A
male
age
36-40,
*ylenced17
writes:Sorry if this is long, but any input will be appreciated.I am currently 22, and in all of my relationships I have always been the type of guy who was never fully committed. Even is I was taken, I would still hold sexual conversations with women via instant messengers and such. I dated this girl from when I was about 18-20. It was a long relationship, but I was never very committed, and I cheated on her numerous times. As it ended, I decided it was time for a change. Now, currently, I am with this new girl. She is great. Everything about her is ideally what I want in a girl. So, when we first started dating around 11 months ago, I decided to kick my old habits. Things were going great, but about 3 months into the relationship she told me about how she had cheated on me with her ex. Evidentaly it only occurred 3 weeks into our relationship, but it was with her ex of 2 years that always worried me. Anyways, I really care about this woman, so I decided to see past it and keep going with the relationship. Ironically, after she told me, that was about it, there was not much struggle or tension over this topic. Occasionally it bothered me, but it wasn't too often. Unfortunately, as a result, I started falling back into my older roots. I occasionaly would have intimate conversations with women again just for the pure excitement out of it. Anyways, this is where the problem occurred. My older tendencies finally caught up to me, and I had now cheated on my current girl. I can't tell you why I did it. I don't know if it was out of spite or why, but for the first time in my life, I felt guilt. I felt horrible, and I knew what to do; so I told my current girl. It was hard for both of us, because now we had both messed up once, but we are stern on making this work. I made my mistake in August, and it is now the end of January and here is where my problem comes in. It's been about 5 months now or so, and she has moved on, but for me, I have just some sort of weird feelings about everything. I truly can't figure out what is going on, but it's like an obsessive daily vibe for me. It's grown on me so much to the point in which it gives me doubts on if I even want to do this anymore. The irony of it all is that we currently never fight, our relationship is perfectly healthy now, and literally nothing is going on wrong, other than my constant obsessive daily thoughts.I've told myself that if I can get pass these vibes/feelings, I could be happy with this girl forever. The thing is though, I really can't explain or figure out what is causing me to feel this way. Some people feel it could be anxiety, some feel I'm over thinking it, and some feel I'm nuts lol. I mean realistically, everyone has doubts and worries about a relationship, I just don't understand what is going on with me that makes mine obsessive, and daily.It is such a weird predicament, because like I said, she is great, I love her greatly, and I always love being with her, but at the same time, it's almost that since I care so much is the reasoning as to why I'm bothered so much.That's the problem, here's a little background info that I find relevant though, not sure if this will help anyone that reads it.1) My desire to still contact women via messengers is still there. I still think it'd be fun, and what not. The difference now though, is that I don't want my life to be like that, and I want to get past that for us.2) We hang out a lot, and by that, I do mean a lot.3) I take a pill for my thyroid which supposedly can cause worries/sadness.4) I guess I find those all of the important factors in this. I just don't know what to do anymore, I find it totally weird. Like everything I could say about this issue is how I want it to work out, and I love her, and I want to be with her, but the weird part is how I'm in total control, it's like I'm battling myself.Anyways, sorry for the long read, and like I said, any advice is appreciated.
View related questions:
cheated on me, her ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2009): Angel you are starting to get a hart… don’t stress about it, just go with it, your heart never thought it was wrong what you did, coz its never happened to you before, you never felt what it feels like when someone you love and care for hurts you in such a way, and now you know what it feels like when someone cheats on you, and you don’t want that anymore, perhaps this girl cheating on you was a good thing, perhaps this was just what you needed, to open your eyes and make you see how a cheating partner could hurt and ruin your life, once you commit yourself to one person, play time is over, you need to love and cherish that person with all your heart, and try your best to be best man that you could possibly be. If you change your ways now and stick to it, you will be alright I promise, your heart is talking to you, perhaps what you can do is contact your ex and apologize tell her that you are sorry for cheating on her and that she does not deserve that. It might help with your thoughts (guilt). Taking responsibility for what you did has always been a step closer to quieting that little voice in the back of your head. No one deserves to be cheated on no one deserves to feel like they worth less than shit, when you go into a relationship you trust your heart in the hands of the other person, and to put so much trust in one person and having that person break that trust hurts real bad, it makes you think stupid things about life and yourself, you need to own up to what you did, perhaps tell your current girl what type of man you where and that she changed you for the better, even if things does not work out with her, don’t go back to your old ways, prove to yourself that you are a man, it takes a MAN to resist temptation, and stay committed.
Good luck
A
male
reader, sylenced17 +, writes (26 January 2009):
sylenced17 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI let the site title this heading, and perhaps I shouldn't have.I don't want to cheat, and I'm not going to. My biggest concern is just the obsessive vibe/weird feelings I've had going on for some months now. They've just been here for awhile, I don't know what's causing it, but it's starting to give me doubts, when in the end, I want to be with her.Perhaps an accurate title should be: "Battling myself; my thoughts vs. an obsessive vibe".
...............................
A
female
reader, 48years  +, writes (26 January 2009):
 Cheating is never really as fun as you imagine it to be. It's the fantasy that really excites people.
Sounds like you're growing up a bit.
...............................
A
male
reader, Leo Gallagher +, writes (26 January 2009):
It sounds like you are overcomplicating an extremely simple issue.If you love the girl you are with, do not cheat on her in any way, shape or form. Period.
...............................
|
