A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is possibly one of the most tangled up problem you might see, and I hope I'm clear with exactly what I am troubled about. Some background info - I'm bi-curious, possibly bi-sexual. But that's not the main issue I'm having, although it does play a bit of a part. I have this classmate, X whom I have fallen for. And I've fallen for her because of this guy, Y, asked me to help him to get to know her better. In the midst of doing, I must have stopped and thought about her and realised that I do fancy her myself. Unfortunately, X and Y at the moment don't seem to be mere friends, but nor do I think they've committed to being each others' boyfriend or girlfriend yet. Thing is, I'd like to be with her, but that would mean things would be ruined with Y, and that might possibly upset her. And I don't want that. What makes this even harder (Bi-cur / Bi-sexuality bit comes in here), is that I used to find Y somewhat good looking. I'm not attracted to him anymore, but I don't want to ruin my friendship with him either. Especially since we're going into the Military together. I don't want to upset him or her, but I know I'm killing myself inside.A group of friends, including X, but not Y will be going overseas for a short trip. I feel like I really need to tell her how I feel about her. I don't know how she'd react to that. We're a tightly knit group of friends, and I wouldn't want any awkwardness to change that. I'd rather be close friends, than no friends at all. But there's something telling me that she has to know. I'm really at a loss right now. There's so much more to this, but I'm afraid that I'll simply be rambling even further.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI shall look for it, right after this reply.
Yes, Y really likes X, and I recently heard that he's got a lovebite on his neck, "administered" by her. I guess the bit on "not committed to being each other's girlfriend / boyfriend yet" is now false.
If I'm attracted to her, but I am completely sure I will not try to intervene and / or break up their relationship, would it still be a betrayal of our friendship? I mean, it's not like I can help these things. I've often thought about the scenario that she secretly likes me instead. I'd really love for that to happen, but personally, with my low self esteem and confidence, I really doubt that will happen, despite being told by my gay friends that I am uhm, "not as bad as I make myself out to be".
I've told myself that I could do without his friendship. It's cold and heartless and I've never imagined myself saying such a thing. It is totally not me to say something like that. Yet, I've convinced myself on that.
I hate this.
A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (30 December 2010):
 There is always risk involved in these situations Cyrano. Sorry, that's going to be my nickname for you because of the similarity in your stories. I suggest you look it up, it's about a man how helps a friend woo the girl he actually loves.
Anyway, you should approach this with caution. Perhaps some talk about them and her feelings would be a good start. That way you can figure out how serious they are.
You know for a fact that Y really likes X. So you're going to hurt him if you confess anything for X. Either you'll hurt him by stealing his girl, or when he finds out you betrayed your friendship by falling for his girl. You can only hope that X doesn't care about that and wants you.
There is no way for nobody to get hurt here. The choice is yours if you want it to be just you, or possibly others.
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