A
female
age
51-59,
*hh
writes:I was with my boyfriend for 4 1/2 years and about 1 yr ago I found erotic pictures of him on the computer cross dressed. I was so upset and freaked out! He said he didn't need to do it. Well, I kept finding new clothing. When he started crossdressing he stopped having sex with me regularly and would never kiss me passionately. Kiss on the cheek. He just moved out 2 months ago and now he dresses up every day in full female attire and takes pictures of himself and shares them with other people. He says he only likes women but I did find an anal dildo and an enema bag. He goes to a gay bar to dress up because they accept crossdressers thee he says and has fun . Since he moved out we continue to see each other and have sex and now he kisses dme passionately and is very sexual but he NEVER calls me or asks me to anything. I always do. I think if I didnt we would never see each other. He said he wants to still see me but needs his space. I feel rejected.
View related questions:
dildo, moved out Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, jhh +, writes (1 June 2013):
jhh is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe doesn't ask me to do things, but goes out with his transveste, crossdressing friends to clubs and sends me pictures. But,says I love you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2013): OP it's just words. Again you're focussing on the wrong thing.
His actions are very clear. Of course he "wants" you, he wants you in his terms and nothing more, and his terms are "you keep chasing me honey and when I'm horny I'll come to you". OP instead of giving him an out, instead of letting him control this and make all the decisions here you need to be the one who walks away.
He's only keeping you hanging on.
You need to stop letting him have all the power here. I mean he starts cross dressing you get no sex, what happens? Nothing, everything is on his terms. He decides it's best to move out, what happens? Again he's in control so he moves out. He puts no effort in to being with you anymore, what happens? You chase him around like a love sick puppy and when he feels like it he calls over for sex. You become unhappy with that situation and you talk to him about it, what happens? He tells you what you want to hear and that's enough for you. Again he's in full control.
OP for about a year now he's been a shit boyfriend that's been pulling away from you. What have you done in that time? nothing but pander to all of his wishes. OP you're getting nothing out of this and as soon as someone arrives that takes his fancy he's gone. Not only that but he may well be seeing other people at the moment and you're just not going to know.
OP actions are you what you need to focus on, his words are empty.
If I told you I missed you but never made any effort to contact you, would you really believe I missed you? No, you'd be a fool to because if I missed you I'd make the effort to contact you.
If I told you I love you and want to be with you yet I move out, don't have sex with you and make no effort to initiate contact then would you really believe me? No because my actions are showing my real intentions aren't they?
OP ask yourself one question and ask this to your head not your heart. Where is this going and is it really going to go the way you hope it will? Your head knows the story OP.
4 1/2 years and the past year it has been falling away, after 4 years he moved out, after all that time together he's just not even bothered. There's not going to be some great turn around here and you know it.
So the choice for you is simple. Keep living your life according to what he wants, hanging on and hoping for something that you know deep down is never going to happen. Or finally take the power back and do what you probably should have last year and walk away.
His words don't mean shit OP. It's like me saying I'm not a violent person with blood on my hands and a guy writhing in agony at my feet. Words don't mean anything if they're not backed up by actions. You know this.
Time to stop wasting your time on a guy who won't back up his words with actions.
OP the very last test in any relationship is breaking up. If you do it, stick to it and stay strong then you'll see what you really mean to him. But at the moment you're still too weak over him. I mean all he had to say was he still wants to be with you and here you are, still in this relationship. He has too much power and control over your heart OP.
You need to gain strength here and he needs to go. And if you're ever to give him a chance again then he's going to have to chase you for months to prove he still wants you.
OP even if you can't find the strength to do that, at least stop sleeping with him. Because frankly it sounds like that's the only reason he's sticking around.
...............................
A
female
reader, Keeley345  +, writes (29 May 2013):
Cross dressing is a fetish as well as a fantasy life for someone people. It isn't unusual to come across cross dressers but it can freak people out like it did you. You shouldn't have found out the way you did though. Your boyfriend may just enjoy anal sex. Some straight guys do but he may also be bisexual. Only he can tell you what his preferences are. If this is freaking you out and you can't or don't know how to deal with it, don't fret, unless you're a cross dresser too or know people who are, you'll never understand it. And...you don't have to. What you have to decide now is where your relationship with your boyfriend stands? You and him will need to both decide on that. But remember his fetish or lifestyle, does not have to appeal to you or become yours.
...............................
A
female
reader, jhh +, writes (29 May 2013):
jhh is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI thought exactly what you are saying last night and told him. I said obviously this relationship is over. I no longer feel love from you. I said I'm sorry it is over and sending you much love. He said I still love you and want to see you. I do not get it. I gave him an out and still said he wants to be with me. Well, Its evening now and he still hasn't called or asked me do anything. I do not get it! Any insight?????
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2013): I honestly don't see the relevance of the cross dressing in this situation at all.
You seem to be caught up in that, like it's some kind of reason and fail to see that what you have here is a guy who can take you or leave and makes no effort with you.
Forget the cross dressing OP it has nothing to do with him just basically not being in this relationship anymore and not doing any work to maintain it.
of course you feel rejected OP the relationship is basically over and you're the only one who hasn't let go.
Forget the cross dressing here completely and look at what's happening.
It started with pretty much no sex, then he moved out and now he only comes to you or is in contact when you initiate. The writings on the wall isn't it? This relationship is just ever so slowly ending and frankly OP is already over but he'll call over for some sex if he's in the mood.
Time to walk away OP, he simply has nothing real to offer you and you can't spend your life hanging on to a so very obviously dead relationship.
I'm right aren't I? This is very much over.
...............................
|
