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writes: My boyfriend of 2 yrs WILL NOT perform oral sex on me. He use to do it to his past girlfriends, especially this one girl who he had been going back and forth with for like 6 years.He even had an old poem on a blog site about how he wished he could taste her again. After he and her broke up, he continued to perform oral sex on other girls that he dated.Me and my boyfriend were virgins at the time and lost it to each other. At first when we started dating, he sort of did oral sex on me, but not even for a minute.Eventually he stopped and gave me the excuse that he didnt like doing it anymore and that he didnt "believe" in it. Eventually, he told me that the real reason is because he didnt like my strong "acidic" odor.I even tried telling him that I would do what I could to smell better so that he could try again.He said no and that he felt like I was forcing him to do it. But mind you, he expects me to give him oral sex because he has a problem keeping an erection without it.So I'm not even sure what to do. Im frustrated because I've never really had oral sex before and I want to experience it but he just wont do it. But im not sure if this is serious enough for me to consider leaving him over it.What do I do? Sex doesnt really last that long and Ive never orgasmed from it. So a part of me thinks, if sex isnt even that great, why cant you do what it takes to make me feel better?Thanks for any advice :]
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broke up, erection, his ex, oral sex, orgasm Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2011): I have s heightened sense of smell to start. So a mans body odour is a huge part of my dating process. It is for most women/men mind you. Just like kissing is a means to taste, feel, smell anothers body make up as well as the chemistry/ph balance that imprints on us as desirable or undesirable.So to a degree, I understand that whole, a bit strong scent.However, when I am strongly attracted to someone, that is such a minor issue. Most men get a stronger sperm scent with arousal as well. Also not too many men shave or even clean the under carriage before sex thus making oral sex a turn off for some women. So it can be such a contetious subject that often reveals a double standard.When it has come to such an issue for me in past relationship- I all together actually fall out of love and attraction for said man and terminate the relationship.If I am not sexy to you in such an intimate way; what are we doing wasting one anothers time?I do not give oral to a man if he is unwilling to reciprocate. So the relationship terminates fast.Its a trust issue that effects the intimacy and bond of the sensual/sexual aspect of a relationship.I'm normally a very oral based woman and if I have been hurt in the relationship, I no longer have a desire to give oral and if that happens to me; then something is not right and needs fixing or else its to the curb time.In ways, how we love, who we love, how we trust, who we trust eventually makes its way to the sexual intimacy of a relationship and it can become something that is no longer pleasurable but a chore. Its just how it goes. If anyone says otherwise; then they don't really know too much now do they?Something is up with your man. He is either selfish or really finds your odour not pleasant but then, he shouldn't be dating you if its that big of an issue for him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2011): My boyfriend J refuses to go down on me either. He says I taste too "salty". But he loved to do it to all his previous girlfriends, now he claims to not like it anymore which I think is a bunch of bull. Yet, he still expects to get oral from me on a daily basis.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@miamine: I shave actually. I don't know what it is that's causing me to have such a strong odor..
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (20 November 2011):
 Ok, my cousin has a strong smell too. Have you considered shaving?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ "Miamine"
Hey there :] I use to kiss him, but after a while i couldnt do it anymore because smoking ruined his breath so it's always smells stale :/ I asked him to try and get it fixed before we can makeout again. That's kind of the reason why im trying not to be so upset about the whole oral thing. He did say a couple days ago that if i go to the doctor and see if there's anything wrong then he doesnt have a problem giving me oral..we'll see
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male
reader, notnow +, writes (19 November 2011):
you could try using sweet lube which changes taste/smell too
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male
reader, notnow +, writes (18 November 2011):
I'd say don't give him what he's not willing to give you. He should be able to maintain an erection without oral. I love giving oral and almost find it more pleasurable to give than to recieve
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (18 November 2011):
He has smokers breath - Do you kiss him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey "chigirl" :]
I'm guessing maybe he gave oral to his ex Lina as well as other girls because he wasn't trying to sleep with them. [He use to be Christian so he wanted to wait until he was married at the time]
I dont mean to try and compare myself to them...but it's so hard not to. It's like, he use to give oral to other girls, so whats so bad about me?
