A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I am 28 year old female . I have had the same partner for eight years. For the last three years sex has been very painful. I have been to the doctor and they are yet to find anything wrong with me to cause it (and definitely no STIs) . We have tried everything from lube to much foreplay but regardless of how ready I am for sex, as soon as he enters me I get hideous pain and he has to stop. If we continue it is horrible. I am also prone to cystitis after sex so this is an added misery. I feel so awful because now we have no sex life. My partner is super amazing and supportive but that doesn't stop me feeling so terrible and guilty. I sort of feel like a bad girlfriend because it's basically a platonic relationship. I have never been one for "making out", I am at the end of my tether. Please advise.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2017): So, you've been together for 8 years and have been having this problem for the past three years?I assume that sex for the first 5 years was fine? It was not painful? Then all of a sudden the pain developed three years ago? Without warning?What kind of a doctor have you been seeing? A GP or a doctor who specializes in sexual issues? A GP will have no clue. What you need is a referral to a doctor who is trained to treat sexual difficulties in women. You can also do research on the internet. It is amazing what you can find to help you. Maybe you can find somebody in your area?You need to keep trying. Keep being persistent to find a solution. Never sit in misery and accept this as your fate. There MUST be something that can be done to HELP you.I suffered for years with severe psychological issues about pain during intercourse. So much so that my husband was unable to have sex with me for most of our married life. I was told vaginismus but I am still not sure. We tried and I was so afraid of the pain that I would tighten my thighs and not allow him entry. I just had this mental roadblock. My parents drilled it into me that I should wait until I was married. I was raised to think sex was dirty. So, maybe these were issues I was having and not really aware at the time. They were very religious and I was raised a GOOD girl. I ended up leaving my husband for not only this reason although it was a big one. I met a wonderful man who took my virginity. It hurt. A lot. But I found that I trusted him and relaxed around him. The pain went away after the first time.I am wondering, is your boyfriend your first?How is your relationship? Has something changed within the last three years? Either with you or with both of you as a couple? I agree, sometimes it could be psychological. Do you have any issues with sexual trauma in your past?It is not normal to feel pain. So there must be a cause. I do think some kind of sex therapy is a good idea. And it may be more complex than needing a cream. If you are your boyfriend work as a team to find the solution, then you will find the solution. Don't give up!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2017): As a mental health nurse .. with little general knowledge my first thoughts are make another appointment and ask to see a specialist .. I find that taking personal myself D-Mannose -as it Fights Urinary Tract Infections (UTI), Cystitis in either capsule or powder form a good preventative meaning you take it before sex to eliminate irration .. also use some natural yoghurt dipped on a pad and spread as much as you can upwards into your vagina a good healing aid . The d mannose you can purchase on amazon.. heal thyself and then look at having nookie .. once your not sore ..
I think some of your anxiety and gee you have every right to be .. been there and down it . Is down to how you feel when your sore after sex .. and during.. so get back to your doctor explain this can't go on .. try the d mannose as a preventive and see how that helps too
And hugs and cuddle sweetie .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2017): This sounds like vaginismus to me. I have had it, and agree that it makes sex painful (it's like a ring of burning pain inside your vagina), and downright impossible. For me it came out of the blue after many years of no problems at all. It can strike at any time for a variety of reasons.
You can find information on the condition on the NHS web site here: http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/vaginismus/pages/introduction.aspx
I suggest you go back to your doctor and ask for her/him to check you out for vaginismus. There are creams and treatments that will help. They helped me and I am absolutely fine now.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Phil052 +, writes (2 February 2017):
 Sorry to hear about your problems. My own guess is that the problems are psychological, caused by anxiety about previous experiences. You have been to get physically checked out, so it must be something else. You have also used lube and lots of foreplay, and there is no reference to him being unusually big in that department. So, my guess is that past problems are causing you to tense up when he tries to enter you. It might be worth trying sex therapy to see if that will help? There may be techniques you can use to help get back to a pain free sex like.
One final thing, it is great to hear that your boyfriend is so understanding, given how difficult it must be for both of you. I really hope you can find a solution to this problem and get back to an active sex life again.
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