A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I had a falling out with this man I work with. He is married. I am single. We have been friends all along but there is an attraction between us which changes the friendship aspect of the relationship into something more and potentially something more dangerous. He has been my mentor and has trained me in my job so we worked closely together and started to become close. Until one day he started to pull away and then I followed his lead by ignoring him.Now we are not speaking. At least not like before. He acts hurt and upset that I am not talking to him anymore. I am feeling bad and guilty because I have a kind heart and don't want to hurt his feelings. And he has helped me out a lot at work and has been so generous with his time. He has listened to me talk about my challenges in life and the falling apart of my marriage etc.I guess I am pulling away because I was hurt but also because now I am realizing that this situation could get out of hand because we are both attracted to one another. Do I want to be a married guy's side dish? No. I have learned that lesson before.So I am trying to do the right thing. But I am feeling guilty. Please try and convince me that I have nothing to feel guilty about.He is trying to make me feel bad. And I go to bed at night crying about it. Why is he doing this? Can't he see that it can't go anywhere?Yes I admit I started to give in to the flirting and closeness but that is because I am vulnerable right now and going through a separation and he made me feel good. He paid attention and for a time made me feel sexy and alive again. I know why I was falling victim to this trap but how can I allow myself to continue on this path?I feel like I should just be his friend again and make things right, start talking to him. Or should I just keep my distance?Can anyone please help me? I am feeling so bad about it because I guess I have feelings for him. And he is expressing that he is hurt by my actions. I know it is wrong but I still really care about him. And I hate that I am making him feel bad.How do I handle this? What should I do? I am so torn!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2013): He is being very manipulative- it's intentional, I hope you realize this. He knows your vulnerable and a kind person. He's looking for a reaction out of you. In a public place tell him the truth and stand by your convictions. You don't want to be someone's side dish- you want to be open and available to true and honest love when it comes along- not a married mans side trist. My married GF found out yesterday that her husband slept with a coworker on Saturday night. She is feeling so broken and weak about this- she's just fallen apart. He ripped her heart out... She's throwing up and just physically ill about it. Some married men just don't care, but please don't do this to your coworkers wife. You don't personally know her- she could be the sweetest person on the planet who would never suspect what a predator her husband can be. For yourself and women out there- put him in his place and stop this crap that he is pushing for.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (28 May 2013):
 Yeah, sugarplum786 is right. Save your guilt for if you HAD gotten in an affair with a married man! You did the right thing by backing away from the fire. You are still in huge danger though, and there's a high probability that you'll still end up in his bed.
The only way to stop this is that you tell him the truth when he expresses his hurt. Tell him that you're feeling like your friendship with him is in danger of becoming inappropriate due to your vulnerability and resulting feelings, and that you can never get involved with a married man. That's your only way out of this, shy of changing jobs. Right now, you're not telling him the truth, which leaves the door wide open, which is why you're still in high danger. Many of the affairs become sexual after this "pulling away" happens.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (28 May 2013):
 Hi, you did the right thing, if you think this is difficult, imagine if you had an affair and he decides that he no longer wants you.Dont regret your decision and remember you did him a huge favour by keeping away.
Why should he be hurt, he is still with his wife, its not like he offered you marriage and the romance - and you turned him down. Stay strong and its in your best interest no matter how much it hurts to keep your distance.
If in doubt read the comments under cheating, you would realise, the wife comes out the saint, you the bitch, you in pain and a home wrecker and then begging crying and pleading for scraps from him. Dont reduce yourself to that level, you deserve a lot better and he is playing with your emmotions!
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