A
female
age
30-35,
*armen1111
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months but I've got a few problem...1.His not an australian citizen.2.He came here to study and almost finished his diploma until he ran out of money because he spent it on going out everyweekend.3.no study means his not allowed to work.4. His addicted to pokerHis been here long enough to become an australian citizen but because he got caught 7times drink driving his now on parol for a few months. His affraid of applying for the citizenship,scared that he will get denied and asked to leave the country...I dont understand why he would think that its not like he killed someone.Anyways this also means he cant work , he didnt tell me until 4months into the realtionship..there for I got to know him well..he is a lovely person with a big heart.I love him to bits ..He asked me to marry him recently but I wanna make sure his not rushing things just to be a citizen otherwise I would love to marry him.Ive been supporting him and paying for his rent for a very long time.I've been getting annoyed lately and short tempured because its stressing me out.I'm on a casual job so I dont get enough pay.. all my savings have been used and Im currently looking for a permanet job to help us. His addiction to poker doesnt help either he always begs for cash to play,he always thinks his going to make big bucks for the both of us but its not helping the realtionship.. please help ..I duno what to do... I want him to work.... its driving me crazy... somtimes i feel like his using me bcoz his got no were else to go but his so beautiful to me so I duno what to believe anymore??????
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 October 2011):
 Glad to hear that, my stomach feels better now :)
And it would feel even better if you'd increase the speed of your packing. Slowly ?... As you wish, but you KNOW the sooner you cut any ties with this loser , the better.
I am toasting to your future happiness and peace of mind, with a cup of chamomile tea :).
A
female
reader, carmen1111 +, writes (27 October 2011):
carmen1111 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your truthful oppinionated answers you've helped me see out side the square heaps ...and to the person that thought thus wad a joke I hope u feel wil coz I didnt make it up lol ^^k I dont have that much time in my life to be a mia life loser seeking attention on a website that helps people in relationship live sex n so on hahaha but yeah ur post was pretty strong you were right it is my choice ay the end of the day and Im slowy packing ny shit out of the place.....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 October 2011):
 No matter what, DO NOT marry him.
If he really loves you and want to be with you, he will get his shit in order first.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (20 October 2011):
 Dear Carmen
I am so sorry that this sorry apology for a guy is bleeding your dry of all the compassion that is in your heart now. And you believe in him. I imagine you seemed like the answer to all his dreams? Because the average person would just call him a bludging loser.
And I expect he blames everyone and everything else except himself when he fails to complete tasks, like his studies? He is irresponsible and possibly not fit enough to be driving if he is collecting so many tickets for Drink Driving so he has an Alcohol issue as well?
This guy is is a very very dodgy confidence trickster.
First he will want to marry you to get Australian Citizenship, he thinks.
How to stay in Australia via the relationship route
http://www.immi.gov.au/migrants/partners Onshore Partner visa
http://www.immi.gov.au/allforms/booklets Partner Migration booklet
Next he will want you to get pregnant. Each year. That's because of the Australia Baby Bonus - worth $Aust5000 per baby -very lucrative.
Baby Bonus
http://www.familyassist.gov.au/payments/family-assistance-payments/baby-bonus/
He is lying to you about work - he can easily find work, but he does not want to. read the Visa requirements.
Permission to work
Work Visa even if not a student
Partner Visa as a way to stay in Australia
Permission to work
http://www.immi.gov.au/students/_pdf/permission-to-work-
Work Visa even if not a student
http://www.jobaroo.com/working-visa.html
looking for a job
http://www.missionaustralia.com.au/pathways-sustainable-employment-services
And there are jobs out there - ask the Mining industry they are desperate for workers and the pay is very high. Ditch your boyfriend and head for the Mining states and towns to land a job and double your pay. Make a life. Find a real man who will not sponge off you
Clearly he wastes all YOUR money on his gambling. And you also oblingly pay the rent and fork out for everything else. You know how long he would stay if you stopped PAYING for EVERYTHING? 24 hours maximum, and if he could not change your mind, he would be packing his things pronto and not give you a second glance.
You are acting as his Mom not his girlfriend. Getting this immature BOY out of trouble, excusing him for his every slip-up.
Look after your health first. Pack his things up nicely. End the Lease. Make sure the LandLord knows you are going. if you intend to stay then change the locks. Walk away from this man who is using you.
Gambling is a serious issue. often masking more serious issues. Gamblings are their own worst enemy.
from Missionaustralia.com.au
The long quote below is from the Missionaustralia.com.au web site
"Problem gambling doesn’t respect wealth, status, age, ethnicity or gender.
