A
female
age
30-35,
*atine1899
writes:I've known for a while that something hasn't been right with me and my friends, but I thought it was something small that we could sort out. But then at my sleepover for my birthday I went upstairs and as soon as I had they started bitching really bad about me. They said they hated me and they wouldn't give a reason either, said they didn't need one. They then left in the middle of the night and they laughed about it, like hurting me was a new form of entertainement. It's my birthday tomorrow and even so this has hurt me really bad, I thought I could trust them but now they say they hate me. I don't exactly have many friends at school and they were my main ones, and now I'm stuck in lessons with them. I don't know what to do. Please help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, justme..x +, writes (22 June 2009):
 hiya, omg how horrible! "friends"? Don't blame yourself, the other replies are so right. But in answer to your new question, I don't think you should actually blank them if they try and talk to them - it will possibly just make them go all whispery and bitchy and they'll all say stuff and try and make you talk to them. And probably twist it so you end up feeling guilty for ignoring them. (Well, that is just what might happen; my opinion) so I think you should say hi back if they greet you, but keep it kind of cold. They COMPLETELY don't deserve your friendship, but you can still rise above their immaturity and nastiness by being civil and polite, but don't just go back and be friends! They will only hurt you again. Or, perhaps, they will all turn on someone else and you might get pulled into it. You sound really nice, don't let them bring you down! It's not your fault they acted like that. They are probably insecure, and definately immature. You will honestly find some new, better friends. For over six years of my life, I had a series of really bad friendships on and off, but I started to ease off the nastier people and mix with new girls; now I am in a huge group of really nice people, with quite a few really kind close friends within that.Feel free if you want to message me about this. Let me know how it goes! Good luck xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): They are horrible, ignore them, make new friends, noone deserves those friends!
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female
reader, Starlights +, writes (21 June 2009):
 the best thing you can do, is strike up conversation with them and not let them think they have hurt/ upset you (this shows them that you are strong girl and nothing gets you down)
obviously im not saying u have to go back to being "friends" with them, just remain civil and normal, dont show them they got to you!
im sure you be fine, act confident in class, good luck! xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): If they say Hi, say hello back and take your seat. I wouldn't give them ANY attention because that is what they want. Just ignore if you can, but I do hope you will speak to your school counselors about this and your MOM.
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female
reader, Satine1899 +, writes (21 June 2009):
Satine1899 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanx everyone sooo much, your answers have made me feel so much better and confident about facing them tomorrow.Thankyou. But in afew lessons i'm stuck with just them and I can't move to another seat or move classes. Should I talk to them or just ignore them sitting next to me, and one time infront and next to?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): Wow, I am so sorry that they did that to you and that it hurt you so badly.
I know it is hard to believe it right now, but this has nothing to do with you or how likeable you are.
It is a right of passage for all teens in this age group, kids of both genders can be especially mean to other kids, and there is always a pack leader, especially for girls who intimidate the other little insecure, immature girls to follow, but inside they are just a confused as you are.
I am sure their parents would be horrified to learn what they have done. You might even talk to your mother about this and have her call the other girl's mothers individually to let them know about their bullying of you.
We as a society should really not tolerate this kind of stuff out of our children and we owe it to them, the bullies, to call them out on their behavior so that they can see it was wrong....so don't be embarassed, ask your mom if she thinks that would be a wise thing to do.
But other's are right here, don't you stoop to their level and trash them with other kids behind their back. Be the more classy mature one here and just hold your head high, smile and find some other more courageous kids to hang out with.
Really, these girls are insecure and very immature and want to feel powerful, and I bet at least one of them is actually jealous of you.
Some of the kids who do this never really grow up or become better people and you will see that as you mature if you keep track of them, but most kids grow up little by little and learn to treat others with respect.
So really, I feel sorry for them that they are so stupid and focused on the wrong things in life.
A similar incident happened to me when I was 13. There were these pack of girls that adopted me into their group, sat with me at lunch, I didn't know everyone there as I only had spent two years in my gradeschool due to a move and then part of us went to a different middle school, so I didn't really know these girls. Then one of the girls was going to have a boy/girl makeout party at her house while parents were gone, and I was "told" to ask out a particular boy to the party, and when I didn't this girl convinced all the other girls to dump me, wouldn't sit with me at luch, and the ring leader even called me at home at night and hung up on me or prank called me for months.
