A
female
age
36-40,
*zrlinz
writes:I feel so lost. I'm not sure if I'm happy or if I'm deluding myself from what the truth really is. Well, here we go.I have been dating my boyfriend for nearly three years. We live together, spend a lot of time together, and don't have too many fights. We get along, are quite compatible, and I do believe that I love him and want to marry him in the future.But, its not all sunshine and flowers. He has faults, and so do I. I'll start with him. He cheated on me 2 years ago, just a kiss when he was drunk. I have always had trust issues with him. The major reason is that in high school, way before I knew him, he was one of those guys who had a whole bunch of friends that are girls. Like the guy who has the crew of girls. So, for as long as I have known him, he has had many girls as friends. And yes, because of trust issues, I do get jealous. Heres the problem I'm facing now. He has met a new girl through a friend at work, and now he wants to hang out with her, and watch a movie with her or something. Here's where I come in. The reason I know this is because I snooped through his text messages. I have done it many, many tiems before. And every time I do it, I promise myself I will never do it again. But I do! I usually don't find anything incriminating...but I feel so guilty. I confronted him about it, why he wants to watch a movie with her, and told him that I think he likes her, and he said no, I'm wrong. There is nothing going on, I just enjoy meeting new people and getting to know them. And because I know my boyfriend very well, I do believe him. He is that kind of guy who just enjoys meeting new people. We had a fight a few weeks ago, and we both agreed that we would start spending time with our friends because we do spend a lot of time together so we wanted to branch out so that we don't fight as much. I have hung out with a bunch of my friends...and I guess because a lot of his friends are girls...thats who his friends are. But watching a movie? Isn't that something someone who's dating does? I mean....I'm not completely innocent in the matter either...I have actually hung out with an ex boyfriend and watched a movie with him once one afternoon...and nothing happened, he just invited me and I had nothing to do so I said yes. I mean...my boyfriend trusts me to the most absolute degree. He doesn't snoop my phone, doesn't freak out if I don't come home on time, if I go out with friends he doesn't freak out, or call me incessantly to see what I'm doing...he completely trusts me. We were out at a bar once and one guy asked me to dance, and he said go! Have fun! He wasn't pissed at all. And isn't a sign of cheating that he starts accusing me of cheating?? He has never, ever accused me of cheating. I want to give him the same courtesy, but its hard. I mean...I want to be laid back and let him hang out with who he chooses, and not a crazy girlfriend trying to control his life..but I can't let go of my jealousy, my anxiety about him cheating again with this new friend, and my snooping ways. I do love my boyfriend. We have many differences, but we do love each other. We have come through a lot in our relationship, I'm not ready to let go, but I'm not sure I can keep feeling like this. I appreciate any answers. Thank you!
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