A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my girlfriend of 2 years dumped me out of the blue(LDR). she has been a responsible and super caring gf and made me feel like a king! i was so special for her and she was damn crazy about me. she said i was the best thing ever happened to her and no one has ever cared for her like that. we broke off because things had faded very much and we were stringing each other in our lives just because we cared for each other too much and couldnt see lives without each other. i nagged her for talking me for granted and not giving time to this relationship like before. she made all kinds of excuses half of which were just to soften the blow i guess, but the reality was that she was losing the interest and it being a LDR became too much for her to cater to my demands i guess. until finally, she said that she doesnt feel the same way like before. i was broken into million pieces and was in a disbelief that she can be like this to me. well after that she wasnt answering my calls and ignoring me to the core. i begged pleaded cried and did terror texting and calling, she didnt budge. i went to see her a thousand miles away, she seemed confused and speechless and didnt speak much. she just cried a lot and asked me to forget her because it had no future blah blah blah. i am sure about one thing, she still loves me be it traces of feelings and she does care. she had realised it once we broke up and told me how much she missed me and cried. it has been a month of NC and no sign of her. she treated me like a doormat by not answering my calls in the end and had no value for what we had in 2 years but still i know she does care and she needs to realise that. maybe she isnt contacting because of the guilt and thinking what i will think? maybe she is cold or this is her way to cope up? idk. So my question is, what will be the best strategy assuming she cares deep inside? LC or NC ? i fear NC will bury those already faded feelings and she will move on eventually. keeping LC atleast i can help myself improve my image if she answers my calls. still i am not sure of it. NC has definately improved my situation and i am feeling much better now. i am motivated and living life like i wish to and i dont rely on others for my hapiness. i am improved and stronger than before and have learned from this. but one part of me still wants to give it a shot and see what happens maybe because i care for her and miss her when i remember the time we spent. what would be the best, NC OR LC? what fits the best in here ? thanks...
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female
reader, hijacked_dignity  +, writes (10 April 2010):
 I am in the exact same situation that you are in, except I am your ex girlfriend. I really loved and cared for the person that I was with for two years, but things just weren't working out. We were fighting, and I was trying too much to get a hold of him, and he wasn't putting in enough effort. We had different goals and different definitions of love, and there were all these issues between us. On top of that, we hardly saw each other based on both distance and the both of us being busy. I finally had to put an end to it all, even though I truly still loved him and I really did care for him. He felt the same way toward me, and still loving each other makes things that much harder. But deep down, I knew that we would never work out in the long run. Love is important, but it isn't everything in a relationship. After I broke up, I blocked him on everything from the internet to my phone. I had to move on. And there was no way that I would be able to if I could talk to him or even look at the pictures I had of him.
I'm sure this is how your ex feels. She loves you, but she knows that things won't work out. She probably wasn't happy with the arrangement, and she was trying to end it before investing any further time. She blocked you and stopped taking your calls because she was most likely afraid that it would take her back a few steps, and seeing you must have been very difficult for her, but she stuck by her guns. The relationship you had is over. She wasn't happy with it, and she stopped talking to you not because she doesn't care about you, but because that's the best way to get over someone.
Stop calling her. Stop hassling her, and let her have some space. She needs to settle down and let you go. Then she can start thinking rationally again and decide for herself what feels best for her. In the mean time, you need to start letting go of her as well. Delete her number, get rid of her pictures. Realize that this is probably the end. You guys had good times, and that's great, but things are over now. It sucks when relationships end and the two people still love each other, but sometimes that just isn't enough to keep people happy. Start moving on. Get rid of her number, and do what she's trying to do with you. You two will eventually get over things, it'll just take time. I know I'm slowly but surely working at it, and you can too. So good luck, and be strong, and stop contact. :)
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