A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Where did I go wrong? I'm a 36 year old man that still lives with his parents who has never had any type of relationship with a woman ever, I have a job that I detest but I'ts the best pay I've ever had so I'm too scared to leave it. I tried to live on my own once but I could not keep up with the rent and had to move back with the parents, I have no hobbies or interests and I dont drink. It's easy to say find an interest or a hobby but nothing really interests me much apart from tv and reading but discussing books with others sounds incredibly dull. My life is incredibly dull but I lack the drive or knowledge to change it. Travel only annoys me because I wind up back home at the end but with less money. I just dont know what life is supposed to be about. I can foresee myself at 50 caring for my parents and dying a virgin still in the same detestable job. What do I need to do and how do I motivate myself to do it?
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male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (9 April 2012):
With your vehement unwillingness to take charge of your own life in lieu of whining and feeling sorry for yourself, no, no girl will like you.
Whatever dude, its your life, make of it what you wish.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionalso Serpico, you say , "Find what it is what you want and then go get it." I'm pretty sure that to find the girl I want and then "just go get her" is illegal especially if she doesnt like me.
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (3 April 2012):
So - you're now claiming you are coming to Dear Cupid in the interest of getting advice on:
1 - Get a better job
2 - Get a big house
3 - Get a girlfriend
Seriously - you're trying to get all of that from a relationship message board?
This is what I will tell you. If you put your mind to something and put enough tenacity behind it, it will happen. But you must be willing to devote enough time to it and completely sell out to the idea. In my entire life, I have never seen a person completely dedicate themselves to achieving something and completely fail. I have seen plenty of people give half-assed efforts fail and then blame everyone else or "bad-luck." Spoiler for you - there is no such thing as "bad buck." Long term, you make your own luck in this life. You can either get out there and make it, or sit home and whine and feel sorry for yourself.
I have found there is one single ingredient as a neccessary and sufficient condition for success. Its not brains - I know many brilliant guys who have nothing. Its not looks. Its not luck. Its tenacity. If you had it, you wouldnt be looking for someone to give you a blueprint for success on an internet message board. IMO all you are doing here is looking for someone to tell you something, then after you give a half-assed effort and fail, you can then blame "bad-luck" again. If I gave up after everytime I failed I sure as hell wouldnt be where I am now.
Find what you want, and go after it with unyielding determination. You wont find how to do that on an internet message board. That tenacity must come from within.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOK Serpico, I would like a million pounds, a beautifull woman and a large house. Are your saying I need to get out and just get those things. Exactly HOW would one go about simply getting those things and if it was as easy as you are suggesting why hasnt everybody done it? And the moving back home thing was entirely financial.
My god man do you think I have sat in my house and havnt even tried to leave? I have done plenty of things to try to escape my situation with no luck which is why I'm on here asking for advice on HOW to achieve something. I realise my life has to change but I'm not sure how to go about it. saying just do something is not advice, I would like to know HOW to just do something.
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (30 March 2012):
Uh - sorry - more tough love.
Starting your thread with "Where did I go wrong?" just reeks of self pity, so yes, you are whining plain and simple. Sorry that's tough for you to hear, but hear it you must. Whining about no drive. Whining about having no hobbies. Even whining about going on vacation for Gods sake. Boo hoo. Poor you. Every single one of those thing is completely in your control, yet you choose to whine about it instead of doing something about it.
You asked for advice, I gave it to you. Just because it wasnt the advice you wanted doesnt mean it wasnt good advice. It sounds like the only thing you will take as "advice" is something that coddles you more, which IMO is the last thing you need. In fact, my hunch why you moved back home had little to do with your money situation, and much more to do with you being coddled at age 36 by your parents.
I will say it again. You are completely in control of your happiness, your life, and what you get out of it. Put your mind to finding what those things are and get off of your ass and go get them. You say you are a virgin, and from what you write I am not shocked. Trust me when I tell you that almost NO woman wants a wishy washy no confidence needing-to-be-coddled boy. What most women do want is a take-charge-of-his life full-of-confidence man. From what you write, Im not sure you really want to be the latter since it may seem too difficult for you. If what you are really after is more coddling and sympathy, then so be it, but dont be surprised when women look elsewhere or someone like me gives it to you straight.