I do understand that if a smell doesnt appeal to someone that they will want to stay away from it...in a way i kind of do the same thing when it comes to kissing him. He use to smoke so he has smoker's breath still..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2011): My honest advice is to move on. I've heard people say that sex isn't important in a relationship~baloney!Like another poster said, get checked out to make sure there is nothing medically wrong, keep yourself clean and eat a good diet.( lots of fruit; makes it taste sweeter) Other than that, there is nothing to be done for your natural smell.Also, (no hurt feelings intended here) if he's lukewarm about sex with you he's not all that into you. Find yourself a man who is going to love EVERYTHING about you.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (17 November 2011):
 Don't feel insecure about it. So what if you have a strong odor and that really is the reason for why he doesn't go down on you. That's you. Thats facts. Thats how it is. Being insecure about it wont make it smell any different, or make the sex any better. I know it is hard to be secure and comfortable out of nowhere, but look at this logically: having a strong odor wont make you less lovable. He treats you great otherwise. But he has a nose. And he finds it uncomfortable, not because he doesn't love you, but because of the factual things. Would you lick his anus right after he pooped, just because you love him and his natural smells should be accepted? No, you wouldn't. But people smelling weird, or unappealing, doesn't mean you can't love them or show them you care in other ways than these exact ways. You don't have to lick his anus, and he doesn't have to give you oral. You don't have to give him oral either if you think he smells too bad. But, there are so many ways to work around this. Wash with water right away before sex. Change your diet. Wear different type of underwear that allows your skin to breathe. Or having him use his hands instead of his tongue.. So he went down on his ex. You shouldn't have ever had to hear about that, or read that poem. I don't know how you came across it, but it was tactless of him to allow you to see it. No one wants to hear such things. But they happen. People frequently treat their exes different from their new partner, either because they have changed themselves, or because the new partner IS different from the ex (not better or worse, just different), or because they have learned things about themselves and relationships and want to do things differently in this new relationship with the purpose of making it a better one.The woman is an ex for a reason, obviously her smells down there weren't so amazing he wanted to stick with her because of it. There are other factors in a relationship you need to think of, you need to look at the big picture. But, that said, he needs to work on pleasing you in bed and making you feel good, and you need to work at it together. Just give it time, it can take time to change a routine. He probably was just as inattentive with his ex'es, if that makes you feel better. Where do you think he learned that he doesn't need to do much? Just because he gave an ex oral sex doesn't mean he also did other things in the bedroom, he was probably just as clueless as he currently is. It's up to you to teach him how YOU want to be treated in bed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys :) Um, it's like, he's a good guy aside from all this. He buys me what I want and need, picks me up from work, he loves me a lot..he does what he can to please me, just not sexually :( It just sucks how he can do it for other girls, he can write a poem about his ex talking about how she tasted and all that stuff...but then when it comes to me, I don't get the same treatment.
I told him that since he's being this way for no good reason and not doing what he can to please me sexually, that I'm no longer going down on him. He's a Taurus AND a germiphobe, and I'm told that him being a germiphobe will stop any oral sex from happening.
Sigh..am I making too big a deal about this?
Someone else that I dated before him told me that I had a strong odor too. And they also hardly went down on me...it makes me feel insecure :(
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (17 November 2011):
I'm a black woman, and I'm sensitive about such things.. if any man says anything about my smell... I will dump him.. I don't care how nice he is...
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 November 2011):
 I have no idea how black girls smell down there , but I am inclined to think it's just an urban legend- like redheads smell stronger and stuff like that.
More probably, though, you could have an asymptomatic fungal or bacterial infection - no strange secretions or itching, but a weird smell. It happens. Or , you could have done something that altered your vaginal PH , like, using TOO MUCH soap, or assuming too much sugar , yeasts and milk in your diet.
I'd say, go to see your OB/GYN. If he says absolutely nothing is wrong ... ditch the bf and find another one who appreciates you exactly as you are, natural smell and all.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (17 November 2011):
When it comes to smell. After a while of you and him having been intimate you will start to smell the same down there. It's something that happens naturally after a while.
