A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My miserable boyfriend spends every weekend morning with his mother and weekend afternoons reading and napping. He refuses to travel, never shows affection, does little around the house and never suggests doing anything in term of leisure activity. I've never met anyone through him as he rarely contacts the couple of friends he has (both single men). He seems frightened of contacting his family that live in the same town. On a couple of occasions I have invited them over and he seemed grateful. I've not seen his mother for a year even though she lives a mile away and I have asked to be included. I think he's emotionally unavailable as he is keeping me at arm's length. He won't discuss anything as if I broach any subject he becomes defensive/irritable/simply clams up completely 10 seconds into any discussion. He's 45 and told me when we met that he'd resigned himself to being single for ever (this is because he's too terrified to chat to anyone though wouldn't admit it). I'm 54 and wondering whether it's worth starting again at my age. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone. These replies are positive and helpful and I feel encouraged that I have some real options to move on.
A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (9 February 2015):
 It's never too late to start over. My dad's just got married again at 79!
Your boyfriend has no enthusiasm for life or other people. How can he possibly make anyone (i.e. you) happy?
There are loads of good dating websites nowadays. It's easy to meet new people. Do yourself a favour and start the next chapter of your life with someone who wants to enjoy sharing life with you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2015): There is a reason why he is single. If he never shows any initiative, never wants to do things, doesn't communicate, of course he will stay single forever. Even the factvthatbwe is quite younger than you doesn't stop you from thinking of leaving him. I think he is a lost case. Move on, and find someone with more life in him.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (9 February 2015):
Better late than never :) He is not too terrified to talk to people, he is too lazy to make the effort. You want a good man...Choose one based on how he treats his parents. He has no time for them, he has no time for you. If he disrespects them, he will do the same to you. If he loves his folks...no we are talking. :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2015): Its not too late. There are dating websites for example specifically for people over 45 years old - there are lots of people starting over with plenty more energy and more to contribute to a relationship than your boyfriend. I suspect you are staying out of loyalty and pity. Perhaps your own esteem is low and you lack confidence. Put your happiness much higher on the agenda because your man certainly doesn't. My uncle was single until his 50s and then met and married a nice woman. You won't meet people (as friends or otherwise) living the life you are.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2015): You know what you want and how to live your life. You have all the tools. You just need confirmation and reassurance. I read once that women are past their sell by date after 30. Really? Mumbo jumbo.
Your life is a journey at 30, 40, 50, 60, 70 and beyond. For as long as you are living and breathing enjoy every year. A woman can be left/widowed at any age by the man she thought she would spend her life with. She can always start again in life.
You will love again because you want to and anything is possible. Have faith. You are definitely not too old at 54. You are in the prime of your life! Young enough to enjoy yourself with all that wisdom and life experience.
You need to live YOUR life as you want to. You sound like you know exactly what you want and need so get out there and enrich your life.
You need more.
Join a "Meet up group". Make it your aim to put your energies into building up your life into what you want it to be.
Live your life. Be free of this negative feeling that you have to tolerate what you have now with him which is not enriching your life.
For this resdon
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2015): Frankly, your boyfriend sounds like he has a personality disorder and/or may be mentally ill and/or is a Mummy's boy who never really grew the balls to stand on his own two feet. If you are 54 and he's 45, strong chances are he is gravitating to an older woman as another version of 'Mum' (and I say this not because you are 54, but because a significant age difference where the woman is older at any stage in her life, compared with her man, is a red flag for a Mummy complex guy), but still not as good as his real Mum (in his eyes). By being with you he is simply avoiding life and avoiding growing up. But you are also avoiding things too - the fear of being alone?Get rid of him and just get out more by yourself or with friends, you will find someone lovely. If you've got the patience to put up with this weirdo then you have love enough in your heart for someone better - just be careful not to be too giving to another guy with significant hang ups about life. Find a guy who is out there and active already in his life, and preferably one who isn't so bonded to his Mum and happy for you to see his Mum too!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the encouragement. I do need a boost at the moment.
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (8 February 2015):
Its never to late to start and the sooner you meet someone who loves and appreciate a caring woman the better Life is a gift dont just waste it away with this man Life is for living.sharing,loving and having fun with a man who is able to return your love ,Remember you are only 54 years YOUNG.Be positive connect with other people.Best wishes for your future and finding love .NORA B.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (8 February 2015):
 Nope, never too late.
My dad was 70 when my Mom passed away, and well he has a new GF now (it's been years) and while I'm SURE it's very different from what he had with my mom, they seem happy to have each other.
Don't STOP living your life.
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