You're 36. Time to let go of the boy and be a man. Trust me, its by far the best advice you'll ever get.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (30 March 2012):
 Well if you left work and became a full time student you can get a student loan - they are very different to normal bank loans as the interest is much lower, it is not done through a bank (it is through the student loans company) and you dont have to pay it back until you earn a certain salary per year (I cant remember what it is at the moment but I think its between £15k and £20k per annum before tax). So that is an option, I know debt isnt great but you would have a loan to cover the course fees, and you can get a part time job whilst studying to give you the money you need for food etc.
When courses say 'full time' they rarely are unless you are studying science/engingeering. Many full time degree courses are actually 10 hours per week! So you can normally attend classes whilst having a job, yes it might have to be a part time job but I still think you could get 20+ hours in per week.
I think I covered off all of your other questions in my last post with regards to my unpaid work experience - I guess if you are interested in film production then see if there are any film/tv companies nearby and offer to work for free - you might be able to do 1 day per week, you might have to take 1 week off work etc, but that would be better than nothing!
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSerpico, I'm not whining about it I'm just stating the facts and asking for advice, saying decide what you want and then go get it is not advice, If it was I would be living the life of Hugh Heffner by now, You dont just think "Oh this is what I want" and then go get it. I wanted to learn to drive because I wanted my own Snack food van I was determined and paid lots of money for lessons but afetr failing my test 12 times and running out of money I decided to quit. So you cant just say go get whatever you want that just ridiculous. I was enquiring on here for genuine advice on what to do to escape my situation.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (30 March 2012):
It is indeed before tax, if only it was £25k after tax, I would be a very happy girl!
I know doing any further education would be difficult whilst you are working, but it is not impossible. You have until 3pm daily to do other things, yes you work late so you do need rest but you might have to sacrifice sleeping in and get up a bit earlier to get some further work done before you start work again at 3pm. I'm certain you can find a good number of courses that will only require you to attend classes in the morning/before 3pm, and then maybe you have a bit of extra homework to do during the week which you will have to ensure happens on your 2 days off. I understand this isnt ideal, but starting at 3pm gives you plenty of time to do some studying/attend classes.
I was at University whilst doing my unpaid placements, so admittedly it was easier for me because I wasnt working full time so could miss a few lectures here and there if needs be.
I basically took whatever I could get - some were just one-off 4 day stints, some were just for 1 week, some were 2 weeks etc. They all varied, however the one that actually got me my first job after uni was for about 10 weeks. I was living off my overdraft basically, I had finished uni by this time so I was using my student overdraft to pay for my living expenses (rent, food, bills etc) whilst doing unpaid work experience. The PR agency I was doing the unpaid experience for kept telling me there might be a job, turns out they were leading me on but one of the girls there had a friend who had set up his own marketing agency and needed someone like me to work full time, so I had an interview with him and got the job that way.
In your case you have a few options - if you do decide to go back into education (whilst still working obviously) then you might be able to get a mature student loan or something like that. I'm no financial expert so you would need to speak to a bank but I think you should be able to get some financial help if you are studying again. That at least would help money wise.
As for the work experience - I presume you get holiday at your work? I know this wont be much fun but you might have to use your holiday (for example take a week off) and do some work experience for a week. I know holiday is normally used for you to have a break from work, but if it means you get a better CV and chance to move on career wise, I would definitely sacrifice the holiday and do the work experience.
If you spoke to your parents would they let you take a break from paying rent for a while? I understand they cannot support their 36 year old son forever, but if you explain what you are trying to do (go back into education, get a better job, move out etc) then perhaps they might give you a break from paying rent so you can maybe start saving up (whether this is for a course, a deposit...there are many things you can use the money for).
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI enthusiastically browsed the website you advised for courses and discovered that courses for film production and editing were available in a reachable location. They are 3 year full time courses which means I would have to leave my job and have no income. Besides which they cost £9000 a year so i have to find £27000 to pay for it. A loan off the bank is practically impossible and leaves me open to huge financial risk if i end up failing the course or not getting a well paid job at the end of it.(Not negative thinking just assessing all possibilties.) The only other way of getting that kind of money is to save up, I am currently saving £250 a month through a saving scheme at work and cannot touch the money until next year however it will only be £9000, i will need to saty in my job for another 7 years to get the £27000 needed for a college course and then after 3 years doing the course I will be 46 by the time I leave with any sort of qualification assuming I do leave with a qualification. So, yes, it would be very usefull to know how long you had to work for free before you found paid work and how you managed to pay for food and shelter whilst you did it, because I would certainly do something like that if I could figure out how to live whilst doing it.
