A
female
age
30-35,
*m_a_dummy
writes:alright, so. i know i posted a question before about the baby daddy and my boyfriend issues, but incase you didnt read that one here is my position:i had a boyfriend (cris) -- not real namei got pregnant (now 7 months)when my bf found out about the baby he was fine until about month 5 then left me, but wants a part in the bbyz life, not minei was heartbroken and my best friend since kindergarden (donny) asked me out, i didnt know if that was fair to donny to drag him into it, that was my previous ? but i did let him in, and we are really happy and he is an amazing guy!!!!!!! the only problem is, i WANT to be with him soooo badly!!!!! and he proposed to me. i told him i would think about it because i wasnt sure, and he accepted that answer, i dont want to break up with him, but i dont think i can handle the stress of a baby on the way and a husband and wedding planning. i am just afraid if i tell him, he will leave me like chase did... or think that i want to go back to cristhe names aren't real, just a way to keep track of who i am talking about
View related questions:
best friend, heartbroken, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (12 January 2009):
 Well at least legally you have a choice but personally I think that given your hormones are all over the place, you need to give yourself time and have your baby first, it is up to you whose surname you put on the birth certificate.
In the UK if you want to the baby can have the mother's name and then if you marry afterwards you then have the choice of changing it to the father's name or (perhaps your bf's name). How the law stands re the real father's rights in the US, that bit I am sketchy about.
Perhaps Dennis thinks that by marrying you before the baby is born then both yourself and the baby could take his surname and leave Chase out in the cold? Have you talked to him about this, he may be just trying to safeguard you and the baby right now and that could be why he is pushing for marriage prior to you having the baby.
If however, that is not the case i.e. baby's daddy's rights etc, then perhaps you could wait until you have your baby.
I think making sure you know your rights in this situation is the best option. Have you looked into it?
Your mum sounds extremely agreeable to do whatever you want to do? Is she very laid back in her ways?
Keep me posted OK, you can always message me direct at any time OK.
BFN
Country Woman
x
A
female
reader, im_a_dummy +, writes (12 January 2009):
im_a_dummy is verified as being by the original poster of the question hey, thanks.. umm chase is 17 (bby daddy) and dennis is 16. ummm here the law is i think, if both of you are at least 16 and pregnant you can get married without parent consent, otherwise you both have to ber 15 with parent consent, so either one works for me my mom said what ever i feel i want to do.
...............................
A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (11 January 2009):
Hi thanks for coming back to us on the whole situation right now, you didn't mention how old Donny or Cris are right now and OK rhythmandblues2 does have some very valid points that I hadn't raised at all.
I am not up on the age of consent and marriage rules in the US so that is also something you need to think about but it is not a priority right now, reassuring Donny of your feelings I think is what is needed right now and you feeling safe and secure. You are being a very brave right now at your age to go through with the whole pregnancy and the fact that you are going to keep your baby (a boy I gather), congratulations to you for that.
Your mum is being a very strong support to you right now and the fact that she knows this baby is yours and she is just doing what comes naturally by caring for you and her grandchild in order that you can continue with your education. It wouldn't be right for your child to think of her as it's mother and not you.
When you decided to keep your baby you made a committment and yes all the activities you used to do are no longer an option at the moment, however, if won't remain like that for ever as your child will grow and there are always options like pre-school in this country and I am guessing it is called Kindergarden in the States.
Your time will not be your own after the baby is born but it also has a whole load of joy as well so don't always see the negatives in all of this, if you feel overwhelmed by the whole situation then you should continue to talk to everyone, your mum, Donny etc.
Just get plenty of rest right now and you can't continue to worry yourself sick about losing Donny because it won't do you any good at all and the baby as well. Avoid the stress and tell him that is what you need to do right now - you are not rejecting him your just saying NOT NOW, maybe later on - that's all.
Keep us posted OK.
BFN
Country Woman
x
...............................
A
female
reader, im_a_dummy +, writes (10 January 2009):
im_a_dummy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you country women, umm as far as rhythmandblues2: no my mom isnt going to financailly help me, while i am in school she will watch him, but as soon as im out he is mine, so like my extra activites like guitar and karatee that i do i have to quit which is worth it, but i am 15, by the time the bby is here i will be 16, and thank you all for your help, idk i just i dont want him to leave me... i really like him and idk. i dont think i can take that right now
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2009): Are you really 13 to 15? What state do you live in? I think that you are not of legal age to marry. Also, if you are all in your teens without an education or any skills with no way to financially support yourselves, then marriage is out of the question for sure.
You don't say, but I guess your parents are planning on supporting you and the baby once it gets here? Have you ever considered that you might give the baby up for adoption so that your unborn child would have a better chance for a bright future with parents who are ready for a baby, financially stable and have more to offer the baby in way of future education? I know you would find that a very difficult decision to make, however, I hope you will at least consider it. You are very very young and I hate to see kids raising kids, it is not a good situation for all....as you are a baby, too and have a lot of life ahead of you. Being saddled with a baby will put an end to your teen years and you are not going to be emotionally ready or have the maturity to raise a child with a new marriage with an immature guy....really it is a recipe for failure.
You may really really want to be with Donny, but you really really have no insight or forsight into how hard marriage is especially with the added stress of an infant on a brand new marriage....and what are you going to live on? Do you plan to let the welfare system take care of you? I hope not as you will still not have enough to support yourselves.
I wish you the best of luck and I hope you will think hard and long about the consequences keeping this child and marrying so young will bring to your life....consider adoption, there are many loving couples who can't have children and would love to adopt your child and raise it as their own.
...............................
A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (10 January 2009):
Personally sweetheart I think you need to explain that all of your hormones are raging right now and you need time to get your head round everything.
Your biggest concern right now is the baby growing instead your womb and I think if you explain this to Donny then he may just understand. Tell him how much you feel for him but it is all getting you stressed right now and the last thing you want is to be stressed as that transmits to the baby.
He is being a wonderful guy in as much as he wants to care for you and the baby and perhaps you need to ask him if it is the fact that the baby has his surname after it is born that is concerning him most.
Have you talked to your parents about all of this as I think you need to consult with someone else about what is going on with you right now. You need to have some adult input here.
How old is Donny and Cris btw?
I think the issue that Cris still wants to be involved in the baby's life after it is born is what you are going to find quite trying as Donny is obviously trying to protect you and wants to be the daddy even though he is not if you know what I mean. I am guessing that Cris is DEFINITELY the biological daddy then?
Reassure Donny that you only have feelings for him and that after the baby is born you can see more clearly about everything and right now you cannot imagine yourself in a wedding dress as you don't feel like yourself right now and once you regain your figure it would be the time that you can think about marriage.
Tell Donny your fears about him leaving you as you have already been left high and dry by Cris and you just want some continuity in your life right now.
Keep us posted eh!
Take care and you and your baby and try to reduce the amount of stress you are going through right now. Let others around you help with day to day things and no heavy carrying or stretching. Rest plenty now as you will be most definitely kept on your toes once the baby arrives. Tap into any financial help the government can offer you and also any help that your school will give you as well.
BFN
Country Woman
x
...............................
|
