A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear all, I had my first boyfriend when I was 13, and continued to have long term relationships until the age of 27, moving from one guy to the next almost seamlessly. At 27, I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years, because I wanted to settle down and start a family and he wasn't ready. This was about a year and a half ago and since we broke up - I have had an endless stream of very short-term relationships, dates and one-night stands (which is the complete opposite of what I wanted to do.) I found myself depressed and unfulfilled with very little connection in these flings aside from the chemistry.I decided to take a month off of men to stop this never ending cycle and try to discover what is happening here. I have realised that being in a relationship formed a huge part of my life and am now left with a void and not really knowing who I am. I have tended to be in relationships where I have taken the parental role and therefore always had a lot to do.I have been reading dating advice and most of them suggest making yourself happy and living the life that you want to live and then the right man will come along. The trouble I'm having is that I don't really know what kind of life I want or who I am? And I feel like I 'should' know at 28. I feel confused and lost.Any advice or comments would be greatly appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2011): Thank you so much for your responses to my question. It's reassuring to know that I'm not the only one.
Ampersand, when you said "(you set a goal now you just need to put it into action)" - A lightbulb went on in my head. I regularly set vague goals but either give up on them half way through or don't put them into action at all. This is probably due to not having a clear goal and drive from the outset. (Due to not knowing myself)
I will look into self-discovery put some things into action.
Also, Thank you to the anonymous Male reader, I think you're right. - "You can't figure the rest out without being yourself for a while (years)" - I can't expect to find out overnight.
And also when you said - "Get counseling help, take that "month off of men" and extend it for 6-12 months while you work on yourself." - I have decided to extend it to 6 months.
Thank you both again. I will definitely be using this site more often.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): "making yourself happy and living the life that you want to live and then the right man will come along. The trouble I'm having is that I don't really know what kind of life I want or who I am?"This is dead spot on.You do the things that you enjoy, with other like minded individuals, and don't worry about the man. Eventually you meet someone who is a match, more often than not they are not perfect but they work out.You can't figure the rest out without being yourself for a while (years), instead of being what other people expect you to be or want you to be.Get counseling help, take that "month off of men" and extend it for 6-12 months while you work on yourself. You want a serious relationship, it has to be a "you" that gets into it, not "what someone wants me to be".
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