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (30 March 2012):
Ok - sorry, but time for some tough love.
What you need to do is stop whining about your life and get off your ass and take control of it. No one is responsible for your happiness except you. If you are feeling bad about the situation you are in, you have 100% control to change it, especially as a single guy with no kids.
Time to grab your balls and be a man. Find it is what you want and then go get it. Whining about it, especially on an internet site, is not going to help in itself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh I see, the £25,000 a year is before tax? Because £1500 X 12 amounts to £18,000 a year.My pay is £10,000 after tax.I was just picking up on a few points, I wasnt ignoring good ideas. (there was just to many to go through individually.)I pay my parents rent and buy my own food so I cannot leave my job which as I mentioned is from 3pm-11pm with 2 random days off each week, so getting involved in a class to further my education is difficult. I am interested to know how long you had to work for free before getting a paid job and how you managed to pay rent at that time and feed yourself because I know I would certainly do that kind of thing to gain experience if I knew how to support myself while I did it. A bank would not give me a loan if they suspected I was going to leave my job and work for free. I cannot get a mortgage off them and I should think any substantial loan would be out of the question.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (30 March 2012):
Its not over 2 grand a month (I wish!!), it works out about £1500 per month. But even though I am on a good wage, I still struggle financially, especially with the cost to run a car these days, over £400 per month is spent just running my car! So money really isnt everything, you still have financial problems when you are on a good wage, they are just different to those you have when you are on a low wage. I remember earning £13,000 per year and struggling on that, and I know I'm better off now but I still end up skint at the end of every month!
Money and girls wont bring you happiness, I really think they key for you is sorting out this lack of interest in anything in life, and your lack of hope.
This isnt a criticism of you, more an observation - every response you have recieved on here you have shot down, picking out the ideas that dont work for you and ignoring the suggestions that would actually work. Like all the hobbies that have been suggested for you, you havent picked up on any that would work and instead have focussed on the negatives. Part of me wonders if you are afraid to try new things? Are you afraid of actually enjoying yourself?
I can tell you now no college courses are going to be fun, studying is boring but we all have to do it. I cannot accept that you, as a human being, cannot even be remotely interested in anything at all. You say you like books, why not get a simple A level in English Literature? English is useful in any career, so even if you dont know what job you want to do at least you will have an A level in a core subject. How are you at maths? Or IT? They are not my cup of tea, but they are very useful subjects so if you dont mind them then they might be worthwhile. How about learning graphic design/animation so you can do that on a computer? You dont need to be able to draw amazingly well to do that. What about media studies if you like films & tv?
This is the website that I have been on just now https://nationalcareersservice.direct.gov.uk/advice/courses/Pages/browse.aspx
And there are thousands upon thousands of courses, you cannot tell me that not one of them would even slightly interest you! Stop thinking about what job you want to do for a minute, and think about generic qualfications that will come in handy one day. Maths and English are the 2 core subjects, if you have GCSE's in these already well great, if not you need to get that sorted. Then you can move on to A level where you select again, more useful subjects. Business is a good one to take - can be a bit dull at times but it is useful for any job to have a business qualification. And that is where the money is at - I work in marketing & advertising so I can testify on that!
I know your issue is that you dont want to devote 2-3 years studying something, but that is life and sometimes we have to do things we dont want to do. You may just have to get over it, find something you can tolerate and get on with it. Going back to the books again, I think English Literature would be something you could tolerate, because you already like books so reading for a qualification wont be too much of a hardship.
You really need to change your attitude if you want your life to change and stop making excuses. Do you even want to change your life? Not being funny here or harsh or anything, but the amount of excuses you are making suggests that actually you are wanting to continue like you are, and dont want to change your life. If I am mistaken and you do want to change your life, you really need to give yourself a kick up the ass and pull yourself together. If you want your life to change you will have to do things you dont enjoy much to get to where you want to be. Without sacrifice you dont get anywhere in life.
