A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:If a guy has a 'red hot' desire for a woman and for whatever reason it can't be met - maybe she moves away it just isn't available - can it ever come back again after fading? Can it come back even stronger? Or is it only ever a 'once in a lifetime ' thing? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2013): Thanks for the responses.SageOldGuy I did try to upload more information so that you could see more of my situation, but I'm not sure it worked so I'll repeat it here again:I know 100% that a guy really, really fancied me and maybe still does. It's not worth going into all the reasons why I couldn't respond to his advances, I just could not do it at that time - 3 years ago- it was totally impossible, but I wanted him very badly. We never openly discussed any of our attraction, but I wanted him more than any man I've ever known and couldn't tell him. I never really directly showed him how much, but would often compliment him and do nice things for him and be flirtatious, but up to a point. At the start, it was like he was falling in love with me and then he just became very confused and I think hurt because I did not return his gestures - I totally lacked confidence in myself and was a bit confused by him as well. I watched him over several months seem to become heartbroken and then almost angry with me and try to ignore me, but fail. I was honestly helpless to act as I wanted to. In all of this time, but especially recently, he has still shown me that he finds me attractive, but the key problem is that each time I see him I have been incredibly tense - I mean almost to the point where I can't speak. I'm not like this with anyone else. I think he simply did not understand what was going on. I was so tense because I had to fight every natural instinct to 'yield'. Recently, I got very, very drunk - totally unlike me, in his company. I have been under enormous pressure for other reasons and was totally exhausted and his behaviour towards me on that night was confusing - I think because he himself is just totally confused by me and what 'zone' we were in. I started to cry - not bawling - just 'leaking' through sheer exhaustion. I'm ashamed to say that I don't remember how exactly but some - not all - of my feelings about him came out, but they did, in a mess. I didn't tell him how long I'd wanted him for, for example, just that I adore him. And I don't exactly remember how he responded except that he was extremely kind, but said that he had gotten the impression that I want "everything" and he is not sure he can give it. This I can understand why he says - although it is not quite true. I've simply had to 'freeze' my feelings when all along I wanted a very lovely and light-hearted start to things. Now it's taken a more serious turn and seems like I want to get very serious because the three years of putting my feelings on hold has nearly killed me. I could tell that he still desired me, but that he was still confused and trying to do the sensible thing on that night. I don't know what to do now or how to begin to address it if at all. He has seen me bring a whole room in to laughter and knows that I have a very playful side, but I think he is just baffled by why I seem to have given him the 'cold shoulder' for so long. Probably he thinks I am a basket case, but I'm actually extremely straightforward, except with him - it's almost like I literally can't function around him and he doesn't know that as a fact. I'd prefer to just have a frank conversation with him, but part of me thinks that a 'serious' talk will just be the final straw and really kill anything off before it's begun. Any further ideas most welcome!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2013): Yes, it can come back. This goes for men or women. As far as their feelings fading, it depends on how much they desired you to start with. If it was just a slight crush, they will forget you faster. If they've liked you for years, or had strong feelings for you, it's going to take longer for their feelings to fade. Months, possibly years. It would also depend on how long you're gone, or if they met someone else while you were gone. If you came back, I imagine their feelings would return if they had strong feelings for you before you moved.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (26 August 2013):
 Yes, it can come back repeatedly.
Heck, if I had a nickel for every "one-time, (this time)head-over-heels" attraction that I'd ever experienced when a saw a hot lady..... I'd be one very well-to-do guy!!!!!
Hope this helps. Why do you ask?
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