A
female
age
36-40,
*eautiful_hollow
writes:i'm 24 and at the moment i'm not in such a good place in my life. 4 months ago my ex broke up with me - i adored him and it left me reeling. I'm getting over it now - and i feel ready to move on, but my confidence is pretty low. I feel like no one will ever want to be with me ever again. I cant imagine why anyone would like me. I worry that i'm too old to meet someone - as almost every one of my other friends are settling down - and i seem to have missed my chance. I worry when i'm talking to guys that they think i'm boring. And finally, the only guys who seem to be interested in me are guys who i'm not attracted to - i worry that i'm setting my standards too high and wanting something i'll never get. These thoughts are continuously in my head and they're really getting to me. I can't seem to enjoy anything anymore and every little thing has the ability to reduce me to tears (cue tears at sad advert on the TV). Some other things in my life (job, home, etc) are all up the air and i'm sure this is contributing - but really my question is - have other people felt this way before? and if so, how did you pull yourself out of it? And how long does it last? Any advice would be great...or, alternatively, does it never go away? if so - i'd rather know that this is what it will be like forever.P.S sorry this is so long
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reader, beautiful_hollow +, writes (8 November 2009):
beautiful_hollow is verified as being by the original poster of the questionpearl421 - thanks for the reply. i really appreciate you taking the time to cover all the things you did. I'm sorry to hear about you having to give up your medicine dream. I hope things work out for you. Its interesting about the quarter life crisis thing - and i definately agree with alot of the things youve said. It gives me some other things to think about.
Anyway, thanks again for the reply - its really helped alot.
x
A
female
reader, pearl421  +, writes (8 November 2009):
 Hi there! I'm 21 (although in my head I'm already 22) and I'm going through a LOT of the same problems that you are going through right now. I know that some people probably have not responded well about the "24 and never being happy" thing, but I totally know what you mean. Although I did not break up with an ex, I did however recently let go of my dream to become a doctor, something that I've been dreaming of since I was 12 (I've been having a hard time finding a new career goal and basically, my calling, my passion, etc). Some people classify your situation as depression but honestly, don't go on meds unless you absolutely cannot get out of bed every day and cry non-stop, all the time. I've had friends who have used anti-depressants, and I've learned that they tend to make you feel awful, not to mention I somehow don't think it would tackle the root of your problems here. I believe that the important thing is to not dwell on the bad things, and try your best to focus on the positives. What's helped me is that I've tried to focus on myself, and recall the times when I was younger when I felt passionate about life, and try to figure out why I was that way (a lot of it has to do with perceiving options). Then I make some plans to try new things, to consciously experience, learn and grow, and also I reconnect with my friends as well as go out and meet new people who share similar hobbies as I do. This does help! Also, try and build yourself a strong support network. Finally, let me just add that I think the period of early to mid-twenties IS just uncertain, period, and most times, when you are optimistic, this can actually mean a lot of opportunities and potential for a good life ahead. I've looked a lot into this actually, and I believe what we are going through is a "Quarter-life Crisis". I'm currently reading the book "20 Something Manifesto" by Christine Hassler. If you have time, look into this book because it gives lots of good suggestions and comfort to the types of situations that you are going through. there are concrete examples in this book, and most importantly, it makes you realize that whatever it is you are going through, you are not alone! It helped me a lot, brightened up my views and now I'm definitely happier with my life and myself. Best of luck with your journey of self-discovery. It's quite exciting, if you think about it! Challenge yourself and watch yourself grow. Before anybody can love you, you need to love you for who you are, accept you for who you are, and experience that confidence and feel it shining through! Btw you are definitely NOT too old for meeting guys--after all, good guys finish last (I have many friends in medical school who are single--trust me I know). Oh, I forgot to mention that I've been single for as long as I can remember. I go on dates (albeit disappointing ones), but undergrad in life sciences has been really stressful and I just haven't had the time or energy to be involved in long-term relationships. At this point in my life, I just think that when we are still not entirely sure of who we are as individuals and still have yet to learn to fully cherish that, nobody else can help us BUT ourselves. I doubt that you'll have a hard time finding *someone*, but that might also be the ruins of you because you might develop an unhealthy dependency on him when you are still shaky about your own individuality. Love yourself first, and as soon as you do that, the world will look a lot brighter, and good guys will come aknocking :)Hugs and best wishes! Lucyhttp://blogs.studentlife.utoronto.ca/UpbeaT/
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A
male
reader, Illithid  +, writes (7 November 2009):
 I know how you feel. At 25, I was looking forward to my upcoming wedding, but then my 21 year old fiancee dumped me for a 35 year old in New Jersey (600 miles away) and couldn't even tell me why she left me. I'm single again, lonely, sad, and then almost two months later my job laid me off.