You dont suddenly become a sucess overnight (unless you have rich parents) - you have to graft and work at it. I didnt get my job by sitting at home doing nothing, I worked hard at school and got my GCSE's. I then carried on working hard and got 3 A levels, which got me into uni. I realised whilst at uni that I hated my degree course, but didnt want to start again and do another 3 years. So I went to every marketing & PR company I could find in Manchester and did free work experience for them. So I gave up my own time for free, and worked for anyone that would let me. That meant my CV looked fantastic, and I never needed to talk about the degree I had done because I didnt do amazingly well at it nor did I enjoy it.
Was working for free hard? Yes. It was soul-destroying at times, doing the job of a normal employee yet getting nothing for it. But it meant that I found a job when I left uni quickly, and because I have lots of experience I have found it easy to progress quickly. I'm not particularly beautiful (fairly average really), and I'm not incredibly intelligent either. I'm bright and switched on, but no genius! My sucess has all been down to hard work and determination, nothing else.
Life is what you make of it. You can either sit here moaning and wasting your time shooting down every suggestion you get. Or you can get over yourself, pull yourself together and accept that you are going to have to do a few things you dont enjoy in order to sort your life out. Get out there and get on with something, anything at all would help you right now. You are the one responsible for your own life, you are responsible for your happiness so you need to make it happen. Happiness isnt going to be offered on a plate, you have to work to find it.
As I've said before - you need to get out of your comfort zone and try something, otherwise you will simply sit hiding behind your computer or TV screen never trying anything and writing life off before you've even tried it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice k c100, you are obviously an extremely intelligent person or an extremely beautifull person to be earning over 2 grand a month! If I was on that sort of cash I wouldnt even want a girlfriend, I think I'd be happy. I had a look on both the websites you suggested but to no avail, the house shares are as expensive as the rent was when I did live on my own.(I managed six years.)
And there is no city near me covered by citysocialising.com
Your suggestion of getting qualifications is a good one however, I work from 3pm - 11pm with 2 random days off every week so any kind of schooling or class is awkward but even if it wasn't a problem, I have looked through many college prospectus but I am unable to find something that interests me to the point of wanting to devote 2-3 years of my life towards studying it. I have also tried counselling and hypnotherapy both with no luck. It's not that I dont appreciate your advice, I truly do so I'm sorry if I sound ungratefull, that is not my intention, I'm just trying to give you the full picture.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (30 March 2012):
I'm sorry for making you feel worse, that was never my intention.
Have you ever thought about going back to college or an adult education centre to get some qualifications so you can improve your job prospects? I know it isnt a great prospect to have to study again, but your salary is very low and it would help you a lot to get a better job, so improving your qualifications would be the best way to do this.
I completely understand that on your salary you cant afford to move out, that wouldnt work for you at all and would only add more stress to your life so the first thing you need to do to get your life on track is get a better job, and the best way to do this is to get more qualifications (at least A levels).
One thing I wanted to point out - I think you place far too much importance on being in a relationship. The only way to eventually be happy in a relationship is to be happy on your own first, after all if you cannot make yourself happy then how do you expect another person going to make you happy? You have to do the work on YOU first before a relationship is even a possibility. So until you are happy with your life without a partner, you are never going to get into a sucessful relationship.
I know plenty of people that dont live with their partner and afford it, and there are great things called houseshares - spareroom.co.uk is a good website to start with, yes it is a bit of a pain living with strangers but you get to know them and they become friends. So it is cheaper than living alone, and you make friends in the process - that might be a good idea for you in the future.
Before I met my boyfriend I was living in houseshares for a couple of years, at times they try your patience as living with other people always means conflict. But you have your freedom, it is cheap and it is a nice social situation to live in.
Back onto hobbies again - the book club I suggested before is a good idea for you, you get to talk about something you enjoy in a social setting so you really should push yourself to do this if possible. I know you say you cant draw - but how about you take a animation drawing class or something similar? Yes you wont be great at first but over time you will improve, and it is something you enjoy so why not give it a go? You have nothing to lose, so you are going to have to drag yourself out one day and try something new. Or how about a creative writing course? If you like books you could learn to write creatively.
If you just want to get out of the house and make new friends, there is a good website called citysocialising.com, this isnt a dating site, it is simply for people wanting to make new friends in their local area. They do all sorts, from going for drinks together in pubs/bars, to day trips away, trips to the cinema....there is plenty to do and you will meet new people each time you go.
