A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I might just be paranoid but my boyfriend has been acting jealous lately and it makes me think maybe he might be the one doing something wrong and projecting. I know he used to pine away for a girl who would hook up with him between her on-and-off again boyfriend. They are still friendly and she moved away for college but its winter break. I am older than my boyfriend so I have a full-time job and graduated already. I figured I hardly saw him because of finals (which just ended) but he hasn't been moving his schedule around to see me like he used to and questions any guys name I drop or I hang out with. He is NOT being aggressive about it but I think its weird. I can't say any males name without a "who's that" or "I have to be honest I'm a bit jealous. Is this guy just trying to get in your pants?"This is worrying me that maybe HE might be the one doing something wrong. The only thing I have ever been insecure about is this girl so of course my mind goes straight to that but I haven't brought it up. Does his weird jealous behavior mean that maybe he is the one being shady?
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female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (22 January 2010):
You handled that beautifully... bravo! And congratulations! It's so nice to hear a happy ending.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI talked to him about not understanding his behavior. He stopped acting so jealous and also candidly talked to me about the friend. I let him know that I did not feel comfortable with the circumstance around the friendship and he sympathized.
I pretty much just took the attitude of "I want you to know how it would make me feel if you two met up but I am not making rules for you to follow" and then let him do whatever. The truth is... if they decided to rekindle anything there isn't much I could do to stop it. Its better to find out now if he is the sort of guy to betray my trust.
Well he has spent all his time with me (his own choice) and when I did give him the opportunity to see her or other friends (by busying myself) he chose to spend time with his family. He even dropped the L bomb. I told him a couple days ago that I no longer felt insecure about his friend. He told me in hindsight she isn't the healthiest person to be around and still has not seen her, he also doubts if he will by the end of the winter break.
So for me its a victory won I was able to conquer my emotions and my boyfriend respected my feelings. Thank you for all your advice. I still feel she has bad intentions but a good boyfriend would not allow for those intentions to be followed through.
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A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (20 December 2009):
In my experience trust your women's intuition.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (20 December 2009):
Wow, he's having serious jealousy issues here. You need to ask him straight why he's acting this way, and tell him you won't stand for all his accusations. You don't need to take hassle from a guy who's supposed to love you.
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