A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am sick of being the good girl. We do finish last.26 years is quite enough of believing fairytales, giving your all in love only to get burned, cheated and dissapointed... And watch how other women, who only think about what they want get away with whatever?So let me in... How do you do it? I need flirting tips, paradigm shifts and ways to deaden my conscience...Speak to me bad girls, I wanna join the club... Look at me, I'm Sandra Dee, and I'm ready to pull out the leather cat suit and pull a finale.Guys, you too... What turns you on, what makes you melt and why is it a sweet girl next door who gives you everything is still not enough?
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (28 July 2012):
 OP, is this you as well?http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-are-your-best-tips-to-help-me.html
A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (28 July 2012):
You're obviously hurt and angry and maybe you need to lash out a little. It might be better to do that in a journal than at actual people.People who give everything are not a challenge. They are not interesting and they have an agenda. Instead of being direct about what they want they use bribery and guilt to manipulate others. 'I do everyting for you so you owe me' is really what it's about. This applies to friends and lovers, men and women alike. No one wants to be treated badly. Forget about trying to be a bad girl. They're not challenging or interesting either and they are just as easy to manipulate.Learn to be more direct about what you want and don't want. Learn to set reasonable boundaries for yourself. Learn to balance your wants and needs with the wants and needs of others. Nurture a healthy sense of self and your own identity. You will be happier and far more interesting if you do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks to the anonymous poster. Guess I won't be responding to the guy who has mistaken DearCupid for Facebook, other than to say, like it or not, more men are unfaithful than women.To answer the question, what I really want to know is, how do they do it? Practical answers. Because, perhaps its because it was all I had looking for, but all I ever elicited from men was friendship. (other than my four boyfriends) and even then, two of those were pretty serious relationships. So this whole "playing the field" thing... How does that work? How and why do people do it? How and why are they okay with it? Why does it feel like I am the only one who doesnt see the point in getting physically intimate if you're not emotionally intimate? Explain the reasoning to me.In a nutshel : tell me how I can do it, and look at myself in the mirror again, without feeling like a slut. Because it feels like everyone around me gets away with it.I am especially bothered that a mutual friend who happened to ....k my husband before our nuptuals manages to live a happily ever after while the cloudd of what they did hangs over mine.I am just tired of caring, and always trying to make a relationship meaningful. I want to do some .......g of my own... Does that make sense? And if the "right guy" doesn't come along, so be it. I am sick and tired of these "right guy" types. I can get a cat.But you are right. Maybe I should just give it a bit, and not change who I am. I guess I let my guard down, after the wedding, thats all. I thought the being so sorely disapointed by your love was over...So that's who I want to be now: Sam from Sex and the City, or Eva Longoria from Desparate Housewives, you know? I want to ....k, (and forget ;) ) random people and give up my stupid naive little girly notion of "making love" and "two bodies and souls connecting" its all Jerry Macguire bullshit, isn't it? I wanna burn all my damn Jane Austens.please excuse me, I have some divorce papers to pick up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2012): You are hurt, I get that. My advice to you...don't change who you are as a person. You are dealing with men in an age bracket that are still not grown up yet or understand what being in a committed relationship really means or are ready to actually settle down with one person. ....depending on where you are in your life and your maturity, you might want to consider seeking out slightly older men who are starting to "get it " . A "bad girl " is only a "right now " girl...not someone a guy will ever take completely seriously or home to meet Mom. These are women with little self-respect or limited morals or values. Just date and have some fun...be safe and don't ever compromise your self-respect ....you don't have to be in a relationship right now.. do all the things you want to do ,start or advance a career, travel....whatever ...when the right guy comes along, you will know it. Hang in there ....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know at least 2 women who are happily married for years, on relationships which have their roots in adultery.I also would like to know why guys think its okay to do the ^^^^ng and forgetting WHILE they are with some one else. Its happened a few times that I got into a serious relationship, and only after a few years did the story come out that stuff had happened back when, in his mind, we werent serious. Stuff that, had I known would have been a deal breaker. And yes, I am perfectly happy being on my own, but I don't want to live a-sexually for the rest of my life. On the other hand, I do nothing by half measures so if I love I give all that I have got, and all I want is the same in return, all or nothing...If that makes me full of crap so be it. I didn't really post that to be insulted.Or to be told I generalise by some1 who generalised in the very next sentence."good girls don't give as much as they think" Thanks for nothing, Warrior.And Iamheretohelp, I get it. I just don't see why I need to be cheated and duped before I end up being the prima - notch on some1's belt. The big notch. I dont get why he gets to sow his wild oats, and live a guys dream, and gets to live the dream of happily ever after, when I wake up one morning to find myself married to a man who, had I known his history and what he did before the wedding... Well there would never have beem one to speak of. The same man I had treated with respect and dignity since the day I met him.I am sorry, I am naive, (sp?) I am stupid, but I am also dissapointed, disillisioned confused and deeply hurt.And yes, I may be dramatic- but my feelings are very real.And I dont know any way to make this situation fair. I never dreamed of being a divorcee, but how do I manage to love someone everyday whom I know has given me so much less than I deserve? And how do I stop loving him?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2012): Also, just to add to my previous answer, the sweet girls have a good intent in not wanting to spook the guy out by practically not touching him very much. However, there's a fine line between just not being confident enough to make a physical move and having the confidence and daringness to actually make a physical, flirting move on him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2012): In my opinion, it seems that the girls that have the actual guts to go and invade a guy's personal space and be daring enough to touch him in some intimate areas, such as even the chest, it shows confidence, and a very high potential for a mate.
However, that's just my 2 cents.
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