A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Alright, where do I start?I've been dating my boyfriend for 4 years. He's ten years older than me (I'm 18). I really don't know how that applies, but maybe that will help you in helping me?I'm getting ready to start college, plus I'm moving out of my parents house. When I say "moving out," I mean out of town. My parents are okay with it, but when I told him (my boyfriend) he completely freaked out. It's not like I'm deserting him, he knew where I was going to go to school. What I don't understand is why is he freaking out now?That's not the end of it. After I tell him this he started to be... possessive, I guess you could say. The next day he called me, it seemed, every ten to fifteen minutes it seemed. Then when we go out he doesn't let me talk to any form of the opposite sex. He either butts in or yells at me when he takes me home. It's really starting to scare me. This happened tonight (this is the first time this has happened) he called me about an hour ago asking (sort of) if I wanted to spend the night at his apartment. I'm scared. I don't know what to do. What should I do? I Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2009): I know that it is easy to say this, but you need to get out of this relationship. I have been through this and it was the worst time of my life. Even though it was over a year ago, i'm still affected by it. Once you let him get away with it for the first time, this will be it, again and again, each time saying sorry, or that he didn't mean it, until the next time when he does it again. You are doing nothing wrong by moving, and you should move away if you want to. You will find a guy one day who will treat you with the love and respect that you deserve, because after controlling becomes the abuse and that is never good. Think about it, if a friend treated you like this, you would tell them where to go! Please, if you need any more help, or want to ask any more questions about your problem, don't hesitate to ask. I hope it turns out okay xxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2009): Search this site for the word 'controlling' because that's what you're dealing with. He's controlling, and it's just bad news. Get away from him now and forever.
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries  +, writes (2 July 2009):
 talk to him tell him how he is freaking you out.
ask him why he's being so funny with you all of a sudden.
i mean if he knew you were going out of town then why is he being like that you should say to him because it's not like it's a new thing to him. he's probably being like this because he feels if you move away out of the country you'll get with someone else in some ways lack of trust maybe not in you but other guys and how you'll react as he can't do anything to stop you (i'm not saying you would but you get my meaning)
he's obviously jealous that you're going away to meet new people and new guys and probably afraid of losing you but he should not be that possessive, he should trust you completely.
talk to him and try and make him see it's a good thing and its what you want to do in life. :)
hope this helps
x ilovebowsandcherries x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2009): Oh no! I would ask him about it, about why he's suddenly acting that way, how you don't like it and reassure him that nothing is changed by you moving, you still feel the same for him etc. If this doesn't change his behavior or get him to open up to you and he keeps acting possessive, I think you have to get out of that relationship. It's destructive. I recently, finally got out of a 3 year relationship with a jealous, controlling, possessive guy. Over time, he became slowly more extreme such that I didn't realize how bad it was getting and I lost track of who I was. In the end, I wasn't allowed to have any male friends or basically leave the house without him getting angry. With your guy, it could be a temporary freakout and not an indication of his true personality, so I think give him a chance, but keep an eye out for any more signs of possessiveness in future.
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