A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I brought my boyfriend to an after hours work party four months into our relationship. I didn't refer to him as my boyfriend but he kissed me a few times and held my hand. He and I were already committed but i don't like the term bf. He's 38 and it feels like a weird expression. The next day we were standing outside my building and he had brought me some candy. I didn't like that kind so I told him to give them away. Just then i called over one of my female coworkers who had met my bf the previous night and he started talking to her right away and said how nice it was to meet her and he wanted her to have the candy and after she took it he said "now you're my friend too." !!!!!!!!!!! I stood there shocked and mortified. She walked away uncomfortable and I felt like I had been punched in the stomach and there was nothing I could do to save face. He basically labeled me his friend I'm front of her AND expressed interest in having the same type of relationship with her!!! So bad. He didn't mean it but that's the way it came off to her. Any protest from MY mouth to counteract the image he presented would have just made it worse. Upstairs in the office as she passed by my desk she asked me if he's just really nice like that and I said yeah.. Then another coworker who was standing nearby asked what we were talking about and the girl was like "well this guy from the happy hour last night have me candy". !!! After she saw us kiss she called him my bf on assumption but after he gave her candy she figured that must not be the case... But we were together. And the way the whole candy exchange came off was a comedy of errors. I didn't want to tell her he brought them for me and I rejected them. I thought that would be rude and maybe even seem catty or petty. He didn't make any reference to being my boyfriend bc he picked up on my discomfort with the term. You're probably wondering so what. But you should know that I have a personal objection to the "hook up" culture. I don't care what others do but it's not for me. I'm mortified that people thought that's what I was partaking in. The girl told a few people we mutually know that the guy I was kissing brought HER candy!! Certainly a self-serving abridged version of the truth but humiliating to me none the less. That was six months ago and he and I are still together. But it still really bothers me... Is there any repair I can do to that vicious rumor? He certainly was never trying to make a pass at my female coworker and IF he had, I would've kicked him to the curb!!
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 February 2014):
 I don't see the big big deal here. YOU chose to not say, yes my "better half" my "Significant other" , my "man" is NICE like that - it would have CLEARED it all up for EVERYONE.
But in all honesty I'd forget about it.
IF she ask anything MORE about him, ask her if she does know you two are dating (then you don't have to use the term BF) and you set her straight.
I can;; my Dad's GF his Lady-friend because at 70.. GF/BF seems odd.
As for your MAN and his - now you are my friend too, it was goofy but I wouldn't read more into what he said.
Let it go, stop dwelling on stuff that isn't important.
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (3 February 2014):
 You can't hold it against your boyfriend for the fact that this girl spread rumors. Hold it against her, not him.
It was a mistake. Or less than that; it was a misunderstanding.
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A
male
reader, lost cartographer +, writes (3 February 2014):
There is nothing much you can do about the rumours.except maybe let it go and laugh it off. Rumours start from more than a one off chocolate giving so I think this is less of a rumour and more of a joke. I found if you laugh it off and then make a joke back then it generally doesnt last too long. So next time she jokes maybe say "oh thanks that reminds me could you tell your husband to bring milk next time he comes over.Obviously dont use that but find a joke that is on the same vein that is obviously a joke and laugh with the whole thing. bit like the whole your momma thing. Or else maybe if he brings another box of chocolates and you dont want them then introduce another work friend and tell him to give them to them and then laugh it off in front of them saying 'my boyfriend works for a willy wonka aparently this is normal'Easier than both of these things would be to ignore it and realise there is no truth and more likely they are just joking and will get over it. Also who cares about the whole boyfriend thing. Really call him your partner, significant other, ball and chain, doormat etc. I would just get over that term. It gets used alot regardless of age! :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@lost cartographer -- yes I guess that's what he meant. He admitted to me afterward that it was a weird thing to say and he didn't know why he said it. I think he was nervous and flustered for some reason. I'd be furious with him and insecure if not for the fact that giving the candy to her was my idea and I initiated the exchange. What bothers me is the way it appeared to her and the rumours she spread.
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A
male
reader, lost cartographer +, writes (2 February 2014):
This empasises something to me; Girls misunderstand things then take it in an offensive way, and that men say ambiguous things.
Now you are my friend too... could that mean that she is now his friend as well as yours? not that both of you two ladies are equally friends of his?
I always tell my wife. If there are 2 ways that you can interpret what i say, one is badly and the other is good, then I meant the good way.
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