A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend got himself a new job a few weeks ago which I was so happy for him, it's better, better role and can lead him to better things however the only thing I really don't like is the fact he's working away all week and is only home at weekends. Sometimes he isn't even home then as he has to work two weekends a month.It makes me sad early hours on a Monday morning when he has to leave, I miss him as soon as he goes.I've never had much time away from him but I don't know how to cope with this, he will be doing this for at least the next year and that really makes me feel down as I won't see him much.Anybody had to deal with a similar thing? Or give me any advice on what to do when he's away so I can keep myself busy?Thank you, in advance. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (14 April 2015):
 The BEST way to deal with it is to LEARN to be an independent person. To have a life and not not just ORBIT his.
My husband was away MANY MANY days, weeks, months in our marriage. His job sent him off for training, schools and deployments (war, hurricane and even a forest fire). There was at time little contact ( he was in Afghanistan while they (the US military) was still establishing a running Internet and there was no cell service). What WE did was, I would make a monthly care-package and a daily e-mail. And later on we would TRY to have a weekly Skype date, so he could see the kids and say hi. The longest was a 19 months deployment - THAT one sucked. At out 15 year anniversary we did a tally, he he been gone for 11 out of 15 anniversaries, 10 of my birthdays and COUNTLESS other birthdays and holidays. THAT is the reality of the military.
YOU have to find a routine WITH him, that can work for you both.
But DO things FOR yourself as well, hang out with friends and family, pick up a hobby or a volunteer job, gym membership. He isn't GONE, he is away for work.
Another thing is to NIP drama in the bud. As in if he can't make a "skype date" due to work, don't presume that he doesn't love you or don't care or that he MUST be cheating.
You can do it, it takes some adjusting FROM both of you - but it can be done.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 April 2015):
 You continue to have YOUR LIFE. You should not be living your life to accommodate your BF.
Go out with friends, take classes... shop, exercise, work, clean the house, do the laundry, catch up on your shows and reading.
My DH and I were LDR for the first year we were dating... we have friends that are married 2.5 years and STILL live apart. This year he retires and moves in with his wife for the first time. They survive. She's seen him TWICE since thanksgiving due to family issues (his aging mom is very ill and can't be left alone)
Do you currently spend every waking moment with him? what do you do now?...school? work?
If you live together relish your time alone... and treat yourself to this:
http://www.hammacher.com/Product/75405?cm_cat=ProductSEM&cm_pla=AdWordsPLA&source=PRODSEM&gclid=COD14bPr88QCFWgR7AodWFcAwA (I want one but my husband says NO)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2015): Deal with it only as long as it is comfortable for you. If it becomes a strain or too stressful, maybe it's time you started dating other guys. You also have to develop your own independence as a woman and an individual.
It wouldn't hurt to find other fulfilling and constructive things to do, to enrich your life and fill your time. Always focusing your time and attention on your boyfriend and little else, isn't healthy for either of you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2015): You're age is 18-21, this is just part of entering adult life. Relationships don't continue like they were at school, Uni... Some days me and husband say we would love to have the feeling of being a teenager together again, when you literally have time to waste! People have to earn money and that involves unfavourable shifts or working patterns. It's sad, but it's not like he goes away for months on end to another city or even another country. He's back every weekend, and then every couple he will have to work. Just make plans for the times he is make to see each other and make the most of the time.What are your career goals or ambitions? Start trying to fulfill your own and the time he is away will soon pass as you'll both be focused on your own lives. Whilst you'll miss him when he's gone, you'll have more to talk about when he is back, as you'll both have been doing your own thing for a bit. Whilst my husband doesn't go away to work, he changed recently from a mon-fri 9-5 kind of job to one that involves mad hours of work and shifts that cycle across every day of the week. If he's working nights, we can go five days where we don't actually see each other - as he will come home while I am usually out walking our dog and then he'll be asleep as I go to work, I then work an evening job to fund my further studies so don't see him when he gets up! You'll adapt and get used to it, and it could be worse - he could be in the army and away for months and months on end!Start hobbies you might have neglected whilst being in a relationship, whether that's going to the gym in the evenings, taking up running or swimming or something crafty. If you fill your time with things that are productive to you, you will find the time passes and your time together will be interesting - as you can share what you have been up to. Good luck, I hope his job goes well and make sure you keep yourself busy!
...............................
|