You know what happened to that girl? She got married and divorced at a young age, never went to college I guess partly because her family was rather well off and she did not need to be educated. But she ended up dying in her 30's from anorexia. So she was a psychologically disturbed, unhappy person. And all you can do is pity someone who would do that to themselves.
So, don't let this get you down and there is always an end to the story and a new beginning for you.
Life get's better as you get a little older, and you will find some more genuine friends, just look for them, and there may only be one or two, but that is all you need if they are true to you.
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female
reader, Niki H +, writes (21 June 2009):
rrr hun, girls can be such bitches sometimes, i'd say there are probably nearly 90% of girls that experience this.
I'll tell you the only reason this happens, JEALOUS, you obviously have something they are jealous about, whether it be, coz you pretty, or your parents are nicer than theirs (just examples).
Take an old fools advice, girls like this will bring you down, make you insecure for the rest of your life. Rebuild your friends, lose them, and take what they say with a pinch of salt. Real friends would never talk about you behind you back, they would stick up for you and support you.
You didnt say how old you are but its easy to find new friends, join some clubs and trust me never talk about people, your mum would say if you have nothing nice to say then dont say it all, that way you never get caught up in hearsay.
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female
reader, Starlights +, writes (21 June 2009):
Oh dear. This isnt a nice situation to be in.
School years can be the most hurtful times, i remember when i & a few of my friends we used to get bullied because of our colour or because I got called ugly...
well well, i had the last laugh, look at me now! ha!
the best thing you can do is keep at least 1 good friend around you or if not, try and speak to a school mentor/ councillor.
i rememeber i had one, and i still remember her name: dione!
it does help talking it out with someone, and remember, keep strong , sometimes other kids can be hurtful at school.
try and get moved classes and make friends with other kids.
the trick is to keep going, find new friends if u can &
do not believe their taunts can hurt you.
remember sticks and stones.... !
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female
reader, missleprechaun84  +, writes (21 June 2009):
Seriously, you can do much better than them. I know right now having only a small group of friends seems like devastation, but take it from someone who was exactly where you are right now, your life is much better without bitches like that in it. You need to realize that you are a special worthy person who deserves to be treated like a human being and stop letting people walk all over you. Who cares why they hated you, they walked out of your birthday party. What more proof do you need that they weren't worthy of your time and effort? Right now the best revenge you could get is to get over them and start making friends with people who deserve you. My mum used to tell me time and time again, that one day I would be off living a great life, and all the girls who trashed me would be pregnant with their second child, probably to raise them as a single parent. And she was right. I know it probably feels like the end of the world right now, but one day you will look back and realize how much better your life was without them. Keep your chin up, and good luck.
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male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (21 June 2009):
 Wow, you poor girl. That sounds really really unpleasant for them to accept an invitation to come to your house and do that. Unfortunately teenage girls in groups can do cruelty very effectively. At least some of those girls know that they have done wrong but they went along with it for fear of being picked on themselves.
This is very difficult but it is extremely important that you don't act the victim. Go in to school with your head held high. Don't try and be matey with them - they did something horrible to you - but don't try to retaliate by saying bad things about them.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): Wow what a pack of immature bitches. Every school has a pack of nasty girls. Sounds like you unfortunantly got caught with the wrong crowd. Its hard making new friends but maybe join as many sporting teams and other clubs as you can to meet new people and forget those cows. and please dont let them get you down. You sound lovely.....live your life well its the best revenge
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): People like that clearly arent worth your time, there immature and need to grow up!
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reader, Your friend +, writes (21 June 2009):
 See the school councellor, she has seen this story repeated hundreds of times over. She will advise and support you. Organise with her so you can leave class at any time to see her or at least to leave class to have some time out away from them. Although this might be difficult see if she can arrange to have you moved into different classes. This situation for you will be tough to deal with but you can do it just don't try to do it on your own.
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