I understand you lack motivation and it seems like you dont see the point in anything, which does make me think there are some mental health problems at hand here (being single is not a reason to be depressed), so if the drugs didnt work maybe a talking therapy would help you? Go back to your doctor and ask to be referred to a therapist who specialises in depression and personality disorders.
Despite the depression issue and lack of motivation, there are plenty of things you can do if you just push yourself out of your comfort zone. Get new qualifications to help move you forward in your career, make yourself go out with friends, make yourself do something new that normally you wouldnt feel comfortable with doing. The more you push yourself out of your comfort zone the more you will learn about yourself, and the more you will realise that you can do more with life and there is lots out there for you.
Forget about dating and relationships for now, it isnt important right now. Sort yourself out and you will have more sucess with dating in the future, but you need to get yourself back on track before you can even think about it.
Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionk c100O.K. now I feel worse, I am on £10,000 a year (the best money I have ever had) I cannot afford to rent or buy a house on my own and everyone I know who has there own place (owned or rented) is with a partner so there is 2 peoples money paying for it. Getting a new job is not as easy as that, it took me a year of being unemployed to get this one as I also cannot drive having failed my test 12 times and I have no real qualifications apart from the ones from tests I was made to take in school. I say in my original post that I tried to live on my own once in a tiny 3 roomed studio apartment but I could not keep up with the rent. I do not understand the concept of competition so sports really do not interest me, (I dont care who runs the fastest or jumps the highest or who can throw something straight or kick a ball, it just seems really pointless.) I have tried all forms of dating and havnt even had an unsuccesful date because I've never had ANY kind of date.No messages from anyone on 14 different dating sites even after taking advice on what to write in my profile. The types of things I like to watch on TV are films and cartoons but I cant act and I cant draw so those things can't be hobbies.The doctor realises I am depressed but this depression comes from being single and looking like I do rather than by a chemical imbalance in my brain so depression tablets (3 different types for 5 years) did not work because they couldnt change the facts.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2012): You need a good shake up. OK so you don't like your job but it's well paid - however the rest of your life needs looking at. What are your interests? Do you have any, if so that is the way most people make there lives interesting. Sport for instance - watching or doing. There must be things that you like doing that get you out and about. As for women. Try any form of dating, internet, local paper. It is a very common way for people to meet these days. But you need to develop your life before you go out and meet someone, if only for having something interesting to talk about!
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (29 March 2012):
Make a plan and figure out how you are going to achieve to it.
1. What job do you want to do? If you hate your current job, at least you know what you dont enjoy - what did you want to do when you were younger? What qualifications do you have that would help you get a different job?
2. Moving out of your parents home - this is a MUST!! I am 24 and I earn £25,000 per year, I can afford my own place, so I'm not really sure why a 36 year old man who claims to be on the best pay he has ever had and does no hobbies cant afford to move out? You must be on a very low salary not to be able to afford to rent a place, or living in London I guess. If you genuinely cant afford it, then work out a way you can afford it. If this means getting a new job with more money, and getting some savings together - then do it. Your bank can help with a savings plan, or you can make your own savings plan and budget in excel and that works well. No woman wants to date a guy who lives with his mum and dad, so if you ever want a girlfriend you need to move out - simple as that.
3. Interests & hobbies. If you like books, join a book club. That will help you meet new people (and maybe a potential date) and get you out of the house. Think back to when you were younger, what interested you back then? What did you enjoy?
There are millions of sports/activities/hobbies out there, and I'm sure you wont have tried them all, so perhaps it is a case of giving everything a try and seeing what you enjoy. Have you ever joined a gym? That is a good way to keep fit, meet people and it gives you confidence because as your body improves so does your self-esteem. What about sports? There must be a sport you enjoy watching on TV? What programmes do you like watching on TV? Because TV programmes are normally about something, for example:
- Food programmes - if you like these, perhaps try a cookery school?
- Politics - again, if this is the kind of programme you enjoy then why not join the local party you feel most strongly about and go campaigning with them?
The list could go on and on, but typically the type of programmes you like watching indicates what you are interested in and what hobbies/activities you might enjoy.
Life is about whatever you want it to be - for me life is about working hard and enjoying my career, making good money and treating myself to things I want, love & relationships (being happy with my partner), giving some of my time up to good causes to give something back (I volunteer at a dogs sanctuary because I love animals and enjoy walking them etc), enjoying the outdoors, being close to animals as much as possible (I go horse-riding), keeping fit (at the gym and running), spending time with friends and family, and overall having a good time.
