A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I met my now second Husband in May 2008 we had a lot in common he was charming and made me laugh. we both had children of the same age 3 and 5 and he was in the process of splitting with his ex. After six weeks the relationship was going strong he went back to his old house where his ex was to pick up some things and ended up accused of assaulting her he said she went for him he had lots of marks wheras she had none. I took him in to my house with my children where he lived rent free for six months to support him pay his legal fees. Three months later towards the beginning of the trial he admitted he had slept with his ex that morning of the assault but then went back to t me so she went for him. I was confused. I forgave him. I found him kissing someone in a nightclub four weeks later, he cried and I foregave him he said he was confused. He was not allowed to see his kids his OCD took over all he wanted to do was go out on sat nights and was dismissive totally of my kids not wanting to have anything to do with them as he said he felt guilty not seeing his i hoped this would change.I was pregnant four months later. My children were kind to him and he ignored them once in their earshot he said they needed to learn to sh** straight in the toilet or that my little girl was fat and i would give her diabetes from her having sweets.He lied alot to me during my pregnancy about going to his ex's house even though i said i understood he needed to see his kids. I found a letter to her from him saying he missed her and the kids. he said it was a ploy to see the kids. There were texts with kisses on and thirteen phone calls a day between them until she called a halt on it. I asked him to leave he would not.I lost my job due to stress when pregnant, he said he would loan me money whilst unemployed to pay bills he paid only a quarter of outgoings refusing to pay more. I could not afford childcare so i was self employed no one employs a heavily pregnant woman but i earned a pittance and started running up debts to keep my house for my kids. He had fourty grand in the bank. My baby and i nearly died in an emergency cesarian he was brilliant at first three days later he threatened to go again. When my health visitor turned up he told her i was un predictable she called in social services to look at him as he was not bothering with my kids. The kids did not tell them how bad it was saying they just wanted him to bothr with them. When my baby was five months old i had to sell my house where my kids grew up. All my equity would have to pay off the debts i ran up trying to keep the house.He started going out at night not caring what I thought one day I came home to find a reciept in his wallet he had rented a property. he said he was worried i would say go and he had no where to leave I was furious as I felt he had taken the easy way out. He said he wanted to work on us. So when we moved out he had his rental house and i had to rent a house and support the kids and i.He asked for half my furniture i gave hum nothing. He said his house was a way he could see his kids pretending to his ex he was not with me. He did not stay at his staying at mine all the time i was hoping as he started seeing his kids it would start to fall into place. He started coming out with my kids although he did not look that happy about it.His ex let his kids come to us on a saturday day i treated them like my own, We still rowed occassionally some things were better but occassionally he wanted to go out with his friends night clubbing where his ex goes i did not want him to saying he could do other things with his friends. Worst of all when he came out with the kids and i he looked like he did not want to be there he clashed with my little boy making him cry as he said he did not listen to him and was excluding him i was piggy in the middle. I got sick of it threw him out then he would cry promise my kids he could do it and work on his relationship with them but then would tell me he gets no enjoyment from it. Five weeks ago i threw him out for him saying he could not do it with my kids again. He came back crying his family rung me and i was so scared of having to leave the baby on his own with him (he says if he hurts himself he will learn from it). So he has stayed when my kids are not here i have told no one not even my dad as i want to see if it will work he come when my kids are here to work on the relationship but goes home. He does not go out now says he realises he wants us as a family my little boy does not like him and asks why is he here when he comes, I told him he needs to build bridges with him by entering his world he tries a bit but not enough as he is aware he does not like him and says my little boy is hard to live with and the reason he is still in his own house he forgets he decided not to move in six months ago as costs were too high at mine. My little girl is a different character and he has gotten closer to her as she seeks him outhis effort is minimal. My little boy has had periods of upset in school refusing to go to class he has now started to exhibit signs of anxiety such that the school has suggested counselling and want to psycologically assess him.My little boy is intelligent i am scared for him. I told my Husband about it all. He wanted to come to the school with me i suspected to monitor my son did not drop him in it. I said no he said he would support me. Later he was really funny with me I asked what was wrong he said he was worried he would be blamed for my little boys situation. I said he would not as what he did, did not help but was a part of bad things he went through like him having to move house away from his friends. My Husband said he was worried my son would lie to get rid of him my son is not like that he is a kind little boy this annoyed me as i feel he has a bad opinion of my son. Then he went on to say he could not handle the pressure of all this and he hoped it did not affect him seeing his own kids. I went mad as it seemed he only cared about himself. I dont know where we go from here if anywhere. I am scared for my little boy dont get me wrong he tries sometimes with him but not enough my little boy is ok to him but tells me he does not want him there. My Husband says my boy just wants me to himself. What do i do my Husband is impatient to move in i wont let him as my Son is more important and he does not like him and until he builds a better relationship with him i cant let that happen. But at the end of the day i am not sure anymore we have anywhere to go I love him but am fed up with all the issues he has most of all my kids history tells me he will find it difficult again before long, I am so fed up and confused????
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clubbing, debt, his ex, kissing, money, moved out, period, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi thanks for your comments I have had the courage to make him leave and break contact bar for the baby. Keep me in your prayers to keep going my Son comes first x x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2011): Stop abusing your son. Yes u read right. By u continuing to allow your new hb to inflict pain onto your son, you contribute to his abuse.One day I hope u do the decent thing and get rid of this man, this man has disrupted your life, your kids lives and u cannot see it. Why?One day u will have to answer to your kids why YOU betrayed them and their lives.You are walking a path of destruction. You just havnt realised it yet.This man is toxic to u and your kids. Remove your blinkers and see how dysfunctional you have made your kids lives.LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, amenthyst3356  +, writes (25 March 2011):
Get rid of him!!! There is no more warnings. He made you lose your home and job, he is a horrible person.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2011): This guy has been 'trouble' from the start. OK so you love him, or did - but he is not ever going to the the loving, stable, reliablable partner a woman wants. The future with him in your life is bleak. I would call it quits and start again.
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