A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi..so im generally good with the confidence and self esteem thing - but lately im paying more attention to it, as i go after high quality game...Scenario:recently i went on a date, left her alone the next day (i have a life/etc) - next day, i texted, msnd, and called over the course of the day - in the evening she replied he had exams all day and made a joke about 'too cute, no i wasnt blowing you off, you would get a proper good bye at this point'...the next day she called me, we back and forthed'' a few phone chats until that evening when she said 'call me back in 20?' - after doing so, she was still on the fone to her mom overseas - so i left her.. she asked me if i was doing anything, i just said 'its fine, im just chillin'shes online with msn, and i asked her 'hows your mom?' - no reply (fair) (shes talking/etc).....after an hour longer, i said gnite and did some stuff on my own before going to bed... meanwhile, i wake up to see she has dropped 3 posts on my facebook at 3am in the morning...(flirty comments)what gives?[[she has tried to 'pre-warn' me before that she has a hard time making committments for events (when talking of 'i was invited to a party but dont want to go now, and hate the poeple in this country are so anal about honoring your commitments - which i only do unless its family, ha! keep that in mind..) she wrote once.. -- but this is not an event, its taking time to be responsive, if she was going to get tied up all night, she should have just said that..]]My current thot is "Dude, it doesnt matter what she was upto, it was flaky behavior - dont Accept Poor Behavior by a) calling her, b) replying to her facebook posts -- instead do c) leave a 'status on your MSN which shows your 'offline' with the words 'ok that was kinda flakey'being assertive will show her i have both a healthy self esteem and that im calling her out for being a bratagree or offer better ways to handle?Cheers
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2009): The more you see women as strange and mysterious creatures that need to be decoded and then manipulated, the more you will get the same kind of response: non-commitment, insincerity and women who try to manipulate you right back. There is no "game". Seriously, if you wanted an in depth breakdown of your brief encounters with this woman, there are loads of "PUA" forums etc out there that will give you tons of advice about your "game".
You're making a mountain of a mole hill - you act cool and aloof with this girl but call it Bad Behaviour (why capitalize it?) when she does it to you! You want to analyze a few random things that have happened and have actually written to Dear Cupid asking strangers for advice - even if you had any Game, you're doing it all wrong!
Men who are honest, genuine and open to affection will always succeed with women. Insecure, scheming playboys who rely on internet "pickup" tips do not. Don't worry about qualifying her, seems like she's already beat you to it.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (30 June 2009):
 "High quality game"? Hm. What is it that attracted you to her in the first place? Why did you ask her out?
As to what happened, there are a couple of possibilities that I came up with:
she fell asleep on the couch, woke up at 3 and left the FB messages
she's ditzy and forgot that you were waiting patiently for her
she didn't realize you were waiting impatiently for a chance to talk with her because when she told you she was talking to her mother she assumed you'd find other things to do
you've pushed the limit of her patience with regard to the number of times and various ways you've tried to make contact with her and she's just ignoring you, rather than having to be blunt and telling you she's not that interested in you (some women just don't like to say 'no' flat out as it seems rude)
she's decided you're a bit arrogant or clingy/needy and is teaching you that she's the one in control; not you
she comes from a different generation that has different rules and expectations for online chatting/status indicators and so forth
you're the back up guy and therefore don't need as much attention, just enough to keep you interested
Anyway, that's enough speculation on my part. I go back to what it was that caught your eye about her in the first place, how did you come to ask her out?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionanyways.. the question really centres around
'if a girl tells you to wait' (while she has stuff going on) - thats fine if she says to you 'look im swamped.. talk tomorrow?'
my question really should focus on 'do i accept her just going off and not Bothering to tell me that' - (lets not get caught up in the passive/agressive/psychobabble, im just fine telling this to her on the telephone or face to face that 'hey.. i was waiting around for you what happened , u kinda flaked out on me'
(the subtext which i didnt include , was even a reference to 'tests' by her on the first date ('i like to see what i can get away with..')
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A
male
reader, DKW  +, writes (30 June 2009):
Mate, I have to say, you come across as one of those "pick up artist", "mystery method" type guys. No problem there, good luck with it, but one of the previous answers was spot on, it's not always applicable to the real world.
There is a big age gap here, this is how young, stress free girls live their lives. Either accept it, or leave her alone and move on. Easy. Youre stressing over msn statuses with a girl you've gone out with once...come on mate - there's more to life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionboth a tad harsh but thats fine - thats why im here.in answer.. the msn status is a vehicle She herself used in an almost carbon copy situation - so i dont think its inappropriatefurthermore, i dont want to seem like i have to defend my actions, whats the alternative, ''accept'' poor behavior? , move on? - its hardly a serious thing but you dont get many chances at the beginning to set the tone or respectand lets not pretend she wasnt sitting there the whole time while she was talking - her status didnt change to away, and most adults can both walk and talk and chew gum at the same timewithout becoming too analytical about it, id say its a test to see exactly what i am prepared to put up with(or your right Dr.. not that interested) (but if thats the case why post the facebook comments....i admit calling women high-quality game was in poor taste - it wasnt intended to inflame commentary - I just suggest that dating is new for me, especially 25 yo women, which is a compliment even tho with a bad delivery
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (30 June 2009):
Yeah, I think acting like a passive aggressive 12 year old will totally improve this relationship. Well done you!Do you honestly think she is even going to notice your MSN status if you are in her "offline" section? If she does do you think she will know it is about her.As far as I can understand, she simply didn't see your MSN comments as she was on the phone and replied via facebook after you went to bed.If somehow this has offended your manhood, then:a) get over yourselfb) you are not as chock full of self esteem as you think.I really don't see what she has done here.If you can't deal with this crazy and outlandish behaviour (staying on the phone to her mum till late and then flirting with you via facebook) then I think you need to go and find yourself a really really boring girl who will drop everything to speak you and sit on MSN all day waiting for you to talk to her.Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (30 June 2009):
 Don't agree...you are a 30-something and way past this sort of adolescent game-playing and childishness. You say in your post you are going after 'high-quality game'...the woman isn't a piece of meat and if you carry on dating with such a combative attitude then I guess you will be doing dinner for one for quite a while. You have just got to chill out about this dating thing - you barely know this woman on the basis of one date and you are making all sorts of generalisations about her. You have been plotting your contacts with her around scripted rules about 'how to date' which don't apply to the real world. You keep saying your confidence is ok, but I suggest you take a second look because the way you handle rejection and perceived bad manners tells another story. Dating can be a tough thing as most people go on lots of 'bad dates' before they find a partner. The woman you dated may not be that interested in you, or perhaps there are other reasons for her not calling you back as planned (including reading dodgy dating-advice books on how to get a man by playing hard to get!). I think the MSN chatting or facebook communication is a bad way to find out the truth of the matter. If you think she is rude, then just move on and forget about her without leaving silly messages (it will make you look bad if anything). If you are still interested, call the woman up and ask her if she wants to see you again.
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