A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I turned 21 over the summer. I am single with no kids. I am a full-time college student and I will be graduating next year with a degree in accounting. I live at my parent's house, and I work part-time. I have never really felt so low and depressed in my life until now. I don't have time to do anything outside of school and work. I don't want to spend money because I am trying to save to move out. I don't have any debt aside from student loans. People say college is suppose to be the best time of your life, but it's been challenging and a struggle for me. I don't go on vacations, I don't travel. I just go to school and work. The friendships I've made on campus are shallow and superficial. Out of the 30 plus people I've met and swapped numbers with, they only contact me if they want something such as answers to homework or whatever (which I don't give them). What I want to know is, will life get better after graduating college? I can't wait to quit the crappy part-time job and become a professional and live on my own completely independent. It's a silly question I guess, but I just want to hear of when other people began to really enjoy life, because I haven't yet. I just feel like I am the only one at this age who isn't having fun. Everyone else seems so carefree and happy with life. I am glad I chose to go to college straight out of high school. Many of my classmates are in their 30s and 40s. I just want all my hard work to be worth it and mean something.
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (27 July 2013):
I think it’s normal to feel low and fed up sometimes when you’re following a work and study lifestyle that requires you to be disciplined, committed and hard-working. The trouble is this: it takes up so much of your time that when you’re struggling with it, there aren’t always that many other things in your life to focus on to take your mind off of it. Certainly if you’re struggling with the workload I’d encourage you to share that with tutors, as well as any family or friends who could support you.
Your hard work will pay off. Try to make some loose plans in your head, if you haven’t already, about things you would like to do with the time you’ll have when the studying’s done with. Perhaps these will be rewards for your hard work, i.e. ideas of how to spend the superior earnings, or they might be plans to travel, take a holiday, or do something else if you take a bit of a break. Give yourself things to look forward to; a year’s not a long time and when you’re working really hard it goes very quickly.
As for friends, remember people vary in how sociable they are, and in fact how lucky they are: everyone’s got to meet the right kind of people to get on with them, however extrovert they may be. But even the most out-going people will actually probably have a small number of close friends and a large number of acquaintances. Just work on being confident and engaging around people and the more relationships you form, the more chance there is of a friendship growing from a few of them.
I wish you all the very best.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2013): Have you ever thought of doing a little bit of charity work? Something to remind you how fortunate you are, whilst doing good deeds? Just an idea...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2013): Friends come and go. MOST friendships and interactions are superficial and fleeting....people are too busy and wrapped up in their own lives. We're all basically like that. I think it's normal to NOT have many friends. Some people are very socially adept, and have more, but most people are lucky if they have 1-2 really good friends in life.Life is kind of hard no matter what. Being single is hard. Being married is hard. Having kids is hard. Not having kids can be hard. Working is hard. Being unemployed is hard. Being young is hard. Being old is hard. Being in college is hard. Being out in the workplace with the general population is hard. It can be very hard to meet people once you are out of the college environment. The social "scene" is gone.I think you've just become bored and stuck in a routine, and too work work work oriented. We all get like that. First, you should watch the documentary "Children Underground" and others like it to observe what a really crappy life is like. Next try to incorporate a bit more fun into your life. You HAVE GOT to read "Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts." She has a website and book on how to live a juicier and more passionate life. Juice, passion, and fun don't just happen....you've got to MAKE it happen.Finally, read Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now" and learn to how to live more in the moment. Its important to prepare for your future as you are doing, but there's an art to living in the present as well.
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A
female
reader, divanpumps +, writes (26 July 2013):
 As a college student n part time worker n I also do internship I have a full schedule but it depends on you to go and enjoy life even with having a big load.. I too understand the hardship of making friends in school I have learned and accepted to go out and do things on my own whether it be going out dancing or whatever you are interested in . Feel proud of where you are at right now in your life some have not accomplished what you have.. Fun will come if you go out and get it .. It will not just come to you
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2013): For everyone it's different. Also it depends in what contry you live. In US where you are from, people tend to be more occupied with work and school and they hangout less with their friends than for example in Italy. I travel the world and see different forms of fun people have. In Italy there is a lot of idleness, and this is what makes Italians happy i guess: hangout non stop day after day with friends, coffee, smoking cigarettes. This lifestyle would be very boring for me, but it's fun for them. I saw countries where people never rest as they need to work, work and work. For them a little rest at home is fun. And it makes them happy. You are saying that college supposed to be fun. Said who! And what is College fun anyway. For many people it's a lot of drunken nights and sex. I ve done all of that, and frankly now I had much better memories than my silly hazy college weekends. For me my fun time began in my 40s when I was done with kids raising, and we opened our own business. Itlet me travel and basically do what I want to with mylife, not what i had to. You obviously don't sound very happy, and this is what counts, not what everyone thinks how college years supposed to be. It doesn't look like you have many hobbies. I started making real friends through my hobbies. I think passion for something brings people together in a very genuine way, when they don't need anything from you but your company. You are saying you are saving money to move out. Are you trying to buy something or it's just initial expenses such as security deposits and couple month of rent? Have you thought of having a roommate. That would take a good portion of expenses of your shoulder as you can split all initial expenses and you wouldn't have to save this much. Can your parents help you out a bit if you are not planning n buying anything, just to move out and rent an appartment it's not that much money after all. You are asking if life gets better after college. For one, it gets a bit easier as you want have studies anymore, that a big weight of your shoulders. But then you ll have work. And with your degree you won't be making THAT much money. More than you are making now but not to the point that your lifestyle will change dramatically. You also will be working all day long,many like all working people you will have weekends off and evenings. You WILL meet people at work, but again it might be the same as your so called college friends.And I said before people that I met at work never became my good friends, but a life long friends I ve met through my out of work places of interests and hobbies. You will deffinitely have more time n your hands when you finish college, that you can use for fun, but again you need to define fun for yourself, and whatever it is for you, you will need to make an effort to find it.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (26 July 2013):
 I think that happiness periods during your life do tend to depend on your health. But briefly, a few things stand out to me now that I'm now considered a "senior" and some things I've done are now affecting my health. Best advice: don't smoke!
