A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend had a very difficult childhood and it has effected his relationship with me. We have been together for 4 years but he is so jaded that he is scared of people getting close to him. Ive always known and sensed this but he recently just addmitted it. He says he doesnt know how to change but he wants to. I don't know how much longer i can wait for him to change its getting too hard and im starting to think he never will. He always pushes me away with the harsh words he says and an attitude that acts like he's not all that into me. I have always just "taken" it but recently i have shown less interest and have been doing my own thing and now he is all freaked out that im going to leave him. I told him i just dont know if i can do it anymore. He has always been overly independent but im seeing a whole different side of him being so concerned that our relationship will end now. How do i help him overcome his fear of getting close to me? What should I say? Is this even something that can be overcome? Has anybody been in this situation before either in my shoes or in his? I dont know what to do!! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (28 June 2010):
There is only one way for him to overcome all this, and that is through counselling. He wants to change? Then he needs to be proactive and he needs to get himself some counselling to deal with this. If he can't understand himself and what he's been through, he will never understand what you want or need from him, and will never change. I understand he's had a hard time of it. But if he really wants to change, he needs to make a real effort. If he can't make an effort, then realistically, you won't be able to stay with him. Remember, you're not his mother. You're his girlfriend. Remember that. He must make some changes for himself.
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