A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys.What is the male view of an open relationship? I'm 17 and although I enjoy the company of a 'boyfriend' I'm not ready to become monogamous just to one boy. An open relationship where we have the companionship but freedom sounds perfect to me but I don't want to be looked upon badly for wanting this.Part of me also thinks that if I really really likes my boyfriend, then I wouldn't want to be with other guys which leads me into thinking we should break up. I don't know! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2013): "I don't know how to end it with this guy though, he's so lovely but i'm just not ready. I just don't want to end up cheating on him."
You can't 'end up' cheating on anyone, you make the choice. This is a very selfish attitude which proves you should not be in this relationship. You are basically saying you are going to keep stringing this guy along, giving him no idea that there is anything wrong, while you are out looking for something better. How cruel can you be? Leave the poor guy to find someone who wants only him, and you can have all the freedom you like. You can't have it both ways.
A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe +, writes (26 January 2013):
 @PosterIf you want to end this relationship then the best thing you can do is tell the truth. The stuff about maybe cheating and other guys seems unnecessarily hurtful in my eyes and it seems like you still want to keep this guy as a friend. Otherwise, just say it like it is, you dont feel ready for a committed relationship, you think he is lovely but now is not the time. Don't try and think of ways to make this not hurtful for him - its going to hurt whatever you do - think about ways to make it less hurtful so, just play him straight and tell him the truth, your not ready before this situation does spiral out of control and you end up doing something you will regret....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2013): "What is the male view of an open relationship?"From a guy old enough to be your grandfather: To a typical horny teenage guy, an "open relationship" is a license to bang one slutty girl regularly while banging as many other slutty girls as possible on the side with absolutely no guilt and absolutely no conscience. If you openly profess a desire for an open relationship to any guy your age, you would immediatedly become univerally known as an incredibly easy lay who can't be satisified wirh one guy, and any number of low-life guys would be willing to test you out by plying you with booze and drugs so they could pile on the chick who'll fuck any guy as long as he has a dick.At 17, you should be not be having sex with any guy with whom you are not ready to settle down and raise the kid with whom he can knock you up with any one thrust, which means nobody. You are utterly and completely incapable of raising the kid with whom you could find yourself knocked up at any moment if you are sexually active, and should you decide to serially hop into bed with multiple guys, there are very few people who are looked upon lower than a knocked-up teenage girl who doesn't even know the names of any of her several possible maybe-baby daddies. Any unsavory reputation you develop as a teenager will haunt you well into your adult life. It's not fair, it's often undeserved, and it's incredibly sexist and misogynistic, but cold harsh reality is there arevery few social stigmas that are more difficult to overcome than that of a teenage girl known as being a quick easy lay, especially if you have an out-of-wedlock kid by an anonymous baby daddy to prove it.
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (26 January 2013):
 At 17 people are going to judge you if you have an open relationship. Could you try ending your relationship but staying friends?
You are young it's a great time to have lots of new relationships and to work out what/who you really want from life. But it has to be one person at a time, that's the rules!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2013): The only honourable way of finding out what your boyf thinks is to ask him directly (or, at least, introduce the idea indirectly with a view to finding out where he stands).
But you're playing with fire. I can't imagine too many 17-year-old straight guys being at all happy with the reality of it, or even the idea of it. What do you do if he says 'no, that's completely unacceptable and there's no way I'm agreeing to it'? as he very likely will? Go ahead anyway and cheat as you please? Even raising the topic will likely lead to a break-up, since he'll then be painfully aware that he isn't really 'enough' for your appetite and he'll always be half-expecting you to cheat or at least knowing you want to.
Which I suppose brings it back to: how much do you really like him? If you truly valued him, you'd be perfectly happy not to cheat on him, or at least content with not acting on your feelings.
Hope it all goes OK anyway...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2013): POSTER:::
Dont worry i doubt i'd end up on Jeremy Kyle!
I don't know how to end it with this guy though, he's so lovely but i'm just not ready. I just don't want to end up cheating on him.
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A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe +, writes (25 January 2013):
You're right. If you really liked your boyfriend you wouldnt want to be with other guys so badly that youd be prepared to sleep with them. Sure, youd still find other guys hot and attractive but somewhere in you there would be a switch that stopped you just shy of doing anything about it. Open relationships sound perfect in theory but they are very, very rarely wise in practice. I wouldn't view you badly, what is good for you is good for you and its your choice but id caution against you doing it. A-typically open relationships end when one of both of the people involved starts wanting more. Id also say you are trying to have your cake and eat it, you want all this freedom but you obviously still want your bf there as a constant, a source of stability, which isnt particularly fair on him really in my eyes.Split up with your boyfriend, be single and play the field, then when you are ready to settle, then settle. I think this is the best thing for you right now, not something that sounds great but potentially has a horribly tangled ending.
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