Friends - the best are those you can maintain lifelong and rely upon.
Family - this one is difficult, but also depends on honesty and reliability.
Success - it's not all about money, though helpful, but also doing something you can be proud of. Kindness to others is paramount.
There's more, but those things can add up to contentment.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2013): Rest assured, things do get better. I also spent four years earning an undergraduate degree in accounting and finance. During that time I worked at a couple internships and spent my evenings tutoring other students. I also spent a great deal of time studying, because frankly, it is an area of study that can be time consuming if you want to do well. Even when I wasn't working, I treated my education like a full-time job because I wanted to do well in school. Although I went out on occasion, I did not make many friends in college and spent most of my time studying and/or working. After I graduated college I continued my schooling by attending law school for the next three years--that only sucked the life out of me more. This was even more so the case as I spent even more time studying. However, I was fortunate to find a great job after graduating. Now that I am a working professional, I have much more time to enjoy my evenings and weekends. Indeed, there are times where I am busy, but I find that I can generally enjoy myself much more now. I have much more time to visit with friends and family. Moreover, I have taken up some hobbies like backpacking. Overall, the moral of the story is that things do get better. If you are spending your time now being diligent and successful in school, you should feel confident that you will land yourself a good job that will allow you to do more later on. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Garden Rose  +, writes (26 July 2013):
 I am in the same situation as yourself (except that I am in a relationship), am the same age and feel the same way about my life - especially about the superficial relationships in college. What keeps me going is the thought that once this is all over (college, mainly), I can start saving up to move out. A place to call my own. My own belongings, a professional job. Living the life I want to lead. This is where I see myself enjoying life. It's not always the easiest to accept, but think of the negatives in a positive light. For example, fewer friends means more time to concentrate on yourself, your studies and making yourself happy. Your part time job may be crappy (I know mine is) but it'll help pay for moving out. Being in your early twenties is just such an awkward time in your life. You want to be an adult but people don't take you seriously, which leads you to doubt yourself. Just take it a day at a time. This'll be a blip in your lifeline eventually.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2013): I think what most people will say is life is what you make it.
You set your priorities and you have to bring some balance to your life. As a young woman, you've taken on a lot of responsibility, and you've focused on your goals. That is a good thing.
Now I'm going to give you the benefit of experience. College is supposed to be the doorway to adulthood and knowledge. You're exposed to different cultures, people of different walks of life, and you are introduced to the world of academia. Yes, it is a struggle.
Your problem is, you've become cynical and frustrated. You forgot the world doesn't just come knocking at your door, you have to thrust yourself into it.
I was fortunate to grow up in a house full of siblings, and parents who put heavy emphasis on a balance between fun and doing our schoolwork. They taught us how to keep things in perspective. They didn't allow us to sit around and brood.
They taught us to socialize and participate in group activities, that didn't always include our siblings. We had our own friends.
I sometimes drop what I'm doing and just go take a walk.
I purge my troubles from my thoughts. I just think of something I'd "like" to do, and set a goal to do it. It becomes a project. I don't stop until it is accomplished.
We all crave fulfillment. We are responsible for our own happiness. If there is something you've always wanted to do, do it.
I jog through a local park, fill my lungs full of fresh air, and just smile and say hello to a stranger. You need time to relax and stop being so serious. Create a schedule so that you get your studies out of the way, to make time to get a manicure. Go ride a bike, or hangout with a friend.
My dear, it's the quality of life you seek. It isn't always rainbows and good-times. It's cherishing your youth and health. Stop for a coffee and just sit and look out a window. Put a few dollars aside for a live concert. Reward yourself for being focused and responsible.
Call your favorite cousin and go dancing. Be creative and you'll think of ways to expand your horizons. Take a class in drama. Test your acting skills. Discover your hidden talents. That's what I did. You need to blossom. You're too stiff.
Don't wait for fun to come to you. Go out and find it. You don't allow yourself to have fun, because you fear you will lose focus. You'll waste time and money. Sweetie, that's called fun! Put aside a tiny fund for fun activities.
Don't be afraid to ask around about parties and cool hangouts. There are things going on in your head that you are forbidding yourself to do. Act on an impulse as long as it's safe and responsible. Allow yourself to breath. You've shut yourself off, and make excuses for being antisocial.
Life is more rewarding for people who have positive outlook and open themselves up to the world. They contribute their time and energy to making the world a better place, or helping the less fortunate.
You are very lucky. You are young and at the beginning of your journey. You're too young to be so cynical. If you feel like going to the beach, go. If you feel like asking your grandmother out for a picnic, do it.
You'll appreciate life when you start living it, sweetie.
Your friends are superficial you say? Perhaps your choice of friends are just too limited.
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A
female
reader, malvern +, writes (26 July 2013):
 I think you need to consciously set some time to one side to do something you like doing. Maybe just one hour of 'me time' everyday or every few days, and it doesn't mean it has to cost money. You seem to have got bogged down with everything and you really need to clear your head and relax a bit. Life is what you make it, there's no specific time when people start to enjoy it. Some people play all the time and others work all the time, but most of us manage to find a balance somewhere between the two. Do you have old friends (not college friends) you could spend time relaxing with? If so then meeting up with them on a regular basis would make you feel a lot better.
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