A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:im so confused and dont know what to do...my boyfriend is still friends with his ex and this is killing me and affecting our relationship.i started dateing my boyfriend 6 months ago, and its the first serious relationship iv had. when we started dating i didnt mind as i thought it was just a phase he was going through. but then things got worse... she constantly contacts him in various ways and it starting to get to me. when ever she phones him they still say i love you to one another and this bothers me.... when we out and shes around they still kiss each other hello.. and he often asks me if he can go visit her.. the one day he spent the entire day with his ex and thats when i started getting worried...on new yeras this year he got drunk and told one of me best friends that he slept with his ex girlfriend while i was at work... when i found this out i was torn and i thought my life was over for good...i confronted him about it the day i found out and he denied it and said to me "i wish you just knew how much i love you"... after speaking about this he promised me that from now on he will not see her unless im with.then he got a motorbike the other day and we were ridig around, when we stopped at a friend he asked me if he could drop me off at home so he could go show one of his other friends and because he hasnt ridden the bike yet alone... so i said ok!!!! but i knew for a fact he would go and show his ex girlfriend... but i didnt say anything!!!!!!when he got to my house he told me that he had gone to her to show her and her brother the bike...i was so upset about the fact that he had broken that promis!!!do you think he is cheating on me with his ex? because i know she wont leave us alone until she gets it right.im so confused and really dont know what to do...i trust my boyfriend but i dont trust her, and i honestly love my boyfriend with my whole heart..the only reason why im so insecure about our relationship is because his ex makes me so insecure.... help, i dont want to loose the gravity that keeps me in reality
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female
reader, ecstasy  +, writes (14 January 2009):
 tell him straight up he needs to make a choice...you or her....... that if you ever find out hes in touch with her its over..... he has to respect your feelings would he have been ok if you were doing the same with your ex??? i dont think so.... stand up for your self girl.... never make someone feel they are more important to you than your self.... never...!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2009): I am sorry that this is your first serious relationship. Just exactly what are you getting out of this relationship, because I get the sense that this guy is walking all over you and you are letting him, you are acting like a doormat or a faithful dog waiting patiently for him to come home and pet you and feed you....you are giving your power away to this guy.
Start taking some of your power back. You don't trust this ex of his? Granted you have reason not to. But what exactly has he done to earn your trust? Men value what they have to work at to get? Don't be so easy on him. When he takes you for granted and won't stop talkiing to his ex then reward him with distance and an I don't care attitude, and tell him you are going to start dating other men since he is clearly still telling his ex he loves her and kissing her hello....If I was in your shoes, I would have been out of there at the first hello.....he is disrespecting you big time.
I don't know why you are so grateful for his crumbs...he may be your first, but honey, he won't be your last....and I hope you make him your past.
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