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Awful step mum!

Tagged as: Family, Teenage, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 November 2009) 4 Answers - (Newest, 26 November 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, *liviaclairex writes:

This is going to be long, i really appriciate anyone who takes the time to read this and any advice I will be sososo happy with!(:

Ok, I'm 15, and my mum and dad split up when I was 5. I've always been close to my dad. He see's me about one a month, used to see me once a week. He once didn't see me for about 6 months when I was young and it really hurt me. We get on so well, same sense of humour etc. He's very hardworking with a very good job, I'm so proud of him and I genually look up to him and love him very much.

He had a few girlfriends then met this woman, and married her when I was 10. She's never liked me. She used to buy presents for my sister and not for me, i was only about 8/9 and it's not the fact i didn't get any presents, I used to try and make her like me for so long. Then my dad used to wink at me and say 'don't worry you can have a cd or something later' but everytime my dad got me anything, she used to call me a brat and say I get whatever I want. were

When I was about ten, I found out they were getting married. I was upset, but hapy for my dad. She turned quite evil on me, all i did was go a bit quite and she kicked off at me. I flipped and got really angry. But when I look back, I was 10, and she was an adult and screaming at me saying she didn't care for me. she cried and told my family I was calling her names. and I actually didn't I couldn't believe how childish she was. My dad never stuck up for me, not once.

They live in London, and have had a baby who is now one. And if me and my dad are talking she'll get in a serious mood and try and make my dad go to her, it's just like jelousy! She's too sensitive aswell, when she was pregnant my dad asked if I want it to be a girl or a boy and I said a boy and my dad said, blatantly a joke, ''oooh, she ain't bothered if it's not a boy!'' and we laughed, and my stepmum went ''That's not very nice is it'' and stormed out.

Basically, which is my problem, is when they were getting married they told me and my younger sister we could be bridesmades. We got dresses and got all excited, and the week before the wedding they too the dress' back in front of us and my stepmum refused to let us go incase I ruined 'her special day.'

I was disgusted.

My dad said 'It's not just you, she's decided she doesn't want any bridesmades' And then I found out they did have bridesmades. So they lied to me. All my family was there, but me and my sister. I felt so let down by my dad.

This was 5 years ago and I've always wanted to confront my dad about it, but I don't know if I should leave it or not now. He's started to see me less, and when he see's me he drives up from London, we stay at our grandparents and then next day he goes home! And we used to go out and now we only go for walks as my stepmum wants my younger half sister to be there too.

I don't know if I should say something, stop seeing him or anything. I would never make my dad chose, he loves her and I want him to be happy, but I'm getting sick of her.

xxxx

View related questions: split up, wedding

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2009):

I would go with my gut feelings. You are never going to be able to get past this by letting it continue. In my life my children come first! Not to the point that I would not be happy but there is no way someone can give gifts to one without the other.. (birthday not included).. this is entirely your dads fault. Yes its hers to, but your his child. he as the other adult let this behavior continue. Now you as the young adult have a choice... let this emotional abuse continue or stand up for yourself. Remember, people can only treat you badly if you let them.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2009):

First I am so,so,so sorry about you're situation. Still see you're Dad, but really tell your Dad abot this B***H! Let him know that you love him and that she isn't what everybody else thinks she is. Just tell him the truth, you will be much better off. God Bless and Happy Thanksgiving!

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A female reader, DiamondGirlx United Kingdom +, writes (26 November 2009):

DiamondGirlx agony auntIt sounds like she was threatendded by the bond that you had with your father and she didnt want him to choose you over her so she has been acting quite harsh towards you so you will stay further away from you father..

You really need to speak to ur father about how u feel otherwise this matter will never get sorted and you'll just end up further away from them like she wants.

spk to him and make him listen to everything you have to say do it when she is not around other wise she will interupt gd luck :) D.Gx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2009):

I find that I have run into the same problem with my life, so you aren't alone. What I would do is talk to your dad about your feelings towards his wife. Let him know how you feel, and maybe he will listen to you. If he realy cares about you, then he will listen, and he will talk to your stepmom about it. By telling him how you feel, you should make him realize that you are still in his life, and you need his support as much as she does.

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