I just finished somw counseling, have been leaning heavily on friends, and found that frequenting this site help a lot. I tried online dating (and got a friend out of it). I'm still looking, but I am taking this as a chance to get to know myself and grow a little as an individual. I'm learning to love myself, and trying to be patient.
if you'd like to talk to me, please send me a private message and I'd love to share what I've learned about live and love since my breakup and help you realize how much you deserve love like the rest of us.
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female
reader, beautiful_hollow +, writes (6 November 2009):
beautiful_hollow is verified as being by the original poster of the question(MOD NOTE: I did indeed put up the title. Sometimes when the poster doesn't title his/her qustion we have to create one.) Thanks to everyone who has answered.i appreciate you all taking the time.... Just a note, i didn't put the title as am i too old at 24 to be happy - i wouldn't have wanted to insult anyone by implying that people older than me must be in real trouble. Although i am slightly worried that the system made up that title for me...i hope its not a sign!!!I think i probably just need a kick up the arse - sometimes getting yourself going again is tough i guess. Hopefully things will get easier soon.....thanks again
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2009): oh honey i would guess that we've all felt like this at times. If you had came on here saying im 84, is it too late to find happiness? I would answer you exactly the same. ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!! Happiness will come again, you may have to go out there and hustle some up. But, never despair, its within your grasp. Your circumstances may stink right now but things have a way of changing when you least expect them to. hang in there sweetie, mal
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2009): Wow you are miserable aren't you? I feel depressed reading your question, how you're feeling much best terrible!Is 24 too old to be happy again? Are you for real, that seems a bit of an insult to everyone who is older than 24 and find happiness all the time.If you're worried you're boring, maybe you are. but you can change that, take chances and adventures in life - make an effort to do the things you've always wanted to do, but put off. Become the person you want to me... You can do it.. And when you do, you'll be on the same level as the kind of people you want to meet - and then deserve to be with. Enough of the depressive moaning.. get out there and get on with life, enjoy it, make the most of it. life is precious - make the most of it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2009): The doldrums? They last until you snap out of it...and replay that question:I am 24, will I be happy again?.............Until the answer sounds like -For God's sake, I am 24...If happiness is out of reach for someone my age, then who the hell is happy! Then you can take on the world singing "Like a Virgin...touched for the very first time..." It's a day of new beginnings, girlie, what the hell are you doing in bed? LOL. Get out and have funLove,G
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reader, Ich_liebe_dich  +, writes (6 November 2009):
 Of course not honey, to be honest youre just growing right now. the real exciting in the woman's life is just starting to you now, U must enjoy it every seconds. dont worry about the guys, they are just around you waiting for the right moment that they can get near to you. Always think and remember nothing is wrong with you and you are good as you are, you are pretty as you are, so dont worry.. i thought also by my self sometimes maybe im too boring person thats why i dont have much friend, but then i realise im wrong because friends are always there its just that they have also a life to work on and i can not take 80% of their time. honey we cant have everything we want but 60% is already paradise.
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A
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reader, CaringGuy +, writes (6 November 2009):
It sounds like you're suffering a lot at the moment, and I wonder if youp're slipping into depression. There are a lot of things going on just now, and it's all just weighing you down. You'll be okay. I lost my job on Christmas Eve, and just started my own company, so there is plenty of hope for you. If you're feeling depressed or really overwhelmed, then please talk to someone. The important thing here is to take your time now. Focus on eacjh problem one by one, rather than look at them all together and feel overwhelmed. Take your time now, and focus on yourself. I don't know how lond it will last for you, but it will get better. Stay busy and focused on yourself, and if you feel depressed, don't be afraid to talk to someone. All the best.
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