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male
reader, RAINORFIRE  +, writes (17 November 2011):
 In my experience many females spend all their time in the shower washing their hair. I think some women are just really uncomfortable touching them selves i cant even count the times a female has told me she doesnt masterbate or has never did it or tried it but didn't like it im a skeptic but it seems to me women aren't as intune with their bodies as they should be. Some women do seem to have stronger odors then others and are more acidic. but i dont think race plays a part. i think it comes down to diet. i spent some time below the border in mexico the women where all beautiful bronzed by a Latin Sun. But they put chili powder on everything, lets just say my finger was burning literally and it wasn't from sticking it in a bottle of tequila. As far as giving a female oral not something i would do either i only put things that taste good and smell good in my mouth, If it smells bad and burns it will be Listerine or alcohol. But your BF has been munching carpets for some time now and even wrote a poem, so hes an idiot for not doing it knowing how bad you want it. I think you should call it quits your obviously not compatible with this guy. And you know it find a man that can and is willing to please you.
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female
reader, missy23 +, writes (17 November 2011):
Move on! Take it from someone who is married and has a whole lot more experience. Sex is a very important connection between two people in a committed relationship, even if it is just boyfriend/girlfriend you are still committed to do girlfriend/boyfriend duties. My husband stopped giving me oral sex after four years. He says that it is cause he wants it completely shaven. Well after going months straight being bald, and now having ingrown hairs because of it, i have reached my boiling point. Take from someone like me, if you know that he doesnt want to do it, when he does its just going to be akward, uncomfortable, the furthest thing from sexual, it almost feels like forced rape. Move on, and truly enjoy yourself with someone else. Thats what I am doing, While he gets fatter and waits at home playing video games. I will be in school picking up better grades and new adventures.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust to give you guys a better visual, I'm black and my boyfriend is Asian. He's fooled around with black girls before, but he never went out with one or went down on one. It's said that black girls have a stronger odor than other girls..so maybe he isn't use to our smell. I'm not sure. I guess the reason why I'm making such a big deal about oral sex is because sex itself isn't that great. I try to do what I can to make him feel good, but he doesn't seem to do the same for me. Idk, maybe he's trying, but not so much. Sigh, I don't wanna keep putting him down so much, because he is a good boyfriend for the most part, just when it comes to sex, he doesn't wanna do much :/
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (16 November 2011):
Well... it isn't the end of the world. Yes, it is frustrating, but give it some time and he might change his mind about trying it out on you at least once. But for now don't pressure the matter as he will just feel more "cornered" and "trapped" by it, which will make him more hesitant to do it. There are other things he can do. Remember that sex is for the both of you to enjoy, and it is much more enjoyable for the both of you if you know your partner is enjoying themselves. I've had boyfriend go down on me only to complain and whine about how "long" I take and sore necks and hairs and what not, and it only makes me feel uncomfortable and nervous. So it isn't a good thing unless you know 100% your partner absolutely loves doing it.
Instead he can work on his finger skills, and touching you, and stimulating your clitoris with his fingers. Trust me, when a man knows what he is doing with his hands it can be just as great, or better, than oral sex. As long as you get there, reach an orgasm, then it doesn't make much of a difference because it will still be intense and special.
Focus on the other parts of your sex life and make them better, instead of focusing on the one thing he doesn't want. Like practice lasting longer, different positions that makes him last longer, or makes you feel him better etc.
Give him oral because you enjoy it, not because it is expected. Make sure things aren't expected in your relationship, sex is about giving, not receiving.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2011): he doesn't believe in it!?!? what the hell is that suppose to mean??? oral sex isn't a religion or political view. he should def be eating you out, especially if you guys are sexually active (and by that i mean having intercourse)and you're going down on him...its only fair. you should tell him that you never experienced oral sex and that you haven't been able to orgasm, tell him(in the nicest way possible)that he's not pleasuring you the way you want to be pleasured, that will send off a red flag, guys want to pleasure you, if he complains that he doesn't like the taste or smell take a shower together wash each other and take turns going down on each other while in the shower so he knows you're clean. if he still doesn't do it you may want to consider breaking up with him, a guy who really cares about you is going to want to pleasure you. plus he did it with other girls and now he doesn't "believe in it" bullshit. try it out if that doesn't work, dump his ass. they're are plenty of guys out there who will.
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