A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:all i have ever come across is players and bad boys that only want me for sex and never treat me right. Recently i started dating a guy and i was genuinely shocked! He wines and dines me, wants to meet up to go out during the day (not just texting me at night like all the other boys i know!) he is a total gentleman! He opens doors for me and everything. He is so decent and i love this about him. But there is one problem, i just don't find him atttractive! I want to.. as he is so different from the other guys i have 'seen'. But i just am not! i think im just attracted to badboys who are sexually forward.Do you think i might grow to love him? and begin to really fancy him? or should i just breakit off?
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male
reader, ciaociao  +, writes (26 May 2009):
I concur to the other readers that it sounds like you should give this a go and what not. Sure. But there's something no one has stressed that I feel is very important. If he is spending money on you, wining and dining you, and doing all these things, chances are he REALLY likes you. And he will naturally assume if you keep going out with him that this interest is MUTUAL -- because he would assume an empathetic and caring girl would _not_ string him on like that, and would certainly let them know that they are not so interested if that was so (as in this case). It would absolutely kill him if you draw this out, keep showing an _apparent_ interest, and then just dump him all of a sudden because you decide you're _still_ not interested. Please, please, I beg you: don't ever do that to such a decent guy like this. Anyway, I hope things work out for you in the long run and you find someone who has these qualities that you are also attracted to. I hope I didn't sound too harsh, I've just been burnt before: I am someone like your guy who will take girls out on dates respectfully, and I've been very appreciative of girls who will speak up before letting anything go on and on (this is respectful, and most girls will know this), and very UNappreciative of an immature/stupid/user girl or two that just enjoyed the wining and dining with no respect or understanding of what they were really doing: draining me... in more ways than one.
A
male
reader, tux  +, writes (23 May 2009):
 Good thing I'm married now to a wonderful woman, otherwise this question will make me depressed because that's all I have seen during my dating life.. Hearing girls saying how much they hated their boyfriends because they werent treating them right and yet they stick with them, or find another bad boy who doesn't treat them right and start the complaining cycle over again.
But you need to figure out why you are not attracted to him.. is it because he's not like the other guys you were attracted to. If that's the case, then you are on the right track and should give him a chance... Just remember that the good boys do like sex as well, they just don't feel they need to force it on you and base the whole relationship on it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2009): Do what 90% of girls in the modern Western-capitalist-media-saturated world do, and go for the bad boy while protesting that you would prefer a nice guy in theory but not in your bed. Unless, of course, you actually ARE more attracted to the nice guy, despite his committing such sins against masculinity as 'being decent', opening doors for you, wining and dining you, wanting to enjoy your company during the day and suchlike.
Not entirely sure why you started dating this guy if you 'don't find him attractive'. You also seem stunned that he hasn't 'come on' to you in a blatantly sexual manner, and puzzled by the fact that he's being a total gentleman.
We here can't possibly answer the question 'do you think I might grow to love him and begin to fancy him?'
But you can. If you don't fancy him, no future there, at least until you've shagged your way through all the shallow-but-sexy guys and decide 10 years down the line you're ready to settle for a proper, non-whorish man because it suits you.
If you realise you do fancy him but find him not being 'sexually forward' off-putting, try being sexually forward with HIM, since most nice guys are inherently uninclined to be 'sexually forward' with women out of a combination of respect, good manners and a suspicion - right or wrong - that we're wasting time that they'd prefer to spend having mind-blowing sex with the 'bad boys'.
As a result, 'nice guys' can come across as maybe sexually uninterested to girls who are used to players groping them on the dancefloor, but it certainly doesn't mean they're not into it. This guy may well be VERY into you but won't believe he has a chance until you make it obvious that he does. If he doesn't, then stop stringing him along.
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A
female
reader, girl_charm  +, writes (23 May 2009):
Give it time.
I have had the bad boys, who I still remember fondly (at times) but mostly, they have damaged me mentally. You do that though, reminisce and remember what you want to, normally just the good.
It really depends on what you are looking for at this moment in your life...
the bad boy will give you excitement, unpredictability, extreme lows and extreme highs...great fun...but will it last? not likely!
the nice guy will give you kindness, love, stability...but if you're not ready for this it can also be seen as boring.
Most of my boyfriends I have never been physically attracted to at first, but through time I learnt to love how they made me feel, and through that, each time I looked at them all I could see was the most handsome guy ever
Love is much more powerful than lust
Looks can fade but the inner beauty will always shine through
Not sure if this helps or I've just rattled on a bit but wishing you the best
xx
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (23 May 2009):
 You choose. A bad boy who is sexually forward, or this guy who wines and dines you.
Me, I will take this hint and never open doors for girls, wine or dine them, et cetera. This surely is the way to go.
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A
male
reader, Krathor18 +, writes (23 May 2009):
 This boy clearly is the right man for you, take your time to get to know him and understand him, and you might learn to love him, give things time, you don't want a boy who will "shag n bag" because they can mess your head up pretty good, if you like bad boys, then try talking with this boy saying that you dont mind him being sexually forward (if this is what you want of course) and give things time, he clearly likes you for who you are, so try and give things a chance, and these bad lads, take my advice and ignore them, they have "i will shag and leave you" written all over their faces, if however, things dont get better and you dont find him attractive, tell him gently, and tell him you woul love to stay friends with him, but that he isnt your type, of course you love the wining and dining, so just wait to find the right lad who wines and dines you, but also looks atractive aswell, and most importantly which i can't stress enough GIVE THINGS TIME!! and Stay away from bad lads!! lol, you will be ok hun, i wish you all the best,
Charlie.x.
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