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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: my boyfriend and i broke up three weeks ago and i decided to accept reality.however as away of getting over the situation i decided to talk to my mum about it.After a short while i have come to realise that my mum told some relatives and these relatives are going on and on about the situation behind my back.they keep saying am in college and still studying and are wondering why in the world am dating.am 22 years of age and i thought that was a legal age.however,am finding it so hard to heal emotionally given the fact that i have become a subject of discussion,my privacy is being encroached upon and my boyfriend just dumped me.i cant stop crying and am worried about my grades.sometimes i pretend to be okey but the actual truth is am breaking down.if you have any advice for me on how well to get over this situation,please help
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female
reader, bardia  +, writes (15 February 2012):
 It's terrible to have to go through the hurt of a breakup to begin with. On one hand, your family can surmise all they want but it's none of their business who you decide to get involved with. However, they're probably just more concerned about getting you through school successfully and they don't want some jerk ruining your education. If they're being nasty about the situation, then that's not fair to you. But they probably do have your best in mind. It's ok to cry, to get out the hurt from inside. You're frustrated and upset. You're allowed to be. Channel these awful feelings into your schoolwork--use it to succeed! Focus on that and slowly he'll fade away. I'm doing the same thing right now(only I'm throwing myself into my job and a new hobby). If the feelings get to be too much, you might want to see a counselor of some kind. But in the meantime, lean on family and friends. Push yourself to get through school. You will be ok. You're not alone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2012): OP first off you're being too sensitive about your family knowing. Of course they know, they're your family, they care about you and want know how you're doing always. They talk about this because that's what families do, they discuss situations give each other comfort and advice, and they discuss ways improving situations. They may not always agree on everything, they may have different views but that is exceptionally important because it is only by talking about our views,problems and opinions with others can we strengthen or alter them.
In fact it's time you stopped worrying about your privacy and understand that you cannot go through this alone. Would you rather be happy and over this or would rather keep it all to yourself, alone with your own thoughts with no one to help you?
Stop pretending you're okay and go speak to your family. You say you're 22 and old enough to have relationships then you should be mature enough to swallow your pride and let those who care about you know how you're feeling so they can help you. If you keep pretending everything is fine then how is anyone going to know that you need help. It's been 3 weeks OP hasn't it? Has pretending you're fine made it easier to deal with this or do you just feel worse now than you did 3 weeks ago? Is suffering this pain alone with no one to talk to really helping you? It's not. You just feel empty, alone and can't see how things are going to get any better, this is why you need to talk to people about this. They've all had break ups too OP, they know what it's like and it's nothing to be ashamed of.
OP it's time you opened up to the people that care about you. It's time you sat your mother down and talked to her about everything, it's time you cried with your best friend, it's time to open your heart to letting it healed by those who love you.
Would you rather privacy or pain? Would rather break down alone or would you rather get this all off your chest? The choice is yours OP.
But the one thing I learned in my years of break ups and heart ache that everything is easier with the help of your loved ones and it's not fair on you or them to leave them in the dark.
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