are horny, which is probably a scent the travels through the air and men pick up on it.
But I guess like anything else, men have ALWAYS tried to get us into bed, it's just that we notice it more now are more self contious, and are sick of it too.
men don't change. But they want love so don't let their sexuality hi-jack getting to know you first. The old fashionned rules still apply.
Maybe they think that because we are horny at our age, we are easier? Don't let them think that! They then think we are mysterious, exciting, and alluring, and deep and interesting first!
Sincerely,
Deborah
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2009): You know, I have the same experience as the original poster. I'm in my early 40's, very overweight, pretty face, people seem to think I look a lot younger than I am. Recently single... and almost all the men who express an interest in me, or even just really LOOK at me are in their 20's. Men my age and older don't seem to notice me.
I think it's odd. This has nothing to do with 'reputation' as I don't know any of these people - I'm just some anonymous woman in a big city.
So why is it that only men 10 - 20 years younger than I am seem interested in me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionquite alright. You didn't come off as rude, maybe a bit opinionated..... Honestly "settling" for me is kind of funny. The only way one would see being with me as settling is if their only standard was I be thin, because in every other way I am a phenomenal human being.*where I come off as arrogant* At one time in my life I made being what the general mass of men want the most important thing, and I will never make that mistake again. I have only been overweight like 5 years now, and only want to change it so I can be around to see my great grandkids. I don't need "advice" on losing weight, if so I would have asked for that.'
Grateful? Obviously if you feel you are settling, isn't it the other way around? Think about it.
I don't need a speech, or any kind of crap like that, I asked a simple question, why only young guys? Don't older guys want an easy target too? Puhlease.
And by the way being "visual" works in my favor. Believe it or not there are men that like big girls, just maybe not you. I am not asking why I am not what everyone wants, quite obviously I have a grip on reality. I have seen ugly fat people meet someone and fall in love and be happy. Hell my 64 year old dad had a girlfriend within months after his wife died, and he is not much to look at, and not rich, and not skinny and in shape. But his girlfriend is a younger asian women who is self sufficient. So, I do not feel bad about myself. This is a curiousity to me. An oddity. I was hoping for enlightenment from someone who gets it, not social conformist jargain. But hey, thanks for responding. I am sure you felt it was helpful.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2009): I got one word for you: settle. When we can't get that hot girl we've been chasing, we tend to lower our standards a little, plus, when we see overweight girls, we automatically think: easier to get in bed, and generally better in bed, because they're grateful.Now I'll turn off my guy gears and tell you in a non-rude way, lol. You probably just seem like an easy target. I don't wanna give you the whole "don't worry, someone will come along" speech that I hate so much. While there are guys that would love you for your personality, guys are still VERY visual, and the fact that most women "let go" after they've settled down in marriage, makes getting into a relationship of one who has already let go (no offense) scary to think about the long term incomes. being overwweight sends more silent (although sometimes false) signals about ur personality to men, those including (insecure, needy, lazy...etc.) My advice would be to just do your best to lose the weight, there's NOTHING bad that can come of it, trust me, I'm doing so myself. Do your research and after about a month of diet and exercise, you'll feel and look much better. I'm sorry if I come across as rude, I'm just stating what I observed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDon't worry you didn't hurt my feelings :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2009): I'm trying to figure out a way of explaining this to you without hurting your feelings any further or appearing to be offensive. So please take what I say in the spirit in which it's intended.
Ok - here's Guy #1. A woman's looks are the first thing this guy notices. He'll think 'to hell with the brains and the personality, lets get to grips with the body first'. The eyes are naturally drawn to your most prominent assets, and I'd guess in your case that would be your breasts. Big, bouncy and bulbous. The guy thinks 'I wonder what it would be like to get between those beauties? I'd love to get a face/hand full.' He'll look at your backside and wonder if when he gave it a slap he could ride the ripples. Then he'll look at your happy smiling face, take a shine to your outgoing personality and think 'yes, I could cope with that' then he'll be thinking 'I wonder what it would be like to wallow in all that flesh?' He'll already have mentally undressed you and be wondering what lies beneath the surface. The only way he's going to find out the answers is to try to get you in the sack. He might even think you'll be ever-so-grateful and an easy target for an easy lay. Worth a try. One night stands are his speciality.
Then there's Guy #2. He's nowhere near as shallow as guy #1, he prefers lots of meat on his women and is genuinely attracted to you for all the right reasons, above all, he heads for the brains and personality first.
You're not averse to sex for its own sake, so I guess you've done that a few times. The problem is that word gets out, especially if you live in a small community.
I'd suggest you hold back on the sex to get to know which category the next guy you meet is in. If he's interested in you rather than a quick lay, he'll be willing to wait until you're ready. You may be craving to rip his clothes off, but play hard to get for a little while, but not too long mind you, or he could lose interest altogether. You'll end up with a much nicer person.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwow, thanks for the honesty. I don't really expect the young men would want any more than casual, but I did hope for some kind of romance within a year from at least someone, not just scattered trysts.
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reader, StudentOfLife +, writes (7 January 2009):
 I can't speak for all of them, but I like a woman of experience, in bed, more than anything else.
I wouldn't consider a relationship with one because our thinking would be too different. I don't want to be seen as "the young boy who doesn't know anything cause he's younger than me", I want to feel like a man.
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