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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Lately I have been so sad, because I'm afraid that I'm running out of time to do all the things I wanted to in life. I'm at an age where I'm running out of time if I want to have children, and I realize I'm in the wrong career, and I am so scared that it's too late to do both. Sometimes I worry that I've ruined my life.I'm scared that soon, the door will close forever on things that were possible when I was younger. To make a long story short, I got into a career that I realize now is wrong for me. I can't imagine doing it forever, and I would like to change careers. The problem is that I've never been married and never had children. At my age, I'm very concerned that time is running out. I'm not in a relationship right now and my last attempt at a relationship was a fiasco.If I change careers, that will mean a formal degree program and getting established in a profession and I'll probably be too old to have children. I don't think I'm in a position to provide the things that children deserve in my current job as a teacher (and the rubbish salaries that they pay us). On the other hand, I don't see how you can change careers once you are married and have your own family.Ever since I had my 30th birthday, I've gone into a tailspin. I would like to enjoy my life, and stop feeling sad, but I don't know how to let go of this regret. I wish and wish that I hadn't made such a mess of my life, and I wish and wish I could go back in time and undo the series of mistakes I made. I wish I hadn't wasted my life. I know eventually I'm going to have to move on, but I don't know how I can ever get over this void. I feel so overwhelmed and sad.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2009): kc, I am so thankful for your answers and all your answers. It means so, so very much to have someone listen.
I think you're right.
To answer your question (why give up being a teacher)?
It's wrong for me and doesn't fill my heart.
Ahh I see you're in the UK... I don't what the schools are like there... but in the USA the quality of the schools is not good. My state is ranked as the WORST quality in the entire country. Teachers are expected not to have any personal life, it's a 24-7 job and it pays nickels and dimes. The discipline problems are sky-high. You're locked up in a room with 30 kids, most of whom bully you, you wouldn't believe some of the things they say to you. When they misbehave, the teacher gets punished because you have to write out referral forms and call parents, but nothing happens to the kid. They call the USA the land of opportunity... but I look at these kids and think "this is the future?"
Lol, I'm jealous, I wish I were British... What are the shcools like over there btw? They've gone to the dogs here in US
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2009): I teach high school, and I live in the worst area in the country to teach high school. Teachers don't get paid enough money to live, and I had to take a second job at night because of this. On top of that, it's a 24/7 job. You're expected to spend all your time outside of school grading papers and making phone calls to parents and in some places, they make you feel guilty about having a personal life.
I love music and wish and wish with all my heart I'd been a musician. I made a wrong choice and became a teacher. I wasn't strong willed, like I am now. I was this scared naive girl who listened to the fears instilled in me by well-meaning people who told me I would starve if I pursued my dream. I wish I'd done the right thing and talked to professionals in the field who knew what they were talking aobut. Instead I became a Spanish teacher, and now I have to have two jobs and my guitar I love so much gathers dust in the corner, and I'm in a job that doesn't fill my heart. I'm starting to hate the job because it's demanded so much of me when I have nothing left to give, and where I live teachers make nickels and pennies and put up with bullying and bs.
I remember the days when I could play it whenever I wanted to and it breaks my heart.
One thing I've always wanted to do (and scared I'm running out of time) is to travel. I lived in Mexico for a year, and then returned home, and got bored and starting longing for more adventures. I thought the restlessness would be out of my system but it's not.
Right now, I'm taking a course so that I can teach EFL (English as a Foreign Language). It would still be teaching, but I would get to go to a foreign country to live and have another adventure. I know it's a selfish reason to want to teach, but I really want to live abroad!
If I could be a university professor I would be much happier. I almost have a minor in science and I have my degree in Spanish. I'm going to take the next year to think about this... I keep thinking it would have been good to finish my science degree.
Thanks, for listening... I just had to get this off my chest.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2009): I am so unhappy in this profession that the thought of doing it the rest of my life makes my heart sink.
High school kids have some mouths on them, and it's such a drag having to put up with kids trying to bully me, and it's a thankless job. I want something that fills my heart.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (22 May 2009):
 If you are worried about the biological clock element of this then why not think about getting some eggs frozen? This would give you a bit more time and give you the reassurance of a back-up plan when you get to the stage of having children.
I pretty much agree with Old Guy on this one, you are in a fortunate position where you can change careers without it affecting anyone else but you. But then again I'm not sure why you would want to give up being a teacher? It pays a lot better than many jobs and you also have great job security especially when there is a recession! But if you really dont enjoy the job then do what you have to do to follow your dreams. And as Old Guys says, when you make these changes and start to follow your dreams you will more than likely meet someone with the same values as you.
Try not to worry so much, 30 is still young these days and many people are not getting married and having children until their late 30's. It is not as much of an issue as it used to be in the past, you are just putting unecessary pressure on yourself.
So instead of feeling sorry for yourself and looking back at the past - look forwards to the future. Make a plan of all the things you want to achieve in the next 10 years and start making changes to get there. There is no point in looking back, you cannot change the past. All you can do is learn from the past and learn from your mistakes - so if you made a mess of things in the past then learn from this and never make a mess of things again! You dont want to get to 40 do you and think "I just wasted the last 10 years worrying about my past"! Make some changes to start moving you forwards, not wishing the past could be different!
We all make mistakes, this is part of being human. There are always things you wish you could have done differently but the main thing is to not to let this hold you back from enjoying the rest of your life. Get a list together of what you want to achieve and what you want to do in life, and then make it happen! It is never too late to enjoy life, dont waste another minute of it! And then once you feel like you are back on track in life then you will find that a relationship and all those other things will fall into place because you as a person are happier and you are mentally in a better place.
I hope this helps!
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2009): With respect, you're overthinking the situation.
If, with the benefit of the life experience you've gained, you have identified a career that will better suit you, then go for it. If you're taking the classes, the training, for the new career, chances are you'll meet someone who shares your values and your thinking. If that blossoms, *then* you can worry about how to deal with kids and such. And if not, then at least you will be in a career that you find fulfilling, marriage and kids notwithstanding.
Frankly you're in a very fortunate situation. You can make a change now without the worry of how to support a family. And you still do have some time left on your biological clock. In other words, even at 30 you're footloose and fancy free.
Change is scary, and ruts are comfortable. But you've recognized that your particular rut isn't doing it for you. Climbing out of that particular rut doesn't sound like it really risks very much, and the rewards are out there. Go for it!
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