Another difficulty is that while its impacts can be devastating, gambling can be a carefully guarded secret, often until it’s too late.
Indicators such as poorly explained absences from home or work, missing household items, unpaid debts or a defensive attitude when questioned might not make any sense to a companion.
A gambler’s spouse will often suspect a drug problem, an affair or a very expensive drinking problem before considering gambling.
The guilt and shame also mean people tend to land on a gambling counsellor’s doorstep when their behaviour is entrenched, all their money gone and their debts are huge.
The common link, from the evidence in Australia and overseas, is that problem gambling like other forms of addiction stems from a desire to escape life’s stresses and painful emotions – whether this is social isolation, poor self-esteem, a tragedy or painful event such as the death of a loved one or a history of abuse.””
And sooner or later he will get depressed and need this site. So may you need it.
beyondblue.org.au
Please start putting yourself FIRST not last. You are manoevering yourself into an impossible financial position. Potentially harming your Credit rating. And every minute you spend with this loser you undermine your own self confidence.
Do not imagine he would ot find another girl prepared to be mooched and manipulated to meet HIS NEEDS.
Please put yourself first, otherwise you will be penniless and living in a tent , if you stick with this guy
What do you need to convince you that you do deserve MORE happiness, support.
Waiting for your gambler to come home is no life. This is Madness. Simplify your life and get organised and Show the Man your Door. Say Good bye!!!
It is tragic to read a story of a nice sweet charming capable girl being duped by a confidence rickster.
PS. Do NOT MARRY HIM. He is only committed to his lover -=the Gambling
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 October 2011):
 If you are asking you know deep down in your gut what is right.
He's USING you
your a citizen he is not... if he marries you he can stay in the country and continue to:
drink
gamble
use your saving
NOT work
Personally I think you need to TEST this relationship
cut him off support wise. NO FOOD, no gifts, no cash, NO MONEY, no booze...
SOMETIMES you feel like he's using you? WHEN do you NOT feel like he's using you?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2011): If this man loved you, really loved you and wanted to put your relationship first he would NEVER treat you in this way. You love him, that is clear. Loving someone does not make a relationship work. I really believe you need to get the balance back - the power balance. How would it feel to kick him out and tell him that he needs to stand on his own two feet for a while and you get some space to be able to 'see' this situation more clearly. If he wants you this will be the wake up call he needs to clean up his lifestyle and you will have done him a massive favour and yourself. Your self worth has fallen into a pit and you need to get it back. As it stands you are just feeding his bad habits by helping him get away with it. Unwittingly, yet most definitely, you are causing the problem.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (20 October 2011):
Op, this is a joke right ? A troll post.Please tell me it is.Please ? I am feeling sick to my stomach.
The tone of many of my posts is at times biting and scarcastic, so that may seem to belie my moniker CindyCares. But I DO care , particularly about people like you. I am feeling queasy at the idea that somewhere in Australia there is a young , vulnerable, naive girl that's putty in the hands of some cruel selfish exploitative lowlife, and I can't do anything about it. Zero . Zilch. You'll ask our opinion, but you will not listen, because afflicted by such an inexistent self esteem, and blinded by infatuation and hormons, you can't see what's plainly there under your nose , and you are climbing on mirrors to rewrite how the story is, i.e.:
you are allowing an alien illegal gambling addict dishonest irresponsible moocher with a big drinking problem ( SEVEN arrests for drunk driving ???) to bleed you dry. He has nowhere to go, no money,can't get work and he would not take it if he could , of course you are a Godsend to him, of course he wants to marry you ! what do you think, .. that there are many girls around that would even give him the time of the day and accept to be used so that he can get his citizenship ??... You are a rare treasure trove for him, and he's anxious to close the deal. So that he can eat you out of anything you've got ,get his papers, then dump you without looking back once. Or, who knows,maybe he'll stay and send you on the streets and pimp off you- I would not put it past someone like him.
With the info you give, the whole " does he really love me " thing is ridiculous and superfluous- even if he DID love you... it's his his problem, you CAN'T ruin your life and future for " love " . But , frankly, the answer to the above question : does he love you ?....is : HAHAHAHAHA. Very funny.
It would be funny, if it weren't sad. And sickening.
I still hope it was a joke.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 October 2011):
 Carmen: How fast can you run? .... how fast does your car go? Use either or both means to get away from this guy as fast as you can.... To do anything else will be to enable him... a picture that is never pretty for the enabler....
Good luck....
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