I know my own personality well enough to know what makes me happy, so I go out and do that. If you genuinely dont have a single thing in life that makes you happy (i.e. not even seeing your friends or family) then there is a chance you have depression and it would be worth seeing a doctor.
Life is out there waiting for you, now is the time for you to get out there and start trying new things. You might not have any motivation at first, you may have to force yourself - but more often than not you will actually enjoy it once you are there and that will be the motivation you need for the future to go back again.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2012): Wow this is incredible. I am currently dating a 36 year old who lives at home with his mom, too. In his case, he fibbed and omitted a few facts here and there so that I wouldn't find out his living situation. He told me at the start that he had two roommates a guy and a girl. Eventually, after I had already invested time and feelings in him, I found out the guy and girl roomates were his mom and his stepdad. Haha! Then he made it seem like he had only been there for a short time and it was a very temporary thing. Found out later that he had been squatting there for over two years.
Not only did I find the whole situation peculiar but the more I started seeing the dynamic that was going on in the household the more weird I found it. His mom does his laundry, makes his bed in the morning, irons his clothes, cooks for him, charges him no rent, no bills, basically he lives for free and has a maid. OF COURSE he has been there for as long as he has! Of course he is not looking for a better job! Free rent? Maid service? His mother doesn't challenge him to do ANYTHING. She does EVERYTHING for him. That is NOT a healthy relationship.
Look, the reality is that living with your parents is stripping you of independence, ambition, self respect and dignity. In their minds they may think they are doing you a favor but they are doing a huge disservice. You are 36 WELL into adulthood AND you are a man. You NEED to get your own place. You need to get outta there. Find your OWN place as soon as possible. You are too old to be living with your parents. Once you move out I truly believe things will turn around for you. But that is the first step. Good luck.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2012): hi there. You need to start changing up your life to be more satisfying. you're stuck in a rut and have been for a long time, so it's time to get out of it. Some times even a small change can make you feel a lot better.You need to find your true self. Don't force yourself to do activities that you clearly don't enjoy (like traveling). it's good that you tried it - so you know it's not for you, and that's just fine.But clearly, what you're currently doing right now is not working either because you're still feeling listless and unsatisfied. So you need to find your true self that you're comfortable with. This may or may not help but I have found a great way to meet people and make friends (and friends may then introduce you to their friends who could be potential dating partners) is to look for a cause that you feel strongly about and get involved with volunteer work. That is what gives me passion - getting involved in volunteering and activism for causes that I care deeply about. and through that I have met so many people and made so many friends from all walks of life, because we all have at least one thing in common which is caring deeply about that cause that we are volunteering our time and energy working on.You say there isn't anything in particular that you care about enough to be motivated to get involved? I'm sure there is, you just haven't found it yet or delved into it. when you watch TV or read the news, every day you hear about terrible things happening in this world. Social injustices, or cruelty, or unfairness of some sort. Or it could be the plight of those less fortunate. surely one of those things might move you enough to want to get involved. Do you like animals, have you ever owned a pet? If yes, wouldn't it bother you to know that every day millions of animals are victims of abuse, and there are a ton of organizations fighting against it, who could use your help. Stuff like that.what skills do you have that you could volunteer? Are you good at fixing or building things? You could volunteer for non-profits that seek to provide free or low-cost home repair and building services to the poor. Or you could volunteer to teach people how to do the same. Do you have experience organizing people together? You can organize fundraisers for charities. Do you have good reading and writing skills? You could volunteer to be a tutor to school kids. there's a ton of things you can do to get involved in your community. The key is to look around, read widely, see what moves you. this isn't dating advice per se, it's just "getting out of a life rut" advice in general. I think that once you start feeling better about your life in general, finding something you're passionate about which energizes you, then being motivated to get out dating will be a lot easier, as will meeting people who are potential dating partners.and don't think of it as having "gone wrong" - you just never know where life takes you. everyone goes through periods in their life where they feel they have made huge mistakes and feel regret, that's normal. Even people who are married and have kids often feel like their life is a drag and they have made a huge mistake and regret it. In fact, many people who are married but in bad marriages, seriously envy single people like yourself for whom the future is unlimited opportunity.
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