A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a bad unsuccessful marriage, have a 1 y.o. son. I know that a single co-worker has a big crush on me. I'm attracted to him as well. Should I give it a try? I don't even think he knows I'm married. My marriage is a total joke, we don't even wear wedding rings. Would you give it a chance or would you continue trying to ignore it?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): Either fix, or end, the marriage first.
Take care of home business before you get involved with new business, so to speak.
Otherwise the price to be paid is heavy and long.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): I should have mentioned that I would be honest with my husband and would not engage in a secret affair. If something happened my husband would be the first one to find out. We speak about separation at least once a week but stay together because of the child.
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A
female
reader, CheatedandLiedto  +, writes (2 December 2010):
If after thinking long and hard about your marriage you realise, you no longer want to be in it, then end it. Have enough respect for your self and your child and do the right thing. After that, pursue another relationship whether with this co worker or not. Values are passed on to our children, whether it is about love, commitment or fidelity...You are responsible for your child. Do the right thing for him if not for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): Huh? Need more info on this one. How long have you been married? How long had you been together with your husband before you married? How long ago did the problems in your marriage start? What are the issues in your marriage? I can tell you that, generally, starting something with a co-worker, particularly where one is married and one is single, is just a disaster in the making. Whatever the background to your marriage, do the right thing and either straighten out your marriage (and lose the flame at work), or end your marriage before starting something with someone else. Even if you end your marriage, think long and hard about getting involved with someone at work.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): The last thing you want to do is to rush into another relationship ... and potentially make the same mistakes all over again. Figure out why you married someone so wrong for you, why you had a child with him and WHY you are looking for a quick replacement. Maybe you need some time to figure out who you are and what you want in your future... before you go and get involved with someone you don't know... especially while you are still married.
The thing is... that you cannot rely upon a relationship partner to create a destiny for you... You need to figure out your own life and what you want it to include... and THEN and only then... choose a mate who shares the same goals and objectives as you do.
Now that you are a mother, you cannot invest in just anyone... you must invest wisely... This child's mother.. you... needs a mother who has her stuff together and is able to raise them... not a mother trying to grow up at the same time the child is.
You can be attracted to many people... and even love some.. but that isn't enough. There must be a shared idea of a future, shared value system, morals, and a shared love for the child. Once you became a mother... you became someone's mother... the child needs a mother... so a mother you must be.
Flings and the confusion they create... doesn't help your child one bit. Focus on being the best mother you could ever possibly be... and more... Put finding a replacement adventure on the back burner for now... Figure your heart and head out... and find stability. Stability isn't living on the edge... isn't always so exciting... but it is safety for you and your child.
And... at the end of the day... that is what really matters.
Be kind to yourself.
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A
male
reader, Universe Man  +, writes (2 December 2010):
I would give it a chance, but I would consider it my responsibility to be up-front with my spouse, even if the marriage is a joke. If you want to move on, he deserves to